Many non-ADHD partners want to connect at night with a meaningful "goodnight, honey," a kiss and hug or with some sexual intimacy. Yet disappointment follows when their partner is too distracted or too tired to shine the spotlight of their attention in the non-ADHD partner's direction. (Conversely, I sometimes hear complaints from ADHD partners who say that the demands of their non-ADHD partner to come to bed at a certain time are obnoxious...but that's for a different post.) What to do?
Melissa once asked her husband for his perspective as the ADHD partner on their experience turning their relationship around. At another time, she also asked him if he was glad he went through finding out about his ADHD. Both answers were very enlightening.
Thanksgiving is a great time to reflect on what you are thankful for. This year, as I complete my second book, I am particularly aware of how grateful I am to be working with a community of people impacted by ADHD. There are so many seeking ways to love their partner more fully and working to make their lives better...truly it is a privilege. Thank you!
I don't often refer you elsewhere, but I have just posted a blog entry at Psychology Today entitled 50 Ways NOT to Leave Your ADHD Lover - inspired by seeing Paul Simon this summer, perhaps! It's fun as well as informative - a nice cheat sheet of ideas for all of you. I urge you to read it at this Psychology Today link.
I regularly hear from successful adults with ADHD - particularly men - that though they experience success at work they worry that they still don't feel successful. In fact, they feel as if they have others 'fooled' and that some day they may be discovered as a fraud. A marriage tip reader recently wrote me to ask "what's at the root of this? I often feel this way but can't pinpoint why..." As I've talked with adults in counseling about this issue I believe it has to do with the inconsistency of ADHD.
Here is a link to a good article that was recently released about money management tips when you have ADHD. It provides some solid statistics about the challenges plus a solid list of good ideas to improve things. Go to this link... I would be delighted if people wanted to start a thread about money management with this post.
I recently heard from a couple with several children, one of whom has ADHD. The husband also has ADHD and is struggling to get his symptoms under control. He rarely follows up on what he promises to do, which is driving his wife crazy. In this context, the husband asked the question "Should we tell our kids about my ADHD? My wife is concerned that she is always coming across as the bad guy, rather than me." Hold up there! Let's discuss both the question and the answer!
Do you fight over whether or not you agreed to something in the past? Or perhaps you're a non-ADHD partner frustrated that your ADHD partner doesn't seem to remember your conversations? If so, I would like to suggest a simple solution that will help you avoid these fights.
Adults with ADHD may feel awkward in social situations or have difficulty communicating. I recently got a note from a man with ADHD who said he needed tips on how to better meet interesting women and make close friends. Here are a few suggestions:
