I think my spouse has something going on... I married him knowing he was 'high strung'.. I'm calm and go with the flow so it really didn't matter--- maybe opposites attract. Now 16 years and 3 kids later I'm at my wits end. He cannot relax, always asks random questions, says random things, gets annoyed when I speak my mind/truth (he wants me to side with him), cannot emotionally/empathize with me, he tends to 'move around a bit' which makes me nervous.. Basically he can't sit still-- figits.. I like to sit outside or a restaurant and talk some--- he can't; he is also always in a rush which I can't stand. He will gobble his food down and leave the room. Yes, he is my husband so I want him with me and do things BUT in the same token I can't stand his nervousness and it makes me stressed!!! There has been a few times where I hear the garage door open (him coming home) and I cringed with stress all over!!
He does well at his job and he has helped with the kids as long as I told him what needs to be done with them. We pay our bills on time and have a savings. BUT he is very anal about money.. Always has to have a coupon, gets points and such on gas/food/ and credit cards.. I know how to save money and use coupons myself BUT this guy is over the top control like it's all he talks about is buying things at cheap prices and such.. Yes, I'm proud of him and how he does this but it's the only hobby he has.. I've asked to help out with cooking and he has no interest.. yet I get the third degree when I go food shopping or when any bill comes in.
He also seems restless when sleeping and has been waking me up also which I don't like. He has always had poor sleeping habits but NOW I'm waking up because he is moving too much or him going to the couch to sleep. I need my sleep!!! After we were married I did send him to the Dr and he went because I was very upset over this-- He seemed more nervous and picking his hands; also not sleeping well. The Dr did give him Paxil but he didn't take it that long and complained about how he felt. The last year I have asked him to go see a Dr and he says he doesn't have a problem but I do!! So I signed us up for therapy-- we went once and he didn't like it. So now what do I do?? I don't think I can live with a 'nervous nelly' anymore. I just called for individual counseling for me-- I need to know if it's me.. I know I married him like this BUT I think whatever it is it's gotten worse.
He does get angry and yell but I give it right back and tell him 'this is abuse'. He is controlling at certain times, has to butt in on conversations (whenever he is around) and like I said before mumbles to himself. He's not patient about anything and drives too fast all the time!! My kids rely on me for comfort and such. Can someone tell me WHY I'm with him?? I do feel resentment and my gut it telling me to leave.. I do get out with friends so I can relax and enjoy a good meal-- we usually talk for a couple hours. I also try to get to the movies every now and then with a friend.. Yes, I'm trying to get out and 'be normal' but I still hate the fact of what I have to go through with spouse!!! I get jealous of other couples and what on facebook and such... So even if couples therapy doesn't happen at least I can vent through individual counseling.. Even though we have insurance, he will freak-out about the co-pay and tell me that I'm OK and I don't need to go anymore.. UGH Same thing with the dentist-- I'm always afraid that there will be extra costs which means I have to listen to him badgering me about why I need this.... Thanks for reading-- I needed to be heard.
I can relate....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
I also get sad when I see other normal couples on facebook. They can socialize with others, relax, etc.
When H does socialize, he has to be the center of attention...rambling on....often stories that are really Tall Tales...but he believes them to be true.
But usually, he just wants to leave because often other people are talking and he's not interested in that. If we go out to eat with others, he wants to leave as soon as he's done. He doesn't understand the art of just pleasant conversation...unless HE is the center. Lately, he'll tell stores that I witnessed, and the story he tells in no way resembles what happened. He will exaggerate to make the story seem fantastic.
<<< says random things, gets annoyed when I speak my mind/truth (he wants me to side with him), cannot emotionally/empathize with me, he tends to 'move around a bit' which makes me nervous.. Basically he can't sit still-- fidgets.. I like to sit outside or a restaurant and talk some--- he can't<<<
My H also gets VERY angry if I speak my mind in a way that he perceives that I'm not siding with him. So if he is complaining about something and the other person is right, he gets very angry if I calmly tell him that the other person had a point.
I have heard you
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
Hello Sophiesmom,
One day, we stumble across this forum, and we realize we are not crazy. We realize we unwittingly isolated ourselves. We thought we were crazy.
And then we find some relief. "What! You mean you have experienced this too?!?!?" We feel incredulous. And find we are not alone. Are there are others who fell into the same basic pattern that we did.
