I'm sorry but I feel the need to vent today. Even if nobody reads this it makes me feel better. :)
My ADHD husband (diagnosed but not treated) just got a new job last week. This is about 30 something for him in our 7 year marriage and most don't last more than a few months, if that. This ones seems promising but unfortunately he has been out of work so long that we are broke and only have one decent vehicle. I have a business and have to have the decent car to get to work so he was driving his old van. Well it broke down and needed $650 in repairs. I have arranged for a ride to work for the past couple of days but when I asked him about getting his van back he told me he had no money to pay for it and wanted me to pay. Well I happen to know he has stashed away $500 for emergencies so I told him to use that and i would pay the difference. He refused. Said it was for emergencies only. What??? Really??? Isn't that what we are dealing with here? If you don't have a vehicle you can't get to work! Public transportation is not available so he needs a vehicle. But then he started talking about how he really didn't want to keep this job anyway... Ahhhh so that's what this is all about. I was furious! I need help financially and he refuses to maintain a job. I'm at my wits end!
I called his mother because I just wanted to let her know that I don't think I can deal with this anymore. I told her I have tried and I know I'm not easy to live with because I've become angry and resentful but that I've stuck by him and I've just reached the end of my rope. She said she saw a documentary done by Dr. Amen that was called Healing ADD at Home in 30 Days. Has anyone heard of this man? She was quite impressed by the research he has done. His wife and kids have ADD and he has spent 30 years researching this disorder. My mother-in-law asked me to look him up online and see if my husband would look into it. I emailed him the link but honestly I don't know if my heart is in it. I have put up with so much from this man and I just want to get on with my life. I know that sounds awful because i took vows and made promises but I really just want this roller coaster ride to stop so i can get off!
Here's an article about
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
Here's an article about Daniel Amen. I've looked through some of his books. I think he gives some good advice, but as you probably know, there's no shortage of good advice for people with ADHD; the challenging part is for the person with ADHD (or whatever brain-based problem; Amen deals with other issues, too) to follow through.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/daniel-amen-is-the-most...
Thanks for the link
Submitted by frustratedwife on
Thanks for the link Rosered. I'll take a look at it but you are right, there is no shortage of advise and the follow through is the key. Although my husband accepts he has ADHD he doesn't realize how much it affects his life and me. He thinks I'm just a nut case and he doesn't see he has driven me to this state. I know I should be stronger and not let things affect me so much but I have been through so much that sometimes I feel like I need to check myself into the funny farm!
That's the thing though, they
Submitted by redhead1017 on
That's the thing though, they really don't realize how much their actions affect other people. So you getting hurt because he doesn't want to keep his job? That's just you being non-supportive. You're not able to get to your job because there's no money to fix the car? That's something that will magically take care of itself. The fact that he's had 30 jobs in 7 years - that's just because people don't appreciate him, and if they would just listen to him and do what he says, there wouldn't be a problem!
I don't know if you can tell I've had a little bit of experience here. :) The job stuff is especially telling; my DH has been unemployed more years than he's been employed, and it's always someone else's fault. I gave up about ten years ago and started working on my own career, and now I'm in a very good place. We're all provided for, and I don't need to worry about his lack of employment because I made it my goal NOT to worry about that. He certainly doesn't.
My husband has had four jobs
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
My husband has had four jobs since we got married. He was fired from two of them. After the first firing, he didn't even look for work for approximately four years. After the second firing, he didn't look for work at all. He did manage to get two jobs: one very part-time and low pay, through his state-financed "dislocated worker" services.; the other is the one that he's currently at, "helping" his elderly parents. The huge effect that this employment history and lack of employment have had on our family is acknowledged by my husband but he won't talk about it or do anything about it.
I've read one of his books,
Submitted by MFrances on
I've read one of his books, Heal your body heal your mind or something like that. I first saw him on public TV about weight loss and then bought his book. I've read a little about his work with ADHD but it is a lot about changing your diet and exercising, which are valid points. My husband (who is the one with ADHD) used to run and work out, before we were married, and I often wonder if that helped him back then. It certainly can't hurt. there has been research that 30 minutes of exercise for 3 days a week, after a few months, has the same affect as taking antidepressants. The diet is high protein and low carbs. Carbs is all my husband eats, and not the good kind of carbs. If your husband is willing to change his diet-his way of eating, then I think it's worth a try. Everything we do affects our brains.
Dr. Amen is fabulous
Submitted by ADDAngry on
My husband and daughter (15 now) were both diagnosed with ADD through The Amen Clinic in Reston, VA. There they underwent a series of tests over a two-day period including a full SPECT scan which was able to identify what sub-type of ADD they have (there are 6 sub-types) and therefore receive the correct meds right away. We are lucky to live close as there are only a few of these clinics nationwide. Dr. Amen is an ADD expert and focuses on brain chemistry as a tool to diagnose and treat ADD.
It's so great to hear from
Submitted by MFrances on
It's so great to hear from someone that actually went to an Amen clinic. I wish he had more clinics.
How much was Dr. Amen
Submitted by add on
Can you tell me approximately how much you paid for those tests with Dr. Amen, including the SPECT scan?. Did your insurance pay for any of it? My son has tried so many ADD medications but nothing is helping him focus, so at times I wonder if even Dr. Amen could help with medications. I have his book about the 7 types of ADD and my son is following his advice on the foods /fish oil/ etc that he recommends. I know some of the signs from my son fall into more than one type but I think he would mainly be a Type 2. Thank you for whatever information you can post.
Amen Clinic Cost
Submitted by ADDAngry on
I believe it was about $3,000 each although I know they have cheaper options (fewer tests) that they offer. It was money very well spent in my opinion. Most ADD people distrust “soft” diagnoses and due to their poor self-awareness think that they don’t really have a problem. The SPECT scan and other test results were proof positive showing medical proof of the problems. My husband finally accepted his ADD once he saw that. And, for our daughter, it was useful to show her the pictures of her brain to explain that it wasn’t her fault. I think insurance paid for some of the cost (not much though). Dr. Amen offers both “big Pharma” solutions (i.e., medications) or natural remedies. My husband really wanted to try natural first but I wanted him to go straight to meds. So we agreed he could try the natural approach for 3 months max then unless completely “cured”, he would go to meds. The 3 months was better but not good results. Now he is on Vivance and takes fish oil supplements also. This worked miracles for the last year, but lately he has had sleep issues so he convinced his doctor to reduce the dosage. Sigh… We are moving towards neurotherapy next (also expensive) which really helped our daughter who has “Ring of Fire” ADD (all six sub-types at once). The biggest help it had for her was to reduce the rages/anger/tantrums. I’d like my husband to do this too and it gives him hope that maybe he can go off meds someday.