What is a healthy productive way of dealing with this ? I might just be brain foggy but I'm not seeing any resources concerning this. Could some Kind point me to some?
Today I am having an allergy attack, and I have taken the WRONG medication ! Why ? Because my ADHD spouse brought home the wrong medication and I didn't have my glasses on to double it in the middle of an allergy attack. I am Anaphylatic so this is extremely dangerous for me, It won't kill me this time, but it could in the future. This time it will just cause me extreme pain.
This isn't the first time he has done this, and it's not the only safety concern . He regularly brings home things I am allergic to, which causes me severe allergy attacks. He not only leaves the stove on, he insists, on putting Flammable objects on the stove and then loses it when, I ask him not to do that because it's a safety hazard.
I realize this is a bit of a rant, but the question is Honest, I am at teh end of my rope here and short of moving out, have no idea of how to deal with this.
He is supposedly in treatment for the past year, but all the doctor does is change his medication around, and now he is off it because it was making him unintelligible. The "counselor has seen him ONCE for a "getting to know you session" and only tells him she will see when she can "fit him in".
If I have to choose between my life and my husband, the choice is Definitely my life! Is there no other way to safety for me?
Mayadevi
Wisdom
Submitted by I'm So Exhausted on
Mayadevi,
Everyone makes mistakes. That said, it would not be very wise to assign lifeguard duty to a person who cannot swim.
My gut response - take control of your own medications. Do not assign that responsibility to anyone.
What I have learned, the focus for you needs to be your own safety first, then try to be supportive in your spouse's choices in addressing his ADHD symptoms.
Liz
Thanks Liz ! You are right
Submitted by Mayadevi on
Thanks Liz ! You are right of course. DH was in charge of picking up the meds since I can't go to the store to do it myself. That said, now that the meds have gone OTC, Perhaps I can order them online somewhere and take charge of that myself.
Mayadevi
Liz is right....you can't trust your H....
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
Sadly, many people would make this mistake when picking up the meds for someone else.
If you ever have to have him pick up meds, then call the pharmacy once the drug is filled, and ask them to review with you what was given to you....then have your H pick it up....and have him give you your glasses to double-check.
Anyone reading this needs to be aware that ADHD people and other "not mindful" people can't be trusted with such things. My H almost accidentally double-dosed our dog with insulin, so I am the ONLY one who gives him his insulin now.
If I were ever in need of medical assistance, I would NOT be able to count on my H to handle such things in a safe way....at all.
Was this a pharmacy item or OTC?
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
If the pharmacy made a mistake then they need to be contacted.
If your H picked up the wrong OTC med, then you have to avoid that by buying those meds yourself and keeping them with you. Many have "far out" expiration dates, so that shouldn't be a problem. Also, you can contact the drug company, because typically (non perishable) meds are good for 18 months after their stated expiration date. (non perishable means meds that aren't refrigerated or similar. Many pills are non very perishable).
If necessary, take a pic of the right med with your H's phone...include a notation of what you're allergic to. Do that now, so it would be there for future emergencies.
Then if he HAD to go to the store, have him go to the drug store AND ASK the pharmacy's help in locating the correct one using the pic and the notation of allergic reactions.
Pharmacies will help you locate OTC meds if you ask them
That's an Excellent idea ! I
Submitted by Mayadevi on
That's an Excellent idea ! I'll be doing that as soon as he gets home !
It's an allergy Med that USED to be prescription only, that is Now OTC. It's been OTC for a few years now. He got it OTC so it's not the Dispensor's fault. I'm going to try to order it online somehow in the future. I'll take a picture for him and tell him he MUST ASK for help if he ever has to locate it again. He claims he is already asking people to read labels for him in the store to make sure products don't contain ingredients I am allergic to.
I guess part of it is me having a difficult time adjusting to the realization that he can't be trusted with such things. The always having to check and sometimes re-check is wearing on me :(
Wow, this makes me so sad.
Submitted by Mayadevi on
Wow, this makes me so sad.
I"ll hope then that this post will be of some use to other's with ADHD or otherwise unmindful spouses, so that they too can plan properly.
Sorry to hear of the close call with your dog Overwhelmedwife, I've had similar close calls with out cats.