That becomes the day when the scale finally toppled - because we have scooped up all the responsibility that belongs evenly distributed between both spouses.
That day we finally realize we alone cannot make a marriage work.
That is the day we took a step in the right direction to start to bust our way back to sanity!
I hope you find encouragement and support and all the options and choices that are there for YOU.
Once I stopped focusing on how to understand/rescue/help/enlighten my spouse, and started focusing on why I allowed myself to be treated in a manner I did not deserve, that was the day I started to realize that I heard myself!!!!!
Liz
Amen!
Submitted by jennalemone on
That is what us spouses get to do. EVERYONE wins! EVERYONE gets their self respect back. NO MORE FREE RIDES ON US!
Our challenge is to make ourselves/permit ourselves to STAND STRONG and PERMIT ourselves to trust our own judgement. And permit our children and spouses to feel the pain of their own actions/inaction.
My H is strongly rebelling against boundaries.
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
H wasn't given any boundaries as a child. HIs mom was very lenient, permissive, and her solution was always to give H whatever he wanted and never tell him that what he's doing is wrong....no matter what. I am not kidding. He literally could do whatever he wanted. His mom believed that that was easier for her, and kept H from having constant tantrums.
So, now that I'm trying to set some boundaries, H is rebelling. His answer is to threaten to break my things, throw my things away, take my things to unknown dumpsters. He has done this, so I know he'll make good on his threats.
I am at a loss. H will not go see a therapist WITH me because if I tell a therapist these things, he knows that a therapist will not be on "his side". Plus, H thinks that if I do tell a therapist those things then I'm "smearing" him. It doesn't dawn on him that if I'm telling the truth, then how am I smearing him? If he doesn't want those things said, then don't say or do them. Right?
It has gotten to the point, that every few days H throws a MAJOR tantrum. MAJOR.
"Once I stopped focusing on
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
"Once I stopped focusing on how to understand/rescue/help/enlighten my spouse, and started focusing on why I allowed myself to be treated in a manner I did not deserve, that was the day I started to realize that I heard myself!!!!!"
Thank you, Liz. This is what we need to hear and internalize.
Brought tears to my eyes
Submitted by tinkerbell0309 on
This post has truly brought tears to my eyes. I am a shell of the former person I used prior to our marriage 3 years ago. Things are getting progressively worse. I'm giving it my all and it's simply not enough. After reading your post, I realize it is time I start focusing on myself and it's ok if I do so.
I feel that I am a shell of what I used to be....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
I used to love working on projects, volunteering, etc.....but H was so jealous of those things that he would "pick fights" about every little thing, without directly saying that he was angry that I was busy with other things. He would deny that that was what he was angry about, but it really was true. Sometimes he would "sort of" expose himself by saying things like, "you'll spend X hours on THAT, but you put me last." But, generally, he wouldn't be so obvious. Instead he'd just lie and say things like, "you've been ignoring what I say," or "you've been a bitch all week." (when that is completely untrue....but in his mind, if I'm focused on some project, then I'm being a bitch.
Jingling and butting in
Submitted by jennalemone on
H moves his body around too when we talk. He smokes cigars constantly and isolates into the garage with his cigars and beer and crosswords. He figits. ALWAYS has his hands in his pockets when talking, jingling loose change. I tell him it is distracting to me. My eyes and ears go to his groin and it almost makes me think he is calling attention to that area ...it may soothe him but it puts me on edge because I think it is so odd.
H snores loudly laying on his back with elbows out. He must have the TV on loudly all night long (because he has ringing in the ears) and all the lights on all night. He gets up a few times each night and smokes cigars. His bad habits, non-communication, lying and inability to be financially sound make him unappealing (and smelly) to me and impossible to sleep next to.
H says it is me who has the problem. My contribution to our difficulties is this: I have misophonia (hatred of some sounds. Snoring and smacking on food mostly.) I have hot flashes often that are preceded with a few minutes aura of PMS-like hormonal waves of nausea and anxiety. So I can get upset and crabby. I like to have things orderly and clean...somewhat OCD.
H butts in to every sentence I make. I used to push back to have my say and of course that would lead to an argument. Now when he butts in, I stop talking and just look at him, letting his "more important" sentence hang in the air while I look at him and wait til he is done. Then after he has finished with his entire thoughts on the subject and off on to other topics, I will try to say my sentence again using the same words. He will usually yell like I am bothering him, "I HEARD YOU". How could he hear me if I didn't say what I was going to say?
