Understanding and Isolation
I can deeply relate to the feelings of grief, resentment, anger, sadness, and loneliness described in this support group. This has been my reality for years. It's hard for anyone to truly understand unless they've experienced it firsthand. While I've tried talking to friends and family, they can't relate, and I've learned that venting to them doesn't help. Past therapy for myself has been frustrating, with therapists suggesting the relationship is unhealthy without offering real solutions. This group feels like the only place where I'm truly understood.
The Impact of ADHD
My husband was recently diagnosed with moderate combined ADHD at 44, though we suspected it years ago. We've been together since 2010, and thankfully, we chose not to have children or our relationship would not have lasted. Although he says he recognizes how his ADHD affects our relationship and participates in the self study course I'm not sure that he truly does. Although many ADHD symptoms are present daily, the primary struggle is with hyperfocus and distraction, which manifests in obsessive behaviors like sports betting. [So you may need to google arbitrage sports betting] but this is what his latest hyperfocus has been on. Despite financial stability, he spends countless hours on his phone, laptop, or at casinos. This obsession, fueled by his ADHD, has taken a toll on our relationship. Let me explain here he does not lose money but has found a way to make money through arbitrage bets. He thrives on all aspects of arbitrage betting. He's spoken with tax attorneys negotiated with betting platforms reps. It's like a game for him and he's mastered it. I'm not happy to say he has made thousands of dollars but it's not about the money for me it's about the lack of connection. I feel vulnerable to tell people this in fear they will think, "well...if he's making money you shouldn't be complaining"
The problem is there was and will continue to be this hyperfocus behavior - it's also been present in other forms from early on- video games, stock market trading, specific eating habits and exercise regimes. I just didn't know it had a name.
The Emotional Toll
As Melissa points out I was once his hyperfocus at the beginning but now I often feel like an unwanted obstacle in his life, interrupting his time that he wants to spend arbitraging. While he's a kind and generous person, his constant focus on his obsessions leaves little room for connection. The lack of emotional support and understanding has led to frustration, anger and loneliness on my end.
Seeking Solutions
We're currently undergoing marriage counseling, though it hasn't been particularly helpful, but at least it's time spent together. I'm hoping that Melissa's courses can shed light on effective strategies for managing ADHD and improving our relationship. We are on lesson 7 but we listen at the faster pace and I feel like he just wants to get thru it to "pacify" me. My favorite part is the Q& A from other people. I think it explains and shows him how other couples' problems are exactly like ours.
