Hi all would appreciate some much needed advice.
My wife and I are in our mid to late thirties and have been married for 4 years. Though things have not been perfect we have managed to let things be ok. I recently found out I was ADD big time but only after suffering job losses and failures. My wife had enough of my job problems and financial as a consequence and reached a point of no return. She thinks ADD is an excuse and will not get involved with it in any way, for her it does not justify my problems.
So I suferred real bad because of my ADD since childhood and it was a very pivotal and emotional moment for me to find but my wife resents me wants to leave asap and won't because we have a child. She will not take this ADD seriously even while I try to explain to her, she says I have enough on my plate. I know I suffered those losses because of my sickness but she does not care and just want me to have a stable job.
Things are bad real bad and I don't know what to do. I am seeking treatment and took myself to many doctors and I am in therapy now but the damage is done and I am really confused and helpless.
Appreciate objective beedback,,thanks......
don't feel helpless
Submitted by george on
I know it may be overwhelming, especially if your ADHD remains untreated.
Where to start? In short:
1) Understand how you got where you are today (don't sugar coat it),
2) Take accountability for it (don't try to blame the world and others),
3) Make a plan (yes, this includes treatment, behavioral changes, lifestyle adjustments and real hard work),
4) Implement your plan
5) Reassess frequently and honestly how well 4 is working, and adjust 1, 2 and 3 accordingly.
This is hard for an ADHD person to do. However, this is what you wife expects and needs right now. She probably no longer needs to be told why things are broken - she wants to understand how you are going to fix them, and actually see them get fixed. She wants to see you take responsibility and control of your predicament (she is probably really tired of doing both for you).
See also the following two comments for more detail and color.
After you have had some successes, and demonstrated real understanding of the issues and a real commitment to resolving them, then she may be willing to work with you on the longer journey. I don't think she is looking for perfection, but commitment to solving your problems and some real results.