Submitted by hamilte3 on 07/21/2014.
My wife has been frustrated with me lately and it turns out my psych said the Focalin I'm on is "speed". Since she grew up with the worst of the worst drugs which both her mother and father abused their entire life, she thinks she's going through it again. If I don't take my med I told her I'd likely loose my job since I've already been warned at work. Anybody know the best way to approach this? It is highly emotional for her, so I reassured her, but she said she'd never be convinced it isn't speed.
Thanks for any positive contributions you may have!
Ed
No, you are NOT a drug addict :)
Submitted by ADHDMomof2 on
Hi Ed!
Fellow ADHDer here!
This is obviously an emotional issue for her due to her upbringing, so I wouldn't go in guns blazing. She has her reasons for thinking the way she does, but they simply aren't based on reality.
I would cite studies that say that those with ADHD who are medicated are less likely to DO DRUGS. Why? Because we don't need to self-medicate when our biochemistry is balanced.
On a personal note, if I had a dime for every time (as a teacher) a student with SEVERE ADHD forgot to take his or her meds, I would be so rich, I would have my own castle. With a moat. And alligators.
Drug addicts don't forget their "meds." People with ADHD do.
Good luck. Try to remember her experiences and memories of her past are quite powerful.
ADHDMomof2
Thank you. These are really
Submitted by hamilte3 on
Thank you. These are really good thoughts. I will remember she has all those memories which make it all difficult. Yes, I don't self-medicate and I want to get better and keep my job. That's it!
Ed
boundaries go both ways
Submitted by Smokey on
Hi Ed,
I admit I had this same worry with my ADHD BF when he started taking aderall a few years ago. (In my defense, he didn't really use it as prescribed. Now, doesn't take it at all.)
However, something we have both learned over the years is that it's necessary to do what you think is right. If you don't take your meds because your wife says no, then essentially you're saying "you may be right, there might be a part of me that just wants to get high."
As a somewhat juvenile but I think illustrative example, think about a jealous BF who forbids his GF for going out drinking with her friends. She might end up not going out because she doesn't want to deal with the pain of fighting, but this might communicate to him: "You're right, you can't trust me."
You should definitely hear her out, have 110% empathy, DONT get defensive and try to make it about how she has "problems" from her childhood. That doesn't mean you shouldn't take your medicine. You can't risk your job, and especially not your health, to help her deal with this. At the end of the day, it won't help either of you. Be loving and caring towards her, but explain that you have to do what you think is best for your health and wellbeing. In my relationship I've learned that a little bit of (sincere) empathy can go a long way.
There are a lot of people who don't believe in ADHD, don't believe in medication for ADHD, or just have general stigma about mental health issues. You can be understanding about these beliefs, but don't have to act in a way you know is wrong.
Good luck!
Thanks also to you Smokey.
Submitted by hamilte3 on
Thanks also to you Smokey. My wife is starting to see that the drug has really helped me and is not so worried. We are both adjusting? I'm much more talkative and sometimes annoying. So I'm learning to adjust to my new self. I am the happiest I've been for a long time. I went in for Major Depression and got some relief from a strong anti-depressant. I took Focalin and its like it wiped it out completely. I couldn't believe. it. Thanks to you and everyone for you input!
that's great news
Submitted by Smokey on
Hi Ed, I'm glad everything is working out for you. If you don't mind me asking, can you describe more of your experience with depression? My BF is on antidepressants and they don't seem to do much good other than (possibly) easing the worst of it. He is now trying a methylphenidate (amphetimine was no good) but just starting out, on a low dose, so it's hard to see the effects but I have hope.
I'm wondering what you mean when you say the Focalin "wiped out" your depression. Did it make the symptoms go away purely in response to the medication? Or, did it allow you to be more successful, which had an impact on your self-esteem and self-perception?
I'm asking because I'm beginning to wonder if my BF's depression is more of a result of chronic low self-esteem from ADHD than true depression.....or perhaps if the depression is related to the neurotransmitters involved in stimulants rather than serotonin....I have a lot of theories bouncing around in my head, so if you could share more about your experience, I would greatly appreciate itl.
Hi Smokey, I don't mind.
Submitted by hamilte3 on
Hi Smokey, I don't mind.
I have theories too, but I can't say 100 percent. I actually think chemically it fixed the n-transmitter issues and may have helped the anti-depressant work better (viibryd) which is a very high-powered anti-depressant which I also found that I definitely need. But what I felt most of all, I was able to confidently express myself to others. You may have already read about how it can have an impact on your confidence and relationships if your mind is racing and you can't keep on topic. So that was what I most of all felt an impact. I could think at the right level in order to not just sit and act like I was listening, when I really was doing my best but fending off many thoughts I wanted to express, but didn't have the confidence enough to contribute. My wife thought my personality changed completely. I'm a bit extravert, but in actuality, I had tons of thoughts that I needed to speak and never could. I've always said one of my main sadness was loneliness, and this really knocked a lot of that out of me. Also, I was afraid of loosing my job which requires clear thinking. After years of torture in trying to think, trying to stay on task, trying to comprehend directions and even have conversations where I or the other didn't have some kind of bewilderment as to where the other was coming from, I finally could do it. The focalin gave me some energy to beat dysthimia, and as it wore off before the next dose, I felt tired and back to the way I was again. But after the right dose got closer, it was a lot more steady. I went through a time where I felt very sleepy between doses and even a little irritable. I really think a combination of the focalin and viibryd is needed for me. I also had my thyroid checked, testostorone, Vitamin D and other vitamins. I also take a large does of fish oil at every meal along with 250 mg of magnesium since it helps the anxiety. Vitamin D also, which can deplete magnesium over time (or so I've read) so I found the magnesium necessary. Now I'm adding weightlifting and aerobic type of exercise. With a mult-prong approach I can really have a great day. The focalin is what had the most dramatic impact. But I also get noticeable energy from the fish oil when taken during each meal. I take at least 10k mg's of fish oil a day. I know this sounds like a lot, but after I had such a huge improvement, I had so much hope to lick something that bothered me most of my life and made me a new man, I'm driven to get it all right. I even noticed tonight that my energy may have been cut back by a meal which had a lot of MSG's in it. I'm going to watch my diet more carefully. Besides, who wants to eat stuff that kills brain cells or make you feel bad anyhow.
So there are my thoughts and a lot more. Hope it helps!
ADD Diagonosed 1 year
Submitted by caring.angel2012 on
I'm not an addict but have never forgotten to take my meds....without, I can't get organized enough to get moving and out the door let alone complete tasks at work. I did finally quit my job though, kind of bullied to quit. Better off though. It was too much pressure of feeling not good enough and always on pins and needles. Actually now that I am not working, we have more money because I never leave work flustered and go shopping lol!
It essentially is speed but
Submitted by Loglyn on
It essentially is speed but in a medically controlled environment. It's hard to abuse those drugs because your refills are monitored very carefully. My son is on this one. The speed like effects of the drug are therapeutic in people with ADHD whereas non affected people will be racing. It's to stimulate areas of your brain that are not naturally being stimulated. It's all neuroscience and medically backed up information for her to find. I would personally make the doctor who told her that explain it.