I am really writing this to get it out. I cannot post this on public forums where people know me personally.
14 years ago, I was 24 and so excited to get married. I knew my husband to be had some anger issues, but I thought we could work them out and they would get better with time. I knew he was funny and a guy everybody liked. We had our share of fights in the 3 years we had been together, but he was so much fun to be around and really seemed to get me. I could not wait to start the next chapter of our lives together.
Fast forward to 14 years later. Our anniversary is starting off with him sleeping on the couch because he was up till who-knows-when (at least 3:00 a.m. because the email he sent to everyone in the organization we disagree over was sent at 2:52 a.m. ) He also has a meeting planned for this organization tonight. Granted, we have 2 kids and no money to go out to eat, let alone a babysitter. I am not a person who needs tons of gifts or even grand gestures. But, a little acknowledgement, especially with the wringer he has put this family through the past year, would be nice.
So, it is not a happy anniversary.. I feel like we have just stumbled our way through 14 years. I think I will use today to call and get information on the marriage counseling I have been putting off.
I'm sorry. I know how painful
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
I'm sorry. I know how painful it is to get through an anniversary of a "nonmarriage."
Thanks Rosered
Submitted by boilergirl on
I remember you had posted something about your anniversary. I know that sadly, you also know the feeling. He did hug me and say happy anniversary. It took all my energy not to scoff and say, "What is happy about it?"
Same here boilergirl
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Hi, boilergirl. I'm sorry it's been a sad anniversary. I've had many of these too. On our 15th anniversary, I was excited because of the number of years, AND because I thought my husband just MIGHT surprise me with something. Well, DH forgot....totally. Our daughters gave us a very lovely gift............new rings. I was so surprised, but so sad because THEY did something SO SWEET( and they saved their money to do this), and my husband didn't even remember the day, or even get a card. I just started crying my eyes out. It's been 31 years now, and I'm totally spent. I have practically nothing as far as posessions, or house or car, (everything in DH'S name) very few clothes and no jewelry to speak of. Those things have NEVER been important for him to get for me, but he likes receiving those kinds of things from me. It's been such a LOPSIDED marriage that now I am totally spent, emotionally, spiritually, mentally and now physically. I want out. My husband says he now wants to go to ADHD counseling, but it seems like too little, too late. I have agreed to go to counseling, but if DH doesn't work on his ADHD and admit that our struggles have been largely due to his undiagnosed and undertreated ADHD, I am done. I have nothing left inside to give. After SO MANY YEARS of giving and getting little to nothing in return, it destroys a person. So, now it's my turn to demand that a few things start going MY way, and that he start HEARING more things that I have to say, instead of using all of his stock excuses for not being engaged in this marriage. I pray the rest of your day goes better though :) Just know that there are others going through this also, I"m so sorry.
Thank you
Submitted by boilergirl on
I know that there are many of us married to ADHDers that have been in this same boat. I am sorry you have had so many bad ones, too. My sweet parent sent us a check, which I will cash and use for something for myself or maybe a treat for the kids. I know that is wrong not to tell DH about it, but I know if I just deposit it, we will use it towards bills. I just planned my day and activities for the kids like normal. He did hug me and say happy anniversary. What would really make it happy is if he would finish getting the junk out of the driveway. Or actually do ALL of the dishes at one time. Thanks for your thoughts. I realize marriage never turns out like anyone thinks it will, but these ADHD spouses can really throw a damper on a happy marriage.