H does not want to attend any activity that makes him sit in a group of people silently...church, plays, funerals, weddings, movies, speeches. He has not said to me that these things are difficult for him, instead he criticizes the activity and says he won't go because those activities are dumb or unnecessary. Although H seems to me to be ADD inattentive, he seems to need the freedom of movement to jiggle and smoke. H's priority is his own personal freedom and his need to soothe himself. He depends on beer nightly. He cannot handle a serious conversation, planning, scheduling or a compromise. He does not share his difficulties but rather starts a fight with me rather than to think that he has problems that are causing us trouble. Things seem to overwhelm him. I used to think it was narcissistic...now I am wondering if he has ADD so bad he is not able to function and is protecting himself and doesn't realize what he is doing to us. The first thing he does when our sons come to the door is to hand them a beer and start with the jokes and the political rants....he needs to calm himself to be able to talk. I really can't say for sure if H has ADD really bad or is a total narcissist. I only know he won't talk about it.
Thanks for reading. I wanted to share that we are going through similar challenges. I have lost a good part of myself in my years of trying to have a partnership with H - because I don't exist there. Now I must put my efforts into finding community and purpose, clarity and acceptance. Trying to open myself to let my spirit thrive - to nurture that person who I once respected - myself. I am opening the doors to re-connect with someone who was once my best friend, strength and refuge, God.
Jenna, not everything that
Submitted by Bou (not verified) on
Jenna, not everything that you describe in your post is going on in my offline life, but sigh, yes, this
"H butts in to every sentence I make. I used to push back to have my say and of course that would lead to an argument. Now when he butts in, I stop talking and just look at him, letting his "more important" sentence hang in the air while I look at him and wait til he is done. Then after he has finished with his entire thoughts on the subject and off on to other topics, I will try to say my sentence again using the same words. He will usually yell like I am bothering him, "I HEARD YOU". How could he hear me if I didn't say what I was going to say?"
The butt-ins wax and wane with us. I have yet to be able to predict when we'll hit a rash of them, but as far as I can tell it's when mine is locked into something in his head (aka, not in listening mode at all,) and there may be a stress or fatigue thing for him. I've found that asking or demanding that I be able to finish a sentence I started sets him off, like it does your hub. Throw the non-ADHD rules of polite discussion out the window... But waiting until he's done happens just like it does with you, mine careens directly on to his next subject, and finds my attempt to complete what I wanted to say in what we were talking about a minute, or less, 15 seconds ago a disturbance. He thought he had covered the topic, lol, so why am I bringing it up again, when he just "finished" it?
This is definitely something that needs more work at our house. When he's in the zone, he knee jerk presumes that he knows what I'm going to say, and inserts what he'd say in my sentences. it's not very often anywhere close to what I was in the act of saying or thinking.
How are you getting said the things that you need to say?
Falling silent as a general rule has the danger that in telling me what I wasn't thinking, or interrupting my first sentence to head straight into a monologue, I figure he's just building, then reinforcing to himself a self-created picture of me that is in fact a mind figment in his head, made of his guesses, fears, etc, and that's a real recipe for trouble in a domestic relationship. If he and I are going to be happy, he's going to have to deal with me, not a version of me.
So sometimes I can let it go, if what I was saying was just chat, or casual observation, but sometimes I can't be silenced. Bottom line, how do you get said what you need to say, with your husband able to focus attention well enough on it to get it?
For big matters, it can work to start over, a day later, when he's not in interruptive mode. But that's not perfect
....You know at other times, Q&A or discussion works normally in our house....but we definitely do have these patches that you describe
How are you getting said the things that you need to say?
Submitted by jennalemone on
From directions from my own H, from written advice articles, from seeing what works and doesn't work, Here is how it seems we SHOULD get our points across with someone who suffers from ADD:
1. Judge whether this is a good time for him. Judge whether there is anything else going on with him or around him....no radio show, TV show, no paperwork in front of him, no project in front of him, not while he is driving, not during mealtime when he wants to enjoy his meal.
2. Make sure he does not feel "cornered". Set the mood in a place where it is not in my area or in his area. Outside works best.
3. Get his attention in a playful way. Start the conversation with jokes or fun. Make it fun for him.
3. Use a pretty tone of voice.
4. Do not ask a question but rather make a statement that is soft and loving.
5. Say the words plainly and loud if he is hard of hearing.
6. Say one sentence at a time and wait for him to process and don't expect a response for a little while. Waiting. Patience. Let him have as long as he needs to finish, waiting between long silences while he thinks between his sentences.
