Recent Comments
- by: Swedish coast - I hope she'll move out soon. I recognize this entitlement you describe. It's a part of being so enclosed in one's own reality, other people's support and resources are taken for granted. My ex did this too. I'm now quitting one task after the other that I've done habitually to relieve him, since he states he can take care of the children and avoids all mention of his illness or the fact that he still relies heavily on me for parenting. His initiative is non-existent. He leaves all ideas and planning for...>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
- by: J - The thing about labeling is it starts moving down the road towards depersonalization which is a dangerous path to follow. It generalizes people into catagories which can fall into the dehumanizing trap. It's what the Nazis did with the Jews. Once you go that far, you can do or treat anyone anyway you like and justify it because they're not even human. Just an object to with as you like. It's a slippery slope for sure. It is helpful however, to know the person you're with especially if your aim is to help...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD or Something Else
- by: c ur self - I'm still in the middle of it all....She want move out...She comes home from her house at dark and goes in her room (guest room)....I finally asked her if she was making any progress, she said yes, she is painting, floor work etc...I pointed out some problems she should get repaired...She got a quote for 1900 to cut her over grown back yard, and I just did that for her...I told her I would pay to have a tree taken down it's dangerous and leans toward the house 2800....But she wants more, she wants me to...>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
- by: c ur self - I'm really worn out on labels for people....Although I do understand the working of the mind causes people to think and act differently...So it boils down to justification....What is a person going to do or say w/ no convictions to feel or care what the effects of those words or actions do to others.... As for as the cleaning piece, I have heard about this seemingly over the top desire for perfection, although it's not really part of my or my wife's make up on a regular basis...I'm more of a pickup behind...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD or Something Else
- by: Swedish coast - I think so too. It's too late. If a person with ADHD has been unaware of it during all formative years, they have probably first used all their youthful strength to compensate for ADHD. Then they've started to lean heavily on their spouse, or some other support system, and become increasingly dysfunctional partners, as well as anguished, depressed, and burnt out. Going from there to co-creating a happy fulfilling marriage for both parties? I haven't heard of it yet.>>> on Forum topic - Vent: non-ADHDer exhausted being the valet for ADHD anxieties/needs
- by: J - When it comes to sex, and our inate drives installed by our creator, like all animals, for the further of our species: Men and women ( male and female ) have installed in them, differences, for that reason only. This creates a drive that feel like hunger and without it, it feels like you might die from hunger. In reality, no one dies from not having sex. The difference between humans and animals is that we have a cerebral cortex, we can make choices and intervene our own instinctual drives. That's how...>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
- by: J - I value your input, especially because it makes me think and helps me process things better...and you've helped me do just that and I appreciate everything you've said. It really helps. In fact, from this post alone, I think I've finally gotten down to what I believe has been so difficult. And sex, still has role, but it's not exactly my issue. I thought about making a post entitled " silence is deafening "...but I might as well explain it here. This came about when my SO and I were discussing the no sex...>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
- by: Dagmar - you think you're on top of things and all hell breaks loose.>>> on Forum topic - Everything is wrong
- by: Dagmar - This post is just what has happened from Sunday to today. It is just everything. The transmission blew on my car a few weeks ago. I called him to get me. I waited an hour for him. When he got there, he pulled up behind my car, partially blocking a driveway, and then got in my car to see if he could get it moving. He could! So he drove away. With my keys in the ignition, the keys to his car in his pocket and I was stuck in his car (partially blocking a driveway) with his phone. I just had to...>>> on Forum topic - Everything is wrong
- by: Swedish coast - The description you give would be almost humorous if it weren't for the pain shining through. It seems so chaotic. It would be over the top stressful for anyone. Im so sorry.>>> on Forum topic - Everything is wrong
- by: Swedish coast - Dear J, In my post I was mainly referring to sexual needs which I imagine are sort of core-ish to us. Or maybe that's a misconception of mine. I thought about people I've known intimately for many decades, and it's striking how alike their old selves they are. Having ADHD, as little as I understand about it, can mean having to work ten times as hard as other people and still feeling others crave change. I'm aware this is unfair. By my post I was trying to defend you a bit, from this constant demand for...>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
- by: J - You made a very concise and insightful opinion in this brief comment that has caused me to reflect, so I'm coming back here to respond. This could be a lengthy reply which I don't have time for but, I wanted to say a couple things at least for the time being. While, I agree with you in part, about the core of a persons inherent God given elements being unchangeable on that level, I disagree that a person cannot change to a large degree. I know this, because I've discovered it to be true. Dr Russel...>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
- by: Catterfly - Hi there, You've described so many of our relationships. I left mine two months ago, after 17 years of marriage and 20 years together. I'm glad you're starting to ask these types of questions much earlier. I spent years trying to fix things myself, but finally came to the conclusion that there's a hard line: will he or won't he engage to work on himself and take responsibility for his ADHD? Like you, I gave my spouse all the tools and support I could find, including Melissa's course. He wouldn't...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
- by: cvb21xdrt - Thank you for your well-meaning response. I knew that posting a paragraph would not adequately explain the past 11 years, and I'm okay with that. I came to this forum to vent and find support (e.g., normalize my experience). I wish you the best in your journey.>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
- by: cvb21xdrt - Thank you for sharing your experience and normalizing mine. This has been such a lonely journey, and I haven't talked to family or friends because I don't want to isolate him from our support network. I suppose that is why I came to this forum...to vent and share. Thank you!!>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
- by: Swedish coast - I appreciate your honesty always. Thank you for sharing too.>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
- by: Swedish coast - Catterfly, I so admire your optimism and energy going through these hard times. I'm sure you're doing this more gracefully than I could ever dream of. I also sense your children will be forever strengthened by the courage you've shown. I hope you've enjoyed the holiday!>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
- by: Swedish coast - I'm so sorry. This sounds hard. You describe how the relationship makes you unhappy and he doesn't try to change this. I understand completely that you consider leaving. To me it doesn't seem to matter which diagnoses are involved, or why he's not making the effort (disability, lack of priorities, inattentiveness, depression, inertia?) You can't have a better relationship if he doesn't optimize his treatment, choose you over the computer and try to create a good life for the two of you. I've had much...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
- by: J - Hi cvb21xdrt, As I read through this post, I have a handful of questions to ask. Since this is a post in the "Support for the ADHD Partner" and even though I have ADHD, so does my partner. I guess that qualifies my as an ADHD partner too? If you don't mind? If I hear you correctly, you've listed a number of issues ( or symptoms ) that sound like deal breakers, as you've expressed you are close to divorce if you see no improvement from your spouse? Since I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to talk about...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
- by: Swedish coast - Off the roller, I imagine you are right now pondering your options and it's so hard. Leaving is descending into chaos. Yet, if you leave your marriage, I do think you will be ok. You can find your own way of living that allows you to be the composed lovely woman you used to be. It's not ideal to daily feel distrust, anger and bewilderment at an ADHD partner's behavior. I also feel it's a lot to ask of a non partner to erase those feelings in order to keep status quo. Like your perceptions weren't...>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce