Recent Comments
- by: adhd32 - What is he doing right now to improve your relationship? I went back and read your posts and it seems to be nothing. You cannot fix this by yourself nor can you cause someone else to change...if only he would... You must accept him as he is. It is difficult to leave and upend your world but expecting him to be someone different is unrealistic. He is showing you who he is, believe him.>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
- by: Swedish coast - J, those are clever and also funny observations! Of course a diagnosis would mean reevaluating the past as well. And your impressions before and after diagnosis would both be true. It's comforting to find you and I can share this. Thank you for answering.>>> on Forum topic - What we lost
- by: J - It may sound funny coming from the "other side"...the nuerodivergent one with ADHD. But I can relate with everything you're saying. Mostly and simply because I've been there before. More than once! And I'm not taking strictly about getting divorced which I have twice. I'm talking about the experience of learning you have ADHD, then it suddenly occurs to you that everything you thought you knew is wrong. Everything you thought you knew about yourself, your family, your friends and a lifetime of memories...>>> on Forum topic - What we lost
- by: Swedish coast - If you want to work on the marriage and think he will want it too, then maybe counseling is the next step instead? Divorce is so painful and after it I have grieved so much for not having been able to save the marriage. I did absolutely all I could. I tried everything - counseling both individually and couples, treatment evaluation for my ex, reading books, having endless conversations with him and with my network... I'm glad now that I did all that. I wanted to save the marriage, is was my top priority...>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
- by: Off the roller ... - Thank you to everyone, it feels so scary and sometimes we have to sit in the scary ans sometimes we have to move. But for me, we haven't been to couselling or ANYTHING. literally. We've done nothing to fill our relationship bank and its about broaching the subject of what to do. Or at least being brave enough to state where I am right now. That's really scary for me.>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
- by: adhd32 - Will It Get Better is correct. Plan ahead. Get your ducks in a row. Find out the laws and what you are entitled to. Know what child custody and visitation you want before the big blow up because negotiating will be impossible once you say it out loud. Preparing and educating yourself is your best move. A good offense is the best defense.>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
- by: Swedish coast - I hold no judgment about being a victim, in a way I really think we are victims when we live with a person who cannot consciously choose their way in life but are led by their neurodivergence. It forces us to make decisions in order to avoid disaster instead of building the life we want. It's a major disfigurement of your life and mine and we can't help it. I agree with Will It Get Better, take precautions. Talk to a lawyer. Brace yourself. Perhaps look for a friend to stay with for a little while if you...>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
- by: Will It Get Better - Before anything else, consult with an attorney to review your options and develop a prospective plan. You have to expect the 'notice' will begin an explosive period. Prepare in advance for that possibility.>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
- by: Off the roller ... - Thank you for writing this. I'm in a dark place at the moment - thr hopelessness part of thr dark space to be exact.and I appreciate your vulnerability and your thoughts. It's so so tough, isn't it??>>> on Forum topic - Today's thoughts
- by: Off the roller ... - This is so painful it hurts Swedish. I'm exhasted and just sick and tired of being sick and tired...because of him. But im not a victim and I know that. But this is really really hard.>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
- by: Swedish coast - There's no good time for telling quits I think. There's always a holiday or a celebration that needs to be the first after such a decision. Which means whenever you decide, it's time. My doctor recommended divorce, which was why I decided to take the plunge. It was good to have a professional contact, if only briefly, at that time. I was advised to not hide the news from children once divorce was decided, but let them know at once. How to go about a thing like this will be best decided by yourself. My...>>> on Forum topic - When enough is enough
- by: Off the roller ... - So not sure what country you are in (as I am not in America) but I wanted to share what has helped me as we have started thid journey: Keeping in mind we don't have a teenager. There is a main government ADHD website here that does online parent support groups. I find them so helpful. I've also joined some communities (online) for depression and loving and living with someone with depression. They have covered when ur kids have depression too and adhd. They've been a godsend. I have found some...>>> on Forum topic - Support group for parents?
- by: Swedish coast - ADD (severe, with anxiety and depression) in my partner has made me hyper vigilant, afraid of friends I used to love, anxious about social gatherings, anxious that my children will receive too little of just about everything good I want for them, anxious that nobody likes me anymore. It's extinguished my former career, damaged relations to my family of origin, severed contact with a wider social network, and most of his family. I've been anxious about every weekend, every celebration. I had a brief period...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD Anxiety families
- by: AG - I wanted to chime in! I've heard that same episode and yes! It's very interesting his take on it. Generations and culture- we live what we know. I think he's 90 years old or something? I wanted to say I value my health, like #1- my most important thing in life. Physical and mental. (Not so much spiritual or other) I also believe they are very tied together. I have definitely suffered physical ailments from mental anguish/ stress. (Hip stress fracture, shoulder pain, knots and pain in my upper...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD and inflammation
- by: Swedish coast - Listened to the podcast you recommended just now. It's certainly food for thought. Finding out how to live now is quite a challenge. How does one manage a high-stress work environment, irregular hours, intense child weeks and empty childless weeks, even when there are no complications like grief, self-doubt, bad timing, illness, and the rest? Having worked a week but still not feeling well after 5 weeks of infection, I question if I can go on like this or need major life changes. On the other hand, even...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD and inflammation
- by: Off the roller ... - Hey Swedish, I fully believe the same as you. Here's the thing, I recently listened to the Mel Robbin's podcast with Gabor Mate - HIGHLY RECOMMEND YOU LISTEN TODAY EVEN - it's titled: Dr. Gabor Maté: The Shocking Link Between ADHD, Addiction, Autoimmune Diseases, & Trauma - you can watch on YT or listen on podcast. It will BLOW YOU AWAY and validate what you are thinking. Now, perhaps I am making a direct correlation but with my DX spouse, who has a massive history of immune deficiencies, you have to...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD and inflammation
- by: J - Moving to a different state with no friends and unfamiliar territory and things to do makes it difficult to be separate except during work hours. I'm activity trying to remedy that as well. Going back to my old standard retreat and sanctuary.... skiing and the mountains. It's never failed before. She doesn't ski so I'll be going solo which is fine with me.>>> on Forum topic - Understanding how OCD, Anxiety RSD and Emotional Lability work
- by: Swedish coast - To me, a person I feel strongly attracted to still needs to give me a chance to long for them, not perpetually chase after me which I dislike. So I think you're right.>>> on Forum topic - Understanding how OCD, Anxiety RSD and Emotional Lability work
- by: J - I believe this is exactly right. And I don't have to go any further than myself to understand this. I don't care how beautiful or physically appealing a woman is, if they've got something about them ( bad attitude ) or what ever else about their behavior or personality that makes them unattractive to me, I wouldn't want to have sex with them even if it was offered. Attraction has a lot more to do than just physical appearance or being nice. This is a big part of why I'm listening to her when she uses the...>>> on Forum topic - Understanding how OCD, Anxiety RSD and Emotional Lability work
- by: Swedish coast - I imagine a victim of sexual abuse might need to feel safer than most to want to participate in any sexual activity. But also, let's be honest. To approach somebody sexually is not about what you feel, but what feeling you can arouse in the other person. They must like your advances, or those advances will always be threatening, disgusting or, at best, annoying. I've left somebody long ago because they didn't get this. They were as sweet as can be, but didn't know how to tickle somebody else's desire,...>>> on Forum topic - Understanding how OCD, Anxiety RSD and Emotional Lability work