Tomorrow is my birthday. For the 14 years we have been married , my DH has been consistently inconsistent about remembering it, much less planning anything, however small to celebrate. I'm not talking big, I'm talking a card that wasn't bought the morning of my birthday when he sees my face and realizes I am upset because he has, once again, forgotten . We have a 10 year old child who is learning from his Dad how to celebrate birthdays . He has adhd also but he gets upset with himself when he realizes he didn't do anything to celebrate. How do you tell a 10 year old boy who worships his dad that he has been doing this since before you were born? I simply told him it was not his responsibility, as a 10 year old, to plan for my birthday. I said it as kindly as possible, because I know better than to bad mouth his dad- it simply is wrong to do that to a child. I spoke to my DH privately and told him he needed to talk to our son and tell him it is not his(our sons) responsibility to plan something for me.he apologized, as he always does, and spoke to our little guy. Why does he continue to do this, year after year. He did the same thing for Mother's Day. I asked him once about this when we were in therapy and he said it was "to much pressure" to choose the right gift and so he just would forget. That was his way of coping. This man does not deny he has adhd. He is on meds, although he acknowledges they are not working. He has done nothing to change his meds . Takes too much work. We took Melissa's course. At least I did- he couldn't make it home from work by 8:30 so many times that I don't know if he even finished listening to the sessions after they were recorded. I took a suggestion from one poster here to go to alanon meetings- it has been a lifesaver. I stay because of my child, who is a handful. I don't know if this is the right thing to do or not- I am just so sad, lost & confused. I try to pretend days like my birthday don't exist. I deserve much better treatment than this, but does my need for a happy marriage trump my sons need to have his parents together? No easy answers.
Why is my birthday so hard for him to remember?
Submitted by lulu18 on 05/18/2014.
My H is the same
Submitted by Mapper (not verified) on
I have never received a "Happy Birthday" from him without having to clue him in in some way. Some birthdays I have told myself that I am not going to say anything and see how long it takes for him to remember. Sometimes I don't hear anything and then we go to bed and I say "Happy Birthday to me" and he goes "Oh yes Happy Birthday".
For 4 of my birthdays we were living long distance. I would go out with friends and come home in the evening expecting to find a message from him. There was never a message. I'd wait until 10PM or so and finally call him and clue him in that it's my birthday. It doesn't help that my birthday is the day after Christmas either!
Other birthdays I'd remind him that it was my birthday and he'd go "You told me you hate to be reminded that it's your birthday". I've told him a dozen times that I don't want a gift for my birthday but I do want it to be remembered and maybe be treated a little special. He seems to twits this into his version of what I said.
Then one time he actually did say happy birthday to me in the morning but then a few hours later when the mail came he got a surprise child support letter in the mail (up until then he was just giving what he could to his ex) saying now they were going to dock his check for it and he went on a rampage and was so angry the rest of the day. He was yelling at me and yelling at his daughter and it was all our fault that he got this letter. One of the worst birthdays ever.
Yet for his birthday he always expects something and asks for some high end item.
My MIL has to remind my husband
Submitted by snsforever916 on
My husband cannot seem to remember anything but what he wants to. He sure remembers his holidays, his birthday, the boys birthday etc. He cares for what he wants to care for and remembers things that he wants to. Obviously, we are not as important or too much of a hassle. Sucks...really sucks!