Submitted by Frustrated Non-ADHD on 06/13/2015.
Why is it OK for people with ADHD to procrastinate and get distracted the way they do? Why tolerate it? Why stay married to someone who obviously doesn't care enough to change? People without ADHD need to stop tolerating this type of behavior. It is not OK and it is not fair. NON-ADHD people need to take a stand. I believe it is a made up disorder for people who are simply lazy. I don't think it's right that society has come up with an excuse for these people when the rest of us have to suffer. They need to learn to be responsible and society needs to stop enabling them.
HI Frustrated....
Submitted by c ur self on
I will just say her that you are wrong and right....ADHD people have real struggles....Now if you are married or in a relationship with one it is going to effect you also, and that is a fact....
Lazy? I agree that some become lazy to the things they do not like, But, I've seen more hyper, very busy very effective ADHD people than lazy....My wife seem's lazy or unconcerned when it comes to forcing herself to work in the house....But, I know why that is, to some degree, she has a hoarding issue that limits her ability to clean and get rid of things.....Now also if you've ever seen a add person trying to clean, or cook effectively, you will realize that distractibility is really real!...My dear wife also wants to keep most everything;) Why tolerate it you ask....Well we really don't have to here in the USA...If you are a responsible working adult, you can survey the situation and shake their hand and say I'm leaving, I'm not carrying another adult in life!....And go in the divorce line...But, if you and this add/adhd person are married, and committed to each other there is plenty to stay for. I said for better or worse, for always and for ever....And I meant it....Now I admit I had only a glimmer of what was coming LOL....I agree that if a person is able to have the benefit of freedom and turned loose on society, they should care about being responsible....But, we all know the prison's and jails are full of people that don't mind taking advantage of you....There has been an epidemic of cancer the last several years....And seems to be a lot more add/adhd diagnoses also...I'm not sure if anyone really know's for sure what causes it....But, rest assured the list of things like, the inability to manage time, the inability to have consistent sleep patterns, the hoarding tendency's, the talking the inability to follow in conversation. the inability to organize or I should say limited ability's....They are as real as the sunshine:)
I concur!
Submitted by Dipity on
My husband is the epitome of
Submitted by LyraHeartstrings on
My husband is the epitome of lazy. He's got the ADHD bad and so does his sister and her son and possibly one of their parents as well. My husband would not cut the grass or hedges or shovel snow until weeks had gone by and I was screaming at him. All the nicey nicey asking didn't yield a result, and he would sit comfortably playing video games while I was out there getting frostbitten hauling huge amounts of snow (this was in Canada so you do the math) and in summer mowing the back and front yards and clipping the enormous hedge out front. I'd also be raking the leaves and picking up twigs etc. This is just BASIC stuff that he should be helping with, but his answer was, "I don't want to" or "I won't do it." Why? Because he says that it's not "worth" doing because the grass isn't "killing anyone" and even though I was embarrassed by it being so unkempt, he made ME the problem by saying that I shouldn't care what the neighbors think. Well the city sent us a letter ordering us to cut the grass because neighbors had complained and I can tell you the grass and other plant life in the backyard, some plants were taller than me and I'm 5 foot 2. He whined and complained about having to cut it even then! He wanted to put it off since they gave us a week to get it done, but I said NO WAY we're going out there and doing it NOW.
My husband does not eat right or work out. He does not like moving. We went to pick up our daughter at school and he parked really far from the door so I got out to walk down and he just sat there, so I said, are you coming with me? And he said, and I KID YOU NOT:
"That would involve standing and standing takes effort."
That's how lazy he is.
He has no ambition whatsoever, he never wants to get anything done or help with anything. I have to ask and ask and beg and plead and nag and scream and even THEN I got unheard. Then of course I get called a bitch and attacked for having to be his "mom". Which is resents. Which everyone says not to do. So it all gets to be my fault because he can't just do anything for anyone.
Does your H work a full time
Submitted by overwhelmedwife on
Does your H work a full time job and bring home a good income?
If not, then he's made the choice to let you be the parent/mom by supporting him.
It's not fair that he leaves all the "adult duties" to you and then insults you for wanting to get them done. That's what a child does. Im guessing that he didn't have to do REGULAR daily chores as a young child/young adult.
Our painful reality's
Submitted by c ur self on
lyraheartstrings I feel for you...This kind of situation is common here to a degree...I started to suggest to you when he reaches for something he wants...Like when he wants your panties to hit the floor...Then you should say...I'm worn out from all the work I've been doing....And just let him mull that over for a while, see if no sex can cause him to see he needs to step it up....But, really all that becomes is a pissing contest w/ no winners and a lot of anger and frustration....
I tell you what I had to do to maintain sanity and keep a healthy life stylelife, and mostly to protect my own heart from anger and bitterness....I have to go on with my life like she doesn't exist....Just let her deal with her, and try to not let her living of life consume me....It's everyday....I'm up now fixing to head to church service, and she's in there a sleep...I just focus on what I think is right for me....You are not responsible for one thing your husband say's or does....But, you like me are responsible for our own words and actions....It is so easy to let our minds see their refusal or inability to live life responsibly and allow it to damage our emotions....We must not engage it, got to wiser than that.....
Blessings C
I am so sorry to hear about
Submitted by Frustrated Non-ADHD on
I HATE the word "panties". I
Submitted by LyraHeartstrings on
I HATE the word "panties". I think it's one of the worst words ever created. Men get to wear underwear but never "panties". It sounds so horribly diminutive for a grown human being.
That said, we never have sex so he really couldn't care less one way or another. He never brushes his teeth so I never kiss him. I have told him a zillion times how gross it is but he doesn't CARE because I guess brushing teeth is too much EFFORT. He grows his beard out like a freaking lumberjack and never looks clean. He rarely bothers to take a shower.
We live like roommates. He's no helper or partner and he has no JOB. He lives off me, basically.