After 28 years of marriage my wife was diagnosed with ADHD last year. She found your book and started to read it (lol). A little while later she insisted that I take an online test because she said I was exhibiting signs of ADHD myself. Upon completion, with the answers I gave, it more or less said I was boarder line. After years of not knowing,and reading your book,thru ups and downs,(almost a divorce,and I know by all means I have not always been prince charming) I was glad to find out that I was not the only one Angry and Frustrated with what seems to be her non caring disposition. The book has open my eyes to a great extent. And this may seem shallow or insecure,but is it possible that some traits (habits,etc...) can be transferred from the ADHD to the non-ADHD spouse? Is it possible that I am boarder line ADHD?
Transferred Symptoms
Submitted by loco on 08/07/2014.
hi loco...
Submitted by c ur self on
(Angry and Frustrated with what seems to be her non caring disposition.) I'm not sure if what you are asking can be done or not...But, I will tell you this, about me and it may ring a bell with you...Based on your statement I printed and high lighted and the reality of it's effects over a long period of time...We develop our own set of personality paranoia...Add will revel or give birth to anger and many other things...Also, you will change to adapt to to what you must to keep peace and survive...
In a word, the answer is "no"
Submitted by NLKohlenberger on
Loco,
ADHD cannot be transferred from one person to another. It is not like a cold that you can catch from another person. It is a neurobiological condition that occurs in the brain, and may be passed on generationally, but not between spouses. In ADHD/non-ADHD marriages, both people can be "symptomatic," but what I mean by that is that when the ADHD partner displays repetitive symptoms, the non-ADHD partner may have responses that show up like anger, frustration, nagging, and need for control. This is often the dynamic that takes place between the two, but if you've read Melissa's first book, you probably aware of this.
As far as what you can take away from an online quiz...if you want to truly know if you are ADHD, borderline or otherwise, it is best to get a real diagnosis from someone who is an expert in the field, who can truly evaluate your symptoms and know if they put you in the ADHD category or not. One thing I can say is that there are a lot of marriages where both partners are ADHD, and one of the partners might be more symptomatic than the other. This is true in my marriage. It does make for some interesting challenges. You might want to get it checked out to see if it is, in fact, true for you.
Thank you all for your input
Submitted by loco on
Thank you all for your input .I will take it to heart.
I feel traits (behavioral,
Submitted by copingSAH on
I feel traits (behavioral, not genetic) could be passed on from one spouse to another, especially if you are living with a person for decades. In order to communicate in ways the AD/HD person needs in order to understand you, you find yourself starting to re-word or re-work many of your own behaviors to accommodate the AD/HD over the years. So I would say if you do it to a great extent, then yes, you start to take on the traits of AD/HD ways of communicating and thinking... you find yourself changing your own individual approach to your spouse and eventually it creeps into other areas of your life.
Now, as to whether you are borderline... you need to see a professional for that.
... since I have been learning and trying to come to terms with my spouse's ADD, I find myself feeling less chaotic... I used to trail along my husband in a frenzy of activities. Or feeling guilty for not being able to keep up. Now I don't. I let him do his thing while I do my thing. And I am not apologetic for it. I guess I also feel less burdened in the area of being responsible or looking after my spouse; he is very capable of taking care of himself. So therefore, I seem to feel "less" threatened.
Just need to work on being pro-active about my own health and well-being. We all need to do this...