Recent Comments
- by: J - "All human suffering comes from non acceptance of what is" The idea of space is key for me because of my ADHD brain. It's constantly full, all the time, with racing thoughts that will not stop. I cannot control my thoughts, but I can transcend them to a different realm or dimension. This is what Eckart Tolle teaches. This has been my path to escape my own thoughts and suffering....only to say: He speaks my language. I emplore you to give this video a listen, as he explains this concept better than I...>>> on Forum topic - burnout or need a timeout?
- by: Swedish coast - Off the Roller, I suffer with you. I came there too, to the place where there's no trust, where he is ridiculous, and you feel he is destroying your life day by day. I think you and he need to move apart temporarily to have any chance of saving this marriage. You need out of the daily friction. I moved away from my ex for four months. It took another six months together until I found myself at the non-negotiable end. Separation gives you time to calm down and live by yourself. It gives skills that are...>>> on Forum topic - burnout or need a timeout?
- by: sickandtired - I feel so much empathy for you. I felt the same way about my adhd ex. His helplessness and anger was unending, and he ruined our relationship. I started feeling overwhelmed with his constant rages and I started therapy just like you did. The only thing that made me feel better was to get him out of my life. Permanently. I was 60 when I threw him out of my house, and it was the best thing I ever did for my health and happiness. I tried "taking a break" from him a few times before the end, but my soul never...>>> on Forum topic - burnout or need a timeout?
- by: Swedish coast - It must hurt to not want to see your family and have concluded they don't know you and maybe aren't interested in getting to know you. I'm afraid ADHD members of my family may have reached that point too. Just so helpless in front of the ADHD-non incompatibility. I don't seem to reach over to the other side. And I'm so easily frustrated and irritated. Thank you J for your input.>>> on Forum topic - Distraction looking like arrogance
- by: J - to my other comment referring to my mother and her unintentional interfering with the relationships between my sisters and even my father. Some of this is just birth order, years between, the "fixed role" you get assigned that's difficult to get out of and a communication break down between my father and I ( not seeing eye to eye on many things ). This is all family stuff that I assume, all families deal with on some level even in the healthiest of family dynamics. There's no right or wrong in other...>>> on Forum topic - Distraction looking like arrogance
- by: Swedish coast - J, this is beautifully written. It is a thoughtful reflection on pain with an open heart. This same dynamic has played out in my family too and for my part came to closure this summer. Hurts since childhood have been put to rest. It happened because we had a hard conversation where I asked not to be invalidated. Invalidating has been long-standing, and it's because the person in question hasn't had the skills to avoid it. Now I stated it's also easy to forgive. The problem isn't that that person has...>>> on Forum topic - Distraction looking like arrogance
- by: J - I've spent so much time trying to narrow down exactly what is wrong at the source. And that answer for me lies in the attachment theory especially the avoident one. I know and understand my own insecure attachment but as you said, without open communication and the ability to speak your mind without repercussions, to have a difference of opinion without a fight, to not be punished for saying how you feel that is different than everyone else or better, to see things from a different point of view and have...>>> on Forum topic - Distraction looking like arrogance
- by: Swedish coast - I was guessing distraction could explain my relatives' inability to make something of our family life. Since they always seem to be caught by surprise - whoops, it's Christmas! But maybe that isn't even it at all. I don't understand them and I doubt I ever will. The dynamic you write about is relatable too. In my opinion the mother, who seems to often get to carry the wider responsibilities for the family, has a key function, but also can't be automatically blamed when the family is dysfunctional. I...>>> on Forum topic - Distraction looking like arrogance
- by: J - Getting into the realm of family dynamics and how this all works I am woefully uneducated. This is where, I can only offer my own experiences and what I've learned from it. Is it as good as it gets? Maybe so. Maybe accepting what is and not trying to change it will relieve your suffering? I'm taking that from Echart Tolle, someone that's helped me gain perspective and adopting many of his views to see me through things. Along this line of thinking, I also wanted to say in relation to your thoughts about "...>>> on Forum topic - Distraction looking like arrogance
- by: Swedish coast - J, it must be very hard to find silence and avoidance to be the safest route. In my experience, it's been the road to disaster.>>> on Forum topic - Distraction looking like arrogance
