I feel I'm frankly at the point where I am ready to file for divorce. I feel like I've lost myself. I think I've felt like that our whole relationship. I am sick of feeling like I am his mother. I am sick of my needs always coming last. I am sick of feeling so alone. I am sick of feeling unsupported and taken advantage of. Most of all, I am sick of being lied to. My husband has a porn addiction. He is always on the brink of addiction with alcohol or anything else that will "numb the pain." He hadn't been watching porn (at least to my knowledge) for a four months. He started watching porn again and I found it on his phone. He admitted to it and said it was a one time mistake. I found crap on his ipod a week ago. He tried gaslighting me and saying it was from before. I told him I know it is not from before, because I have checked his ipod periodically. He continued to lie even when confronted. He continued to say I was crazy. He then finally came clean. I told him I am done with his lies. I told him if he watches porn and isn't forthcoming enough to tell me about it, I'm going to the divorce attorney. What do I find yet again on his phone. He was home one day this week and nothing was done. I knew that's what he was doing. I'm tired of this cycle. He says he's not going to confront any emotions or feelings, because that's what led to his depression. How the hell can anything be accomplished if you ignore everything? If you ignore your spouses emotional needs? He is in serious denial. I have never wanted a divorce. I have stood by his side through so much. Yet, where is his compassion? Where is his motivation to be a good husband and father. He says he tries. Yes he does try, but it always comes back to his constant lies. How can I ever trust someone who continues to lie and be dishonest. And someone who has no empathy or compassion for what I go through? His behavior is unacceptable. I'm scare to leave my husband, but I am scare to stay. I don't want to start over at this point in my life. However, I don't feel I am really living either. Thanks for letting me vent : )
Why I have put up with this for so long?
Submitted by jade21 on 06/18/2015.
Hi Jade 21...
Submitted by c ur self on
"Concerning your husband, change for him, would be the same as if you got up in the morning and felt like all was well in your marriage, If your mind all of a sudden had none of the feelings you stated above"..He is locked into a mind with addictions...These type chemical addictions are stronger than self-will. It's everywhere Porn is just one of them. His living of life so directly impacts you the spouse it is no wonder you are in the state of mind you are in. I understand....The last thing anyone wants to do is walk away....We want to help...We want to find a way to make our love save others. Most of the hopelessness and pain in my own relationship has evolved because of this type thinking....Which leads me to stating the obvious, verbally engaging when I was hopeless to do anything constructive with the truth. It's easy for me to set here in a quiet peaceful moment and say to you..."Do not engage him with words that state the obvious, because he (the mind he lives in) is powerless to change"..The reason I know this is because I've been powerless to not continually state the obvious ( the mind I live in).
Divorce sadly happens when marriages get so abusive, so out of proportion with what our creator meant for us....Feeling alone, unloved and victimized can make one's heart turn quiet hard....
Sometimes instead of giving up the best medicine is to separate for a period...An adult who is forced to grow, (be responsible for themselves) usually will seek and find the answers own their own. This gives us the best opportunity to grow ( see ourselves) and change can take place...When you pull the crutch's out from under their arms ( a mothering spouse who is so stuck in this trap their mind want let them change) they may have the pain of falling...But, as they continually get back up and push forward they can receive healing and will get stronger.
What ever you do I wish you Peace in it....
C
That is really sad. People
Submitted by LyraHeartstrings on
That is really sad. People who are addicted really can't take care of anyone else or themselves for that matter. It's a losing situation. I would recommend separating from him just to get yourself together and tending to your own needs. You need to get out of that place you're in. It's hurting you and the kids. He needs to get a good wake up call, too. Nothing will change unless you make a move to change it. He doesn't care enough about you, his kids or himself to try to stop this downward spiral. You have to save yourself and your kids.