7. Keep bringing him back to the issue needed to be discussed. This will be upsetting for him, but keep going.
8. Keep myself on track remembering my own self-respect and faith in my own judgements, keeping my own personal integrity and purposes.
9. Do no ask questions! Questions are received as offense.
10. Do not care so much. Let it go. Don't have feelings about any conversations.
This does not work. Even if it did, wouldn't a person be a fool to work this hard over and over and still not connect? Unless you were a counselor who was being paid to pander this person, cajole this person, direct this person, what spouse would agree to go through all this? No one.
How My H SHOULD share a conversation with me: ..... Open his mouth and tell me what is on his mind. Ask questions.
Hi, Jenna, I wish I had more
Submitted by Bou (not verified) on
Hi, Jenna, I wish I had more time at the moment, and will come back again when I have more, but here are a few quick, but truthful reactions to items on that list
1. Won't work at our house. There's no time that I've ever seen that all of those optimal factors are operating for him. Plus trying to guess whether he feels properly disposed to my opening my mouth will lead me to walking on eggshells.
2. I think this might have some traction for us, but life moves on much too fast to set this staging and to convince my husband to do something like take a walk every time I want to bring up a subject. We have, in fact, little time in the 24 hour period in which we can do our ordinary and necessary talking as it is. So this one I like in principle for big conversations and there's something to me not cornering him in his workspace at home nor he in mine, but "setting the stage" is 'way too unrealistic for most of the back and forth that needs to happen. We're working people. Life moves faster than that
3. I am never going to turn myself into a kewpie doll smiley face with anyone, to butter them up. A quieter tone, used by both of us, not just me, helps us, but that's far from what the 3. suggestions are.
4. Similar reaction to above. I'll question when I have questions.
5. We don't have to wear hearing aids at home.
6. This one looks like it is borrowed from literature about autistic neurological limitations. I've never thought my H couldn't keep up, but I do think sometimes he, or I, lock onto something early and discussion and miss some of what was heard.
3, 4, 5 treat him like he's mentally deficient or a toddler, which mine certainly isn't. I'm pretty sure, because he's quick, that he'd pick up that I was treating him like an infant.
7. Sometimes this seems to be needed. Sometimes couples need actually to work something through, to a decision that will be executed, which means that it's not over until it is over to the satisfaction or at least the clear understanding of both, so that one, or both, or the other, then carries whatever it is out. Sometimes I think yes, we need repetitions in the conversation, and to keep going until we're done. He sometimes need to repeat himself, sometimes I do.
8. I think this is important. How this is accomplished in conversations where one is being talked over, interrupted, not responded to, etc is not easy, I don't find.
9. In my house, I'll keep asking questions, if I have questions. They're not dumb questions, and they nearly always have to do with learning something that needs to be learned, about his welfare, about mine, etc. : ) I would get loudmouthed if my Mr. Wonderful told me not to ask questions, and he would rue ever having come up with that nutsy idea. he and I do questions OK, though sometimes I tell him why I'm asking a question, that seems to help sometimes.
10. Well, I do think that there's something that I've needed to sort out, and am still working on regarding where to place my care. I can't "fix" him or "fix" many problems that are his to deal with. I do want work for our well being in a way that does not end up being me putting myself down in order to do it. So I can't nor do I want to cut free of caring about many things. But there is some letting go that I'm working on. IMHO, some of the classic features of ADHD limitation tend to decoy people around people who have it into classic codependency thinking that they are the solution to their partner's problem, they fill in all gaps, they are the one to speak in "soft tones, not asking questions, or whatever" To me, the whole thing tends to tug the partner of someone with ADHD toward codependency. Or it has me. And I've been down that rabbit hole and don't want to go down into that again. So yes, I've got some letting go of some things to work on. But I fully appreciate that partner is not doing some habitual behaviors that I read about on this site that I find horrific to read about: acting out, extreme, selfcentered, a danger to the little kids, and so on.
So my 1-10 are not "tips" for anyone, just reaction to them from my life.
I'd love to hear how others respond to your list Jenna, and what you think of the details of any of your 1-10.
