ADHD and Marriage Blog

Important to Read This - Clinging to Normal Mom

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 02/10/2010.

There is a standard "joke" that "on the internet they'll never know you're a dog".  As it turns out, we have our very own "dog" on this site.  For those of you who have been concerned about a poster named "Clinging to Life" and the histrionic responses of "Normal Mom" I would like to share that sad news that they are the SAME PERSON (also the same person as "Wild Child").  We know this from the log-in/out records for the site.  Incontrovertibly, these "three" people are one person, using the same computer.  Within minutes of logging out as one identity the user would log back in, from the same computer, under a different user name.  Unbelievable!

The Importance of Validation and Seeing Through Each Other's Eyes

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 02/09/2010.

Both ADHD and non-ADHD spouses have a tendency to feel as if their own vision of the world is the way that the world really "is" - this feeling is human nature.  We have many years on earth, we've learned certain things about how the world works and who we (and others) are in relation to what's around us.  So it can be a revelation when we have the courage to step outside of our own view and try to see the world through our partner's eyes.  Doing this can be very healing for a couple because in so doing you validate your partner.

Non-ADHD Experience

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 02/07/2010.

I'm editing the section of my book that has to do with developing empathy for your spouse.  I found many descriptions on this site about what it feels like to be the ADHD spouse, but have had less luck finding good quotes about the feelings that come with being the non-ADHD spouse.  There's lots of "this is what my life is like" and comments about how people do/don't get along with their spouses, but less about their dreams/feelings etc.  If you would like to write a paragraph or two about that below I would love to read it, as would the other readers at the site, I expect.  Thanks.

Improving Communications through Formal Meetings

Submitted by arwen on 01/10/2010.

As I've mentioned in a number of my posts, my ADD spouse and I separated several years ago because I just couldn't take dealing with his ADD issues any more.  Even though he had been on medication and in counseling for 10 years, there were still many problems, especially in the area of communication.  As our marriage disintegrated, the communications got worse.  So when we decided we wanted to try to salvage our marriage, my husband's counselor (who also knew me from some joint counseling sessions we had done) suggested that we should try a different approach to communication.  Instead of d

ADHD & Marriage: When Doing "Well Enough" Can Help

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 01/03/2010.

What happens when an ADHD partner takes responsibility for ADHD issues, but still struggles to make things go smoothly?  Here's a good example of the process that couples go through to find a balance that can work for them.

One Reason ADHD Adults Don't See a "Need" to Change

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 12/29/2009.

I was reviewing some research recently for the book I'm finishing up and came across an interesting bit of info that provides insight into why so many with ADHD perceive that "nothing is wrong" while their spouses see things differently.

Overcoming Nagging

Submitted by MelissaOrlov on 12/15/2009.

When you're trying repeatedly to get an ADHD spouse to "respond" to your requests it's hard not to get into nagging mode.  But non-ADHD spouses need to avoid chronic nagging patterns if they are to be successful, happy partners.  This is much harder than it sounds. 

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