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I agree about petty and unrealistic expectations......like when my absolutely wonderful H with LOTS of great qualities.....tells me to "get over" my fathers death and my mothers within a week of their passing. I should have just let it go....
I should have let it go also ......at our daughters funeral....when I couldn't be in the same room as her casket......and he NOT ONCE sought me out during those hours and I NEEDED him, if just for a moment....because WE were in the same pain. I should NOT have NEEDED him.....that was selfish of me.
Or when our baby was in the hospital...terribly sick...and he wanted to go out and have "fun".......it was petty of me to have a problem with that.....again...selfish of me.
Perhaps that gives you a little window into the "emotional" void that leaves us empty, confused....alone in a marriage.....and yet...we stay.....for YEARS.....because of HOPE.....and because we do see ALL their qualities...and because we love....and then ..we settle....for the good days.....that become fewer.
I don't give a flying "leap" about the extra burden of doing the work of 2 people at home.....my H does not talk WITH me.....he talks AT me....HE has the floor......HE has something to say.....about ...anything, everything.....nothing...
I need to let my petty expectation that I am valued by him go.......and accept.....he puts a roof over my head(his words not mine).......and instead ....be very proud of him for doing that.
This site has MANY who offer ideas, insight and understanding. I, for one...."see" the pain of the non spouse wanting and waiting for just a glimmer of ..."I truly do love you...WE can nail this little sucker adhd to the wall."
Denied adhd in a marriage......can be .....I have no words for it.
As Melissa has said....the couples who are succeeding in dealing with adhd in their marriage are off, busy living their lives.....that's why you don't see as much of the "uplifting" posts you would like to. I WOULD NOT be here if my H and I were having success ....no matter how slow and steady it was.
I am sorry you are so disappointed with us.....but considering what I am trying to navigate through right now......I am not adding your disappointment to the list my H has already given me concerning his disappointment with me.
What you have been thru is beyond terrible. My intentions were not to downplay situations like you are talking about. I realize you are in pain and understandably so. No one should be treated that way and I have never met a person with ADHD like that so I have been blessed in that regard. Sorry for imposing my feelings about my situation here. I will remove my forum.
Don't remove your post.Your words of encouragement are valid and very helpful. And I should have included your H in being blessed.....with you.
The ups and downs of unknown adhd that spans way too many years for many of us here does such a number on our sanity.
My reaction was more about what you said about the posting on this forum.....I do not talk about my situation with ANYONE. Finding this forum and reading from others their experiences and observations was like finding that safe place where ones understand (and you breathe relief that you are NOT losing your mind) and you find a source of strength and knowledge from "outside" yourself. Living life with denied adhd is very different than those who accept and strive to "manage" it.
YOU have much to offer.....please don't with hold your experience as you and your H move forward in marriage (with his adhd tagging along). We are all looking to glean even the smallest "tidbit" to refresh us.
Anteight....
Submitted by Zapp10 on
YOU are very blessed.
I agree about petty and unrealistic expectations......like when my absolutely wonderful H with LOTS of great qualities.....tells me to "get over" my fathers death and my mothers within a week of their passing. I should have just let it go....
I should have let it go also ......at our daughters funeral....when I couldn't be in the same room as her casket......and he NOT ONCE sought me out during those hours and I NEEDED him, if just for a moment....because WE were in the same pain. I should NOT have NEEDED him.....that was selfish of me.
Or when our baby was in the hospital...terribly sick...and he wanted to go out and have "fun".......it was petty of me to have a problem with that.....again...selfish of me.
Perhaps that gives you a little window into the "emotional" void that leaves us empty, confused....alone in a marriage.....and yet...we stay.....for YEARS.....because of HOPE.....and because we do see ALL their qualities...and because we love....and then ..we settle....for the good days.....that become fewer.
I don't give a flying "leap" about the extra burden of doing the work of 2 people at home.....my H does not talk WITH me.....he talks AT me....HE has the floor......HE has something to say.....about ...anything, everything.....nothing...
I need to let my petty expectation that I am valued by him go.......and accept.....he puts a roof over my head(his words not mine).......and instead ....be very proud of him for doing that.
This site has MANY who offer ideas, insight and understanding. I, for one...."see" the pain of the non spouse wanting and waiting for just a glimmer of ..."I truly do love you...WE can nail this little sucker adhd to the wall."
Denied adhd in a marriage......can be .....I have no words for it.
As Melissa has said....the couples who are succeeding in dealing with adhd in their marriage are off, busy living their lives.....that's why you don't see as much of the "uplifting" posts you would like to. I WOULD NOT be here if my H and I were having success ....no matter how slow and steady it was.
I am sorry you are so disappointed with us.....but considering what I am trying to navigate through right now......I am not adding your disappointment to the list my H has already given me concerning his disappointment with me.
Disappointed
Submitted by anteight on
What you have been thru is beyond terrible. My intentions were not to downplay situations like you are talking about. I realize you are in pain and understandably so. No one should be treated that way and I have never met a person with ADHD like that so I have been blessed in that regard. Sorry for imposing my feelings about my situation here. I will remove my forum.
Anteight....
Submitted by Zapp10 on
Don't remove your post.Your words of encouragement are valid and very helpful. And I should have included your H in being blessed.....with you.
The ups and downs of unknown adhd that spans way too many years for many of us here does such a number on our sanity.
My reaction was more about what you said about the posting on this forum.....I do not talk about my situation with ANYONE. Finding this forum and reading from others their experiences and observations was like finding that safe place where ones understand (and you breathe relief that you are NOT losing your mind) and you find a source of strength and knowledge from "outside" yourself. Living life with denied adhd is very different than those who accept and strive to "manage" it.
YOU have much to offer.....please don't with hold your experience as you and your H move forward in marriage (with his adhd tagging along). We are all looking to glean even the smallest "tidbit" to refresh us.
YOU are MOST welcome HERE.