It is my impression that the
Submitted by PoisonIvy on
It is my impression that the list is intended to be ironic. As in, although this is what people without ADHD are told to do when communicating with their partners, in reality, doing things like this makes not a bit of difference. As many of us have found, following such suggestions is often futile.
There's the rub
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
Rosered,
Having been on the search for 'things that will work', I would sure like to understand why it is wrought with futility. Not just for me, but for many of us here. Why is it like that elusive dream? I find it extremely difficult - for both sides, my ADHD spouse AND myself. It is really difficult for me to see him in such - well - turmoil I guess is the correct word. There is certainly a disconnect when it comes to understanding why he doesn't versus why he wont versus why he can't.
It goes along those lines of people with drinking or drug problems - they insist louder and louder that they do not have a problem - it is everyone else who has the problem. They are incredulous in disbelief, and cannot understand why their spouse cannot choose to be close or intimate with them.
There just is so much more to it than I am any longer willing to understand or try to figure out. It is like trying to nail Jello to a wall.
Liz
H does not want to attend any activity that makes him sit in a g
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
<<<
H does not want to attend any activity that makes him sit in a group of people silently...church, plays, funerals, weddings, movies, speeches. He has not said to me that these things are difficult for him, instead he criticizes the activity and says he won't go because those activities are dumb or unnecessary. Although H seems to me to be ADD inattentive, he seems to need the freedom of movement to jiggle and smoke. H's priority is his own personal freedom and his need to soothe himself. He depends on beer nightly. He cannot handle a serious conversation, planning, scheduling or a compromise.
>>>
this sounds like a mix of my husband and his father.
H is horrible with social activities with others UNLESS he can be center of attention. If we're at someone's home for dinner, and various people are talking, H will want to "eat and leave" because he isn't center of attention. His dad is the SAME way. His dad has to be "in control" and be the one talking.
Both H and his father were "self-soothers"....His dad would self-soothe by watching a LOT of TV. H used to do that too, and still does, but now H drinks a lot, too.
Thank-you
Submitted by sophiesmom on
Thank-you for all the comments.. I do appreciate them. And yes I do believe that I am going crazy especially now since I've been proactive at finding a solution. I guess I could just let it be for another 5, 10 plus years but why?? Maybe I would then be too mentally exhausted to challenge him. I just don't know anymore.. But last year, I thought I was having a stroke or even MS-- went to the doctor and he suggested an MRI asap. I was scared as all heck. Spouse didn't offer any support at all-- his only concern was the cost of it (we have insurance!!) It turns out I am OK and doctor told me it was from stress. So I am exercising more to help with balancing family and work life. It's hard without having support from spouse. Spouse does exercise BUT I don't think it helps-- I find him to be more hyped up or even more of a jerk than before..
I went to the dentist lately and I need work done so I'm so freaked out about telling spouse... I shouldn't be nervous?? This is my health and we both work!! So I vented some to my parents this past weekend-- staying strong.. If I broke down crying they would worry more. She said I could blame my dad (ha ha) since he has always had awful teeth and still does-- It's hereditary I think! But she agreed that spouse is high strung and that he has some anxiety issues and suggested I find a good dr (psy) to see because it won't get better on it's on. In the end I will be 'paying' for all this turmoil not him.
This past Monday I saw a therapist for myself--- She remembered me from 5 years ago. About 5 years ago I went to see her to talk about my marriage. When I saw her Monday she couldn't believe I was still with him!!! For some reason I can't move on-- it's scary to me. Being a single parent isn't fun!! Back then It didn't even occur to me that it was something mental. But now I do believe it is something that needs to be diagnosed.
Another layer, is his side of the family is strange--- just odd like not close, no talking nothing..BUT the mom still likes to get together for all holidays. His brother divorced about 3 years ago-- she left him due to abuse and other things. I called my other sister-in-law who is close to divorcing but I needed to know more about his parents who are still living BUT noone talks about this.. The father is controlling I know but it was so much worse in the earlier years which explains his moms actions.The dad is old school and has treated women like they are stupid! And the mother had OCD which I didn't know!!! It's unclear for what or if she still has it. I guess the father admitted this one time like 25 years ago. Anyways..... it just explains why spouse is like he is and the bottom line is we need to fix this with meds OR I need to be strong and get the hell out!!!! I'm just pissed at myself for being in this situation!! Just a lot of anger and stupidity!!!
