Recent forum posts (all topics)

  • side effects of Ritalin.. by: Newly Diagnosed... 15 years 5 months ago

    hello:

    I have just been diagnosed with ADD i think i have had it all my life! i scored a 92 on one of the forms!!! So i have started ritalin i was taking 20mg once a day and went back to the doctor last week and was upped to an after noon dose of 10 mg to get me through the mid afternoon and evening with my three kids!!! but the horrible taste in my mouth i have is creating issues with drinking and eating!!!  and of course it is there all the time now because i have upped my dose.. what i want to know is do the drugs that are more expensive and last longer do they cause such a horrible taste in your mouth too.. keep in mind i live in canada and i don't have a drug plan so ritalin for now is cheap.. and when it works it works well just a horrible taste in my mouth!!

    thanks for the advice

    sarah

  • New here by: Echo 15 years 5 months ago

    Hi there!  I'm new to this forum and just thought I'd post an introduction.  I have been with my husband for 16 years (married 7). We have 2 beautiful children - a 2 year old and we just welcomed our daughter into the world about 3 weeks ago.  I don't really know where to begin to tell you about our story.  We met in university and we've been inseparable ever since.  We've struggled through university, struggled over jobs (he's lost 2 and is now self employed).  We are negotiating the tricky landscape of daily household chores, maintaining consistency in our parenting styles, managing finances, and trying to lead fulfilling lives.

    I'd like to take you back 4 years ago when we read Driven to Distraction together and realized that some of the stories were echos of our own experiences.  In particular, some of the writings of the non-add spouses hit home with me.  Their frustration, sadness, as well as their joy was comparable to my experience with my husband.  It still took him another 6 months to make an appointment with a specialist to be diagnosed.  After we had our "a-ha" moment I felt depressed for a little while because I realized that ADD is something we will always struggle with and that it was not something that we could "fix". 

    Since then, we've been through various medications and their inevitable effects on his mood.  The biggest change that I've made in myself is how much responsibility I take on.  While we were living with un-medicated ADD, I took on virtually all responsibility in our relationship.  I managed the household and finances.  I was his constant cheerleader whenever he had a bad day at work and came home saying that "he just wished he could do better".  I remember thinking to myself "why can't he just pay the bills?" and "for God's sake, just do it!!"  I felt like his mother.  After the diagnosis, I realized that I couldn't be responsible for him in this way and that I could only control my own behavior.  We discuss his problems, concerns and issues, but I think we approach it differently now.  I don't try to fix the issue myself, but we talk about ways he can try to resolve the issue and lay out a few courses of action he can try. I still bear a lot of responsibility, but in the constantly shifting world of ADD we are moving towards a more balanced relationship.  

    I found this website after surfing a few online forums.  It's nice to have a site that provides some focus to marriage and relationships.  What impressed me most, was that there are threads devoted to hope and joy.  I'm here to gain insight, because although I have found some silver linings in those dark clouds, I still struggle.  I'm looking forward to sharing some of my experiences as well as getting to know others here.

     

  • Chances of a child being ADHD if one parent is by: ladyflower10 15 years 5 months ago

    I have read that ADHD is genetic and often runs in families. Even though my mother has passed on I am convinced that she had ADHD and that at least 1 of my sisters also is ADHD. (My mom was never diagnosed and my sister can't afford to be diagnosed.) Anyway, I wasn't diagnosed until 30 years old because I really never knew anything about ADHD. I could never explain my problems until I read an article in a magazine and it all clicked.

    Anyway, I'm wondering if anyone knows the chances of a child being ADHD if one parent is. I do have a 3 year old and wiil have another in a couple years. As a child I was more the unfocused dreamer type, not hyperactive. I did manage to cope all right throughout my life. The last 5 years had been a battle and my symptoms got worse as I added more stress to my life (graduating college, starting a new career, getting married, buying a new home, starting a family...) I am on medication now and my husband says he has noticed a big difference and can tell when I've forgotten to take my meds.

    But, I worry about my son. Are there signs I should watch out for? Is there an age when the symptoms generally begin to emerge? Knowing what I have had to go through in my life I would like to catch this early to make his life easier. Although I really do hope it's not an issue for him.

  • Bipolar and ADD by: Tweetiebird 15 years 5 months ago

    So I've left my possible ADD and definitely Bipolar boyfriend behind.

    I'm not sure what came first but the symptoms were so close I wonder if there is a distinct different in terms of recovery. It is unlikely that we will get back together even after he's started recovery as he is an alcoholic. The doctor evaluting him asked if he wanted to continue a love relationship with me and he said he didn't know. It's hard to accept after all the support I've given him and the fact that we have been friends for over 20 years.

    I know that I need to let go but I wonder if there is anyone else that has been through this type of ordeal. I'm trying to move on in a positive way but I've been struggling.

     

  • The most persistent "salesman" ever... by: happycamper13 15 years 5 months ago

    I will try to keep this simple. I'm too exhausted to write much. How do I withstand the constant barrage of ideas and brainstorms, and all of the relentless negotiation he pursues with me to try to get me to agree that it, (whatever "it" might be) is a great idea, and i should be on board.

    Eg. (1 of 10's or 100's in a week) Should I just patronize him after 30 minutes of hearing the benefits of an $800 microwave we won't buy in 5 years when we redo our kitchen? I feel like I have to say, "sure honey, sounds fabulous." instead of "not interested" or "maybe we could talk about this later, or when it's more relevant to our immediate plans...we need to get DJ ready for daycare and both of us ready for work right now." The latter, more honest statement, incurs the "teenager as salesman" behavior until we are running late and my irritation feels like my blood boiling. I try so hard to get him to just drop it, then sometimes I lose it say something like "leave me alone!" or worse.

  • Hyper-sexuality with an ADHD Spouse by: Laurie1213 15 years 5 months ago

    I am fairly new to this site.   I have read numerous posts from Non-ADHD spouses commenting on the lack of sex or interest in sex from their ADHD spouse.  I have the opposite situation. My ADHD Husband craves what he calls "over the top sex".  Which to me, means that he's always expecting me to perform.  To me, it means that I'm just a tool for him to get off...like alcohol or a drug.  It means that I can't just be me and express my love for him in a "normal" sexual way.  For him, "over the top sex" means me in lingerie 3-4 times per week, me coming on to him...telling him how great he is, me talking dirty and asking him to do things to me, me demonstrating to him how desired he is. 

     

    This has become a major issue in our marriage.  He feels that the marriage isn't worth it if I can't deliver on this.  It doesn't matter all of the other great things that I bring to the marriage.  For him, this makes or breaks the marriage. 

     

    A little background info.  My husband is 40 yrs old and was just diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year.  He is taking medication and is working with a coach.  We have been married for 6 years, have 2 children (4 and 1).  I am the bread winner.  My husband has been looking for a job for 2 yrs. 

     

    Like many ADHD spouses, mine struggles to help around the house.  I feel like my plate is so full.  I'm worn to the bone.  His asking for "over the top sex" feels like the final insult!  We fight about this all of the time.  I feel as though my husband doesn't see me. I could put any woman in our bed and he wouldn't even notice that i was absent.  I approach him and initiate sex but he feels that it's "boring" because I'm not being "over the top". 

     

    I work all day at a very stressful job.  I stress about making enough money to support us all.  I come home (usually to a very messy house which only adds to my stress) have to cook dinner and clean, because my spouse doesn't cook and can't clean consistenly.  I give everyone my attention...everyone one wants a piece of mom.  So, by the end of the day I am completely beat, bitter and resentful.  How can I offer "over the top" sex when all I want to do is wring his neck! 

     

    I don't know what else to do or how to get through to him.  I am seriously considering divorce.  I would love to hear from anyone that has experience with this.  I'm open for suggestions.

     

  • ADHD spouse needs consequences by: speechie 15 years 5 months ago

    I need advice for how to handle a financial issue that seems to continue in our marriage.  My husband did not have his taxes deducted from his unemployment checks 3 years ago and the IRS is now wanting to collect.  I tried filling out non-obligated spouse forms hoping that I would not have to be responsible for his debt.  I found out that you pretty much have to be divorced to not be held responsible.  My husband does not see paying the IRS as a high priority and has not followed through with the payment arrangement he set up with the IRS.  I also had him sign an agreement with me saying he would make the payments once a month until it was paid off.  It's been several months now and he has only made a few small payments.  I received a notice in the mail in my name saying that it has gone to a collection agency and they will put a lein on our property if we don't pay.  I have a huge problem with this since the lein is in my name and I am the one paying the mortgage.  When I approached him about the letter, he said it doesn't matter if they put a lein on our house because we aren't moving any time soon and they can only collect on the lein if we sell.  So I am going to be forced to pay the balance myself or suffer the consequence of having my credit ruined and having a lein on the property.  It's just not fair that I am the one suffering the consequence for his debt and lack of follow through.  This is not the first time this has occured in our marriage.  The same thing happened five years ago.  He owed a much larger amount and since we had a joint bank account, the IRS was able to go and just take whatever was in our account.  Luckily the account did not have the entire amount available to withdraw.  So, they took what they could and put a lein on our condo.  When we went to sell the condo, we had to have the remaining balance go to the IRS instead of putting that money into our new home.

