I posted recently about bed times and got several questions about how to get bedtimes aligned better. I work with couples on this issue with great regularity - those with ADHD often go to bed late, while exhausted non-ADHD partners often go to bed early. Couples miss out on good time to connect when they hit the bedroom at different times. Here are some ideas to help:
Want to read some love letters? I like to be even handed, so I asked the ADHD spouses in my last couples course to tell me what they love about their non-ADHD spouse. Here is what some said:
One of the things I love about my own spouse is his empathy, generosity and warmth. Is this related to his ADHD? I’m not sure, though I do observe that if they don’t have specific anger issues, many of ADHD spouses I work with have very generous spirits. Sometimes they act on that generosity in a way that warms others…sometimes they don’t…which makes them pretty much like the non-ADHD around us. Regardless, generosity of spirit, if you spouse possesses it, is something to celebrate. Here is “what I love about my ADHD spouse” part 2:
Married to Distraction: Restoring Intimacy and Strengthening Your Marriage in an Age of Distraction, by Ned and Sue Hallowell, with Melissa Orlov, is being released on March 16th. It's available for pre-order right now, and one of Dr.
I spend a lot of time helping non-ADD spouses understand how to interpret their ADD husband’s actions (or, more frequently, inactions – a word I use without judgment.) I think it’s time to write a piece for the ADD male about what non-ADD women want.
One of the most common problems in couples in general and in couples where there is ADD in particular is the inability to make changes. Dr. Hallowell discusses why getting help might bring about the changes you and your partner need.