We are doing marital counseling tonight and he is angry about it... Badgering me about spending the money on this and it's an inconvenience tonight! We do have insurance so i just don't get it. He says we can just talk at the kitchen table for free.. ha ha ha ha that is the biggest crock because at the kitchen table he can control everything and then I'm still aggravated. Thanks for reading--- I don't think I'm crazy, I think I've just been neglected for too long. And I hope I can be strong for tonight and not break down.
Your right--
Submitted by sophiesmom on
It is like nailing Jello to the wall... (great analogy!)
I know there may not be a solution and yes eventually I will have to put this all behind me. But I just wish spouse would be honest with me and agree that something is 'off'' and not right. It can't be all me, I'm not in denial... just tired.
Love, love, love, love, love
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
sophiesmom,
In my humanness, I THOUGHT love would be enough. If Liz could just love enough, I could love him back to me,
"It can't be all me, I'm not in denial... just tired."
That right there - that is what caused Liz to become: I'm So Exhausted. And once my spouse started to read my posts here earlier this year, I cringe every-time I hear him tell me that "I just can never be good enough for you. I am so exhausted even trying. . . . . . . ."
Sigh. . . . . . . . .
Liz
Thank you for your post! Our
Submitted by ICanSeeClearlyNow on
Thank you for your post! Our situations are so similar - the description of your husband (the needing him to agree with you, the rushing, rushing, rushing, gobbling food, etc....but also being a good provider and doing things for the kids if told when and how) is so familiar to me. I've been trying to get my husband to therapy, telling him I'm losing myself, feeling anxious around him, often angry...but he won't go, pretty much saying the same thing about being able to do the same thing at the kitchen table. I've been feeling guilty about my attempts to push him into therapy and not feeling comfortable with just kitchen table talks and I couldn't put my finger on why I didn't feel the kitchen table would be enough...but you put it well: it's the control thing. A third party is what we need right now. I, like you, have just started individual therapy again, and my dilemna, like yours is single mom vs. living in this sometimes toxic environment. Good luck to you with the marital counselling - i hope the fact that you can get him there, means there's some hope for improvement.
Oh that list cracked me up!
Submitted by dvance on
Oh that list cracked me up! A few years ago, maybe two, the therapist DH sees had him hang two hooks in our walk in closet and put three metal washer on one of them. Every time I asked DH a question I had to move one of the rings to the other hook and when I had used up all three, I could not ask any more questions that day. About anything. Can you even imagine??? I know I have posted this here before--it still blows my mind that two adults thought this was a reasonable thing in a marriage. It did make me realize how little DH is capable of. Item #10 on that list--don't care so much--that is my solution. I use DH's obliviousness to my advantage. He has no idea all the stuff I do without him/around him/despite him. When he travels on business, I have the best time--I enjoy my kids company so much more, I go out with friends, stay up late OR go to bed early, whichever works with the kids lives--it's just so much easier. Everyone on here says how hard it is to be a single parent, but isn't that what we all are anyway??? My DH makes things harder, not easier, so how could being an actual single parent be any different???? I don't get why we are all (myself included) so afraid to be a single parent when that is pretty much what we are anyway. And I am including myself in that because I have not pulled the trigger on a divorce yet either. Not entirely clear on what's stopping me--still working on that.
Oh that list cracked me up! A few years ago, maybe two, the the
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
<<< Oh that list cracked me up! A few years ago, maybe two, the therapist DH sees had him hang two hooks in our walk in closet and put three metal washer on one of them. Every time I asked DH a question I had to move one of the rings to the other hook and when I had used up all three, I could not ask any more questions that day. About anything. Can you even imagine??? I know I have posted this here before--it still blows my mind that two adults thought this was a reasonable thing in a marriage. <<<
What was the point? Had your H told the T that you ask too many questions? Did these concern questions that involved asking him to do something like, "will you take Susie to her practice?" Or, did this include questions like, "Are you hungry?"
How long did this last?
It applied to any and all
Submitted by dvance on
It applied to any and all questions, anything from "would you drive DS to school" to "how are you feeling today". DH has always told me he feels like I am interrogating him--oh, I have heard that more times than I can count, and yet most times I have to ask many questions because I never get a straight answer!!! DH told his therapist and our couples therapist that I ask too many questions and he gets "flooded" or overwhelmed. I find that ridiculous--I mean, do you suppose the people at his job pace themselves with asking questions so as not to overwhelm him or do they just need him to do his job like every other adult who holds down a job??? So silly. It's like dealing with a toddler.