- by: Swedish coast - You give a heartbreaking description of how an ADHD child is misinterpreted. What I'm struggling with could be fear-driven avoidance in my adult relatives. I'd say it looks more like they don't want to participate in keeping family together. They don't seem to want to follow family traditions I grew up with, or make new ones when I've asked them what they'd like. Even though they say they want to see us, they don't reciprocate socially. It comes across rather like they can't be bothered, or that their...>>> on Forum topic - Distraction looking like arrogance
- by: J - on what you're asking Swedish. I'm not exactly sure what you're seeing but if I'm correct, you're seeing a connection ( specifically ) between distraction and appearing arrogant? I remember times my parents would both get irritated or outright angry with me. What I remember in context, they'd be trying to talk with me and I'd be in my head off in another world. When they finally got my attention, they were already mad. If asked, "why do you do that!!" ...I'd say something like, " I don't know? It's just...>>> on Forum topic - Distraction looking like arrogance
- by: J - In the five years I was living alone like a hermit...that experience taught me a few things. Withdrawing completely from social interaction and living in solitude teaches you things you might not normally learn about yourself. One of these being....the things that are most important. What I learned was: it wasn't sex, or anything else like that I missed most. Not even the loneliness got to me after a while. It was the human connection I missed most of all. That to me, was the one thing I found most...>>> on Forum topic - Suppressed Anger From the Past
- by: J - Thank you for your kind words, its nice to know there's a place to go for support when you need it, and yes, getting rid of past anger is very freeing. It feels good to know how to deal with something that is negatively affecting when you actually knowing what it is? Knowing what, is the first step I think? As far as the sex situation, I'm finding that a little more difficult to deal with. It's much easier to live without sex when you have no one to have sex with if that makes sense? It's much harder when...>>> on Forum topic - Suppressed Anger From the Past
- by: Catterfly - You describe what I also felt for a long time so eloquently. The deciding factor for me to leave (2 months ago now!) was the realization that not only was he likely incapable of change in some key areas, he was also choosing not to in areas that were under his control. Bottom line: it would never get better and I had to choose a better life for myself. Ironically he's done much better since I left. He's finally communicating, putting in effort around the house I'm no longer in, and remembering the...>>> on Forum topic - In the void of the comorbidity
- by: Swedish coast - This triple difficulty is what I've faced too in my ex. It's debilitating. I got the impression he couldn't really change anything. He was aware, well aware, of the crisis in our relationship, how unhappy I was. Yet knowledge made no difference. He spent all his free time in our home. Still he managed to ignore and avoid the very obvious problems. I'm to this day not sure if it was pure incapacity, or partly arrogance. After divorce he pretends he has no psychiatric issues. That is to recreate his self-...>>> on Forum topic - In the void of the comorbidity
- by: BeyondConfused - I think it's great that you were able to have this dream where you were able to release and let go of some of that anger. It sounds like you were able to reflect on the past some and let go of some past hurts. I'm sorry you went through this experience with your ex-wife. Infidelity is painful to go through. It also sounds like you had a good conversation with your SO about things which is always helpful. As for her libido, and the lack of sex, that has got to be frustrating. I am a high drive...>>> on Forum topic - Suppressed Anger From the Past
- by: adhd32 - What is he doing about his condition? If nothing, tell him what you wrote here. Tell him you are considering moving on unless he gets serious about his mental health. You are not his caregiver. His mental health and other issues are his to work on. Sometimes the possibility of an ADDer's support system going away will spark something in them to get help. Sometimes not. Think about what message you are sending to your child when you overfunction and hubby does nothing. Don't rationalize the reasons...>>> on Forum topic - In the void of the comorbidity
- by: J - not being balanced in the first place? I mean, ADHD is a chemical imbalance and an imbalance in other functions going from one extreme to another: emotional disregulation and behaviors, insecure attachments....anything you can name, has to do with imbalance. And speaking about your soon to be ex-partner....not taking meds to help you stay balanced...a correction to that chemical imbalance in the brain. I'm glad to hear your taking measures to get yourself back on track. It sounds like your doing the very...>>> on Forum topic - "That's Just ADHD" vs. Enabling
- by: Recently Diagno... - Thank you x we are working the the adhd relation audiobook and both disucssing parts. Ive stopped checking his phone because, really, its not helping my mental health and I've said to him that if the show was on the other foot, he would absolutely not agree with me texting another person. He has been "better" since we started listening to the book but I'm taking it with a pinch of salt. We shall see what happens but I am now less naive and considering ALL of my options. Thank you for the advice and...>>> on Forum topic - Trust has gone