ADHD and Marriage Blog

Marriage and Relationship Help for Couples Affected by ADHD

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 09/22/2009.

After years of writing about how ADHD affects relationships I am finally offering counsel for couples who want to apply my expertise to their marriage or relationship.  Your situation can feel overwhelming and you are seeking help, but many of you say it’s hard to find someone who truly understands the complex dynamics of the ADHD-affected relationship.

For ADD Spouses - Research on What Your Partners Find Frustrating

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 09/21/2009.

Our research about how ADHD affects marriage also illuminates the specific ways in which non-ADD spouses are frustrated in their relationships.  The responders in this section are, once again, non-ADD spouses who have officially diagnosed ADD partners.  The themes these people write about are incredibly common.  If you are an ADD spouse and you hear your non-ADD spouse comment on these traits you should assume that they are being truthful – these REALLY ARE problems in your relationship – not a figment of your spouse’s imagination.  The question asked here?  What do you find most frustratin

What I Like About You (My ADD Spouse)

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 09/03/2009.

Over the last couple of years 416 people in marriages affected by ADHD have answered our survey about their experiences and feelings.  One of the questions we asked was “What gives you the greatest pleasure in your relationship?”  I share these responses because too often worn-out posters suggest that there are no positives to be found in ADHD-affected relationships.  Next week, I’ll share pleasures from the perspective of the ADD spouses married to non-ADD spouses.

Rekindling Love and Affection, or “Losing the Heart of Stone”

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 08/28/2009.

There is a very interesting conversation going on around my “Learning to Like Yourself Again” post of 7/30/09.  A number of readers relate their stories about the relief they have felt as they have started to “become themselves” again and let go of some of their struggle.  The question for some, though, is “how do I rekindle the warmth/affection in my own heart for my spouse?”

Advice for ADHD Man - Set a New Course

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 08/07/2009.

While my husband reads most of the posts on this site as the administrator, he rarely weighs in.  But yesterday he posted some heartfelt – and very wise - advice to a man with ADD whose wife is leaving him because she can’t take it anymore.  George’s perspective as a previously badly behaving man with ADD who has successfully changed his life is worth sharing.  Here’s what he says:

Why Do You Do That? ADHD Marriage Comments by Ari Tuckman

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 08/05/2009.

Ari Tuckman, author of the recently released "More Attention, Less Deficit:  Success Strategies for Adults with ADHD" has generously written a blog post for this site about some of his take on ADHD and marriage.  I include the post below:

Learning to Like Yourself Again – Non-ADD Spouse Version

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 07/30/2009.

I know what it’s like to be a non-ADD spouse and discover that you no longer like yourself.  Many here have the same problem – they have struggled so long, and are so exhausted, that they can no longer find the core of who they are. I would like to share with you my own story of how I moved from disliking myself back to “being me” as well as provide some ideas for change that may help you.

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