I guess it's not entirely unexpected, and I'll have to come to terms with it.
Mayadevi
This isn't the first time he has done this, and it's not the onl
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
<<<
This isn't the first time he has done this, and it's not the only safety concern . He regularly brings home things I am allergic to, which causes me severe allergy attacks. He not only leaves the stove on, he insists, on putting Flammable objects on the stove and then loses it when, I ask him not to do that because it's a safety hazard.
>>>
What I've found is that this sort of thing isn't only ADHD, there's another mentally unhealthy situation.
A person with ONLY ADHD would not likely "fight you" on things like putting things on the stove. An ADHD person would forget, but the "arguing with you," is a sign of some other issue.
Have you seen a marriage counselor? If anything, just to have that authority figure tell him about safety issues. Seriously, I've had to rely on 3rd party experts to tell H that certain things aren't acceptable....because he wouldn't listen to me. But, he would accept the words from a 3rd party.
My H used to stop the car on railroad tracks and he would argue with me about that. My father had to tell him that not only is that dangerous, but it's a traffic violation and if a cop saw it, we'd get a ticket. The RR own the tracks and cars only have an easement right to "pass over" but NOT STOP on them. Once my dad told my H that, H has never done that again. But...he wouldn't believe me. The 3rd party person has to be someone your H likes and respects.
there is such a thing as the Marble Game....and I'll write a new thread about it. It may help explain some of this....
<<<<<< What I've found is
Submitted by Mayadevi on
<<<<<< What I've found is that this sort of thing isn't only ADHD, there's another mentally unhealthy situation.>>>>>>
Well, this isn't good news. His doctor did mention the possibility of Depression as well, but mentioned the possibility of further testing. I was under the impression that it was common for people with ADHD to respond with Denial and play games such as " I say what you say", but have asked him to get checked for other things as well.
<<<<<<Seriously, I've had to rely on 3rd party experts to tell H that certain things aren't acceptable....because he wouldn't listen to me. But, he would accept the words from a 3rd party >>>>>
OMG, THIS !!
He does this to me ALL the time ! I've actually had to get Doctor's notes to g ive to him about not doing/eating certain things.
He will believe just about anyone BUT me !
We haven't been to a marriage counselor.. I want to say ."yet" but it would be tricky to arrange.
I've heard of a lot of games people play but The Marble Game isn't one of them?
Mayadevi
other types of physical harm
Submitted by dedelight4 on
Wow, Mayadevi, what a thing to have to be careful of with your spouse. I hope you get this worked out okay, and that YOU are okay. Does he get angry about this, or feel bad? My husband would get angry and tell me, "Well, I didn't know", or "You should told me exactly what you wanted" (even if I did).
My husband does something dangerous in a different way, that I'm always looking for ways to help. My ADHD husband is always slamming doors, whether it's the heavy "outside" house doors, or car doors, etc., it's an everyday thing. He's shut my fingers in the car door and broken my fingers twice. Being a pianist, this isn't a good thing for me, (or anyone, lol) We have a small granddaughter living with us, and she follows behind her "papa", and I'm scared to DEATH he's going to slam her fingers in the doors, because he doesn't watch. I'm always saying...."Watch for fingers", or "Careful of doors". I put signs with happy faces on them on the doors saying, "Thank you for shutting the door quietly", or "Thank you for not slamming the door". etc, and so far nothing has worked. I know he's always in his "own world" so to speak, and his mind isn't where his body is at, so it's difficult getting him to focus on the PRESENT. It's also hard on the doors, and it weakens the doors and shakes the house every time he goes in and out. He grills meat on the grill a LOT, so he goes in and out the back door maybe 30 to 40 times while grilling a steak. (he's hyperactive) He can't stay in one place very long, and is always running here and there, so it's in and out....in and out....in and out...slam, slam, slam, slam. It gets a little nerve wracking after several slams in a 10 minute time period.
This isn't as serious as DYING from a medication, I know, and I don't EVER mean to make this sound even close to that, but it is something I daily stress about. I am still looking for ways to ease the door slamming, so if anyone has found anything that works, I'd appreciate it.
Hope your day is good, and hugs to you.