I'm not new to knowing I have ADD, but going through the medications to help me is some what new. I'm very sensitive to higher doses, so keeping the meds low helps, but I have had a lot of trouble with various meds (anger issues, paranoid, stomach trouble and more). I tried the patches and they have not had the boost I need and the side effects are not good. Now that I'm out of meds, new doc appointment set up, I realize how much worse I am since I was first told I have ADD & tried meds. I'm about 60 pages into the ADHD Effect on Marriage. I cry a lot when I read it, I get mad and I just want to retreat. I fear spending to much time with my partner for fear it will turn to criticism, back to my ADD issues or worse. I see how my relationship has been and I can relate to both sides. My husband and I had a big fight recently about money and I cried for days after and realized how much the book describes what I have been doing. My quality of life has really gone from happy to weekly tears. With out meds, I feel now I'm so lost and a bit overwhelmed with life. My relationship has gone from great to he is trying to decide if he wants to leave (something he has said for a few years). I hope the book, tips, forums, etc. help. I don't like who we have become and where we are. I don't want to be unhappy anymore. I don't want to hate myself, feel like a failure and want to curl up in a ball. We have kids one young and one teenager. I hate trying to hide that I'm happy and I know my children hate hearing dad yell all the time & see me struggling to keep up. I want the kids to see us both happy, but the environment right now makes my older child want to get away as much as possible. I hope the new meds help.
A Woman with ADD, marriage, kids, life not going well
Submitted by Ivy1 on 11/10/2014.
I can relate Ivy1, however in
Submitted by Best2You on
I can relate Ivy1, however in my relationship in addition to my ADD, my husband has ADHD -- I found out about the condition this year after 15+ years together. He does not accept he has it and does not want to learn about it. I feel the chaos you talk about every day. Sometimes I also cry and wonder if I will be able to keep up with a full-time job, young children, one child with challenging behavior issues, untreated ADHD husband, finances that don't improve, just LIFE in general. When I think of what I would like as a gift, it would be a day in a beautiful hotel room, where there is quiet, I can listen to relaxing music, take a bubble bath, sleep, stare at the ceiling, and just RELAX for hours with no worries in my mind.
All the things you are doing (working on getting the appropriate meds, reading the book, and observing the things you do that create problems) are a GREAT start to get things moving in the right direction. I think the key to surviving the marriage is that BOTH spouses (non-ADHD and ADHD), need to 1) learn about the disorder, 2) understand that things are not done on purpose and keep out resentment, and 3) try to work together to put plans in place to keep the symptoms in check. All easier said than done, I know.
You are not alone, Ivy1. Cry whenever you need to, but keep working on improving things for yourself and your family. Get your husband and kids involved as well. Maybe have a professional tell them what it's like to have the condition to help them understand. Good luck!