    I am sooo frustrated and thinking of calling the IRS and telling them to go take it out of his account.  The problem is this won't take care of the entire balance since his unemployment checks are so small.  I could ask him to hand over his next 3 or 4 unemployment checks to take care of the entire balance, but he will come up with some excuse why he can't do it.  I need serious advice.  He needs to be accountable for his own financial debts.  The problem is as long as we are married, the IRS doesn't care whose debt it is.

  • Male Perspective by: adhd_by_marriage 15 years 5 months ago

     


    I'm one of those apparent rarities; a husband with an ADHD wife (perhaps because husbands typically spend less time researching relationships than wives do).

    I have been married for over nine years, to a woman who I'm still deeply in love. Our marriage has had however some serious, and frequent bumps along the way. We have tried traditional counseling with few or no benefits. We appear to end up in stalemates or go around in circles chasing wild geese that in my view have little to do with our personal situation. I was left with the impression that some counselors focus on a particular script that may be successful for most couples, but those not necessarily apply to a different set of circumstances. During our initial interviews with the various counselors my wife discussed being diagnosed with ADHD, family history with the disorder, her experience with medications for ADHD, anxiety, insomnia, etc. Yet, there was never an examination of how the condition affected our relationship or family life - we however quickly descended to the circular arguments so well described in this site, and counseling quickly disintegrated.

    Reading the blogs on this site, tells me that I'm not alone and "losing it", and more importantly provides me with hope that we may be closer to understanding and fixing some of the issues affecting my relationship. 

    I have learned that relationships don't go bad because a single individual, and by no means want to imply that my wife's ADHD is to blame for our troubles. I fully understand that it is our inability to cope with the condition that is destroying us. I must confess I did not know much about the subject and was touched by the information contained here. I was particularly struck by how the non-ADHD spouse behavior is described, and how in many ways it describes me. I would clearly benefit from help/counseling in addressing that behavior. The importance of gaining the knowledge is magnified by the fact that the condition not only affects my wife but also my adult step-son living with us, and my youngest daughter who is now six, two wonderful children facing the challenges you are so familiar with.

     

     

  • You gotta roll with the punches or get knocked out by: julesy80 15 years 5 months ago

    What I am finding to be unfailingly true in my relationship with my ADHD husband is that you have GOT to learn to be adaptable--if nothing else.  I have had a hard time coming to terms with that and I have spent the better part of my marriage so far being uptight and worrying and freaking out about every little thing that didn't go the way I planned.  I have been a constant nervous wreck until recently.  Now I am learning to relax and take things as they come, and with a grain of salt when I can.  I try to have a sense of humor when my husband does or says something crazy instead of blowing up and I try to be understanding and put myself in his shoes (as much as possible) when he has a hard time with "normal" things.  Is it hard?  You bet!  But I have to learn to live day by day and I have found that to be the best way to survive for me.  That conclusion has come after plenty of troubles (his job losses, lies, impulsive spending & a dash of infidelity), tons of tears and heartache and lots of praying.  I had to ask myself if I really wanted to stay with my husband (I thought about leaving plenty of times).  Then it hit me.  I can't control what my husband does, but I can control how I react to things and I know for a fact if things continued the way they were going (on my end), it wouldn't have lasted.  I kind of feel like my theme song right now is that country song "She changed her mind when she couldn't change me".   My husband still has a problem so far with keeping jobs and so many other things, even with medication, but I still feel so much more free after deciding to change my way of thinking.  I don't know if I'll ever have this all figured out or even if my marriage will last forever, but it's lasting today.

  • "Miscommunication" by: Rattiemama 15 years 5 months ago

    I just need to vent for a second . . . I am so tired of hubby referring to every conversation he can't recall or remembers incorrectly as a "miscommunication." It makes me feel like he's saying there was something wrong with the way I communicated something, and most of the time there isn't. We'll have a conversation, make a plan, whatever an be on the same page. We're even in the habit now of having him say an outline of the plan or conversation to help cement it for him. Then later he doesn't remember, or doesn't remember correctly, and first he's snippy, then after I remind him word for word what we said and it triggers a memory for him, he says he's sorry there was a "miscommunication."

     

    I don't mean to look a gift apology in the mouth, but it seems like he's dodging accountability. Doesn't "miscommunication" imply there was something wrong with the way it was communicated, not the way it was recalled? It also places part of the blame on me, when I've been doing everything I can to make sure there isn't any "miscommunication." Everything was communicated just fine. I guess I'm just frustrated.

     

    I've stopped saying anything about it because even if his apology seems insincere in it wording I know he does realize it was his recall, and feels guilty and embarassed about it. I don't want to nit pick or start a fight but there are times when I hear the word "miscommunication" and I just feel like I want to scream. I figured some of you might understand.

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