Recent Comments

  • by: OneWorthyOne - 1 month 1 week ago
    I hope I'm not doing the reply formatting wrong, I just wanted to say thank you and acknowledge your comments. It's so helpful to hear from others. The social isolation rings true for me as well, as does the putting me in charge of decisions. Even inconsequential ones. And of course, the defensiveness and sacrificing your self-esteem for his. Severe ADHD does bring with it eccentricity, that's a good way of putting it. And my husband's is severe. For me it is very off-putting and confusing, like I'm going...
    >>> on Forum topic - Struggling

  • by: OneWorthyOne - 1 month 1 week ago
    Thank you, Off the roller. Knowing I'm not alone is so helpful right now. It seems like it's the only way for me to get by. I appreciate your words and the fact that you are going through a similar situation. Paralyzed is a good word. It is scary. You are so right about self-care, which feels hard, but I'm trying to prioritize it. Trying NOT to numb the pain and loneliness with wine. Thinking of the basics as non-negotiables is a good idea. I'm trying to step back now too, to give him space to show up and...
    >>> on Forum topic - Struggling

  • by: OneWorthyOne - 1 month 1 week ago
    Thank you, Off the roller. Knowing I'm not alone is so helpful right now. It seems like it's the only way for me to get by. I appreciate your words and the fact that you are going through a similar situation. Paralyzed is a good word. It is scary. You are so right about self-care, which feels hard, but I'm trying to prioritize it. Trying NOT to numb the pain and loneliness with wine. Thinking of the basics as non-negotiables is a good idea. I'm trying to step back now too, to give him space to show up and...
    >>> on Forum topic - Struggling

  • by: sickandtired - 1 month 1 week ago
    Don't lie, don't minimize her feelings, don't blame her for things that are your responsibility, don't make her do all of the work, be an equal partner, not a dependent, don't make promises you can't keep. 
    >>> on Forum topic - A Failing Marriage & ADHD

  • by: J - 1 month 1 week ago
    OCD, anxiety, depression in my personal mix. I wouldn't be surprised if I wasn't a little dyslexic or even sonewhere along the high functioning spectrum as well. The OCD part is the one that has clearly stood out with some more obvious symptoms that I actually talked about with a therapist at one time. That along with the anxiety and depression are obvious to me. The others are speculative as I've never been officially tested ...I wouldn't be surprised though. The biggest issue with all of these things...
    >>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship

  • by: Swedish coast - 1 month 1 week ago
    Dear Off the Roller, I'm following your journey and hoping for the best. It so happens I do have good news about the ADHD child who unlike their father can have an ADHD diagnosis while very young! My child was evaluated about two years ago. I started it immediately after my husband's diagnosis because I'd worried for a long time about behavior that seemed to push people away, and a kind of tiredness and distraction I didn't understand. The turning point was when I understood the mentor in school had no...
    >>> on Forum topic - Effects on tweens when one parent has unmanaged ADHD

  • by: Swedish coast - 1 month 1 week ago
    As Off the Roller said - you are among people who understand what you're saying. I'm sorry you are in this difficult place. I am also the non-ADHD partner of a two decade marriage and divorced my husband a year ago for the same reasons you state.  From my perspective it's still hard to understand my ex husband's inconsistent behavior and what looks like dishonesty. Shoving all decisions on me, having specific needs but not voicing them, and then complaining about my decisions. Not being transparent with...
    >>> on Forum topic - Struggling

  • by: Off the roller ... - 1 month 1 week ago
    I echo what Swedish said.  Also, I am the non-ADHD and am slowly coming to terms with how much destruction my spouse - dx last year with ADHD but does not manage his symptoms or address his cormorbities of anxiety and depression - has caused. I think if you asked my husband how 'we' are, he might say the same thing you have; communication is going well, I am taking accountability...etc. But for me - and please know this is not to scare you but I'm only sharing what MY experience has been - my silence is...
    >>> on Forum topic - A Failing Marriage & ADHD

  • by: Off the roller ... - 1 month 1 week ago
    You definitely aren't alone in this.  I think you'll find that you have a massive community here. I too understand what you're going through  and I was just aobut to put up a post very similar to yours about my kid and how to navigate all this.  I have done a TON of soul searching and personal work for myself, and I'm at the moment when I know I'm unhappy, this is not the marriage for me anymore, but I am paralyized in how to even start to address it. To get to this place, I did the non-ADHD partner...
    >>> on Forum topic - Struggling

  • by: Swedish coast - 1 month 1 week ago
    Consistency and dependability is what she will need from you to know you belong together. All the best of luck.
    >>> on Forum topic - A Failing Marriage & ADHD

  • by: Swedish coast - 1 month 1 week ago
    It's so confusing when someone you love lacks consistency and seems to not prioritize the family in spite of allegedly wanting to. I'm still clueless about my ex husband's illogical behavior after two decades with and one year without him. 
    >>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship

  • by: cheffluke - 1 month 1 week ago
    Thank so much, Swedish Coast. It's really great advice and something I've been trying to pay attention to lately.  We've been communicating pretty well overall these last couple of weeks, granted it's all mostly just essential stuff and kids.  Probably the space away has helped us be able to take a step back and communicate on a more even ground again, and I've made one somewhat impulsive decision during that time and immediately called myself out on it and apologized and just said that I'm still working...
    >>> on Forum topic - A Failing Marriage & ADHD

  • by: Swedish coast - 1 month 1 week ago
    Only piece of advice I've got, I'm afraid: Don't say hurtful things. Keep arguments decent and respectful and avoid fighting ugly. If my marriage problems were boiled down, ugly fighting would remain unsolved on the bottom. That one the marriage couldn't survive.  
    >>> on Forum topic - A Failing Marriage & ADHD

  • by: Andrea George - 1 month 1 week ago
    Thank you for your feedback! I get it.  At times I am torn.  I have gotten books on divorce, signed up for online divorce emails, podcasts, etc. I have been in low places emotionally but seem to bounce back when he acknowledges and participates in the seminar courses and goes to therapy both couples and individual for himself.   I am always hopeful, a caregiver by nature & for my work.  It is exactly the rollercoaster I see many talk about on here.   But then I don't see changes or progress or if I do...
    >>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship

  • by: Andrea George - 1 month 1 week ago
    I see your point with depending on what the focus is maybe it comes from a different place or condition- ADHD, OCD, Autism, anxiety.   Even mentioning laser focus on work.  He does that for sure.   Too much attention on certain things whether good or bad is what he also does.  "Over-focusing" We had a couples therapy session yesterday and she pointed out that beyond the ADHD, she's noticing OCD with him having intrusive thoughts.   It's a challenge with just ADHD, let alone now OCD in the picture as well...
    >>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship

  • by: Swedish coast - 1 month 1 week ago
    I can't help feeling that if my family members want to socialize with my ex, or keep some kind of relationship with him, they should do so on their own. Why not get in touch with him at any other time? Why wait until this highly uncomfortable day when I have to be in the same room with him? It's reasonable to show me as a family member loyalty and it's not even necessary to take sides in the conflict with the ex. Just don't act towards him in front of me as if things are fine and he never deceived or...
    >>> on Forum topic - Humiliation

  • by: J - 1 month 1 week ago
     "to observe how men of prudence, discretion and intelligence manage their own affairs." I remembered this from college law class. It applies to areas of law where things aren't clear or there's no definitive law written to guide you to a conclusion. This is an ethical dilemma, but some line needed to be drawn in my case because it was really having a negative effect on me and making me angry, at the same time, no one has done anything wrong. Yet. It literally is a judgement call....and I made my decision...
    >>> on Forum topic - A Difficult Situation

  • by: Swedish coast - 1 month 1 week ago
    It makes total sense to me to not welcome into your house someone who is obviously sexually interested in your partner. Even if she doesn't see it.  That kind of dynamic led to the dissolution of an entire circle of friends in my past. It happens, even though nobody has had intentions to act on their desire, or the object of desire doesn't see the desire. With dating apps, things are much less innocent too. The app packages the situation and reveals the intention, doesn't it? If he were a coworker of...
    >>> on Forum topic - A Difficult Situation

  • by: Swedish coast - 1 month 1 week ago
    It's sad that he seems so unaware of how his focus off you undermines your relationship. The lacking awareness is relatable to me, even though my marriage had other issues than hyper focus. Please know there is no obligation to endure this if he doesn't realize the impact of his symptoms on you. Good intentions on his part will only go so far if he can't modify behavior. I hope for the very best for you. 
    >>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship

  • by: J - 1 month 1 week ago
    I actually had to look it up to make sure I understand the differences.  From the description I just read, it's sounds very much like what you're experiencing. I was looking at it from an ADHD perspective trying to answer your question. What I see my SO doing or even me for that matter is exactly the same as hyperfixation as it was described so maybe that is it? It also said that neurotypical people also can do this including people with OCD and other disorders.  For me, I was mostly referring chasing...
    >>> on Forum topic - When Hyperfocus Hijacks a Relationship

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