A long time friend just sent me this Pharrell Williams Happy video to cheer me up. Loved it! Why not take a few minutes to bring a smile to your face (and bop around the room a bit)?
I posted recently about bed times and got several questions about how to get bedtimes aligned better. I work with couples on this issue with great regularity - those with ADHD often go to bed late, while exhausted non-ADHD partners often go to bed early. Couples miss out on good time to connect when they hit the bedroom at different times. Here are some ideas to help:
The new year is a time for looking back and looking forward. For my annual end of the year post I thought I would pull out four of my favorite posts from over the years and review why they remain so relevant for couples looking to tame the impact of ADHD in their relationship. As it happens, two posts are written for those with ADHD and two for those married to people with ADHD. Hope they give you some food for thought about adult ADHD and your relationship as you are thinking about the New Year!
Many non-ADHD partners want to connect at night with a meaningful "goodnight, honey," a kiss and hug or with some sexual intimacy. Yet disappointment follows when their partner is too distracted or too tired to shine the spotlight of their attention in the non-ADHD partner's direction. (Conversely, I sometimes hear complaints from ADHD partners who say that the demands of their non-ADHD partner to come to bed at a certain time are obnoxious...but that's for a different post.) What to do?
Melissa once asked her husband for his perspective as the ADHD partner on their experience turning their relationship around. At another time, she also asked him if he was glad he went through finding out about his ADHD. Both answers were very enlightening.
Thanksgiving is a great time to reflect on what you are thankful for. This year, as I complete my second book, I am particularly aware of how grateful I am to be working with a community of people impacted by ADHD. There are so many seeking ways to love their partner more fully and working to make their lives better...truly it is a privilege. Thank you!
I don't often refer you elsewhere, but I have just posted a blog entry at Psychology Today entitled 50 Ways NOT to Leave Your ADHD Lover - inspired by seeing Paul Simon this summer, perhaps! It's fun as well as informative - a nice cheat sheet of ideas for all of you. I urge you to read it at this Psychology Today link.
I regularly hear from successful adults with ADHD - particularly men - that though they experience success at work they worry that they still don't feel successful. In fact, they feel as if they have others 'fooled' and that some day they may be discovered as a fraud. A marriage tip reader recently wrote me to ask "what's at the root of this? I often feel this way but can't pinpoint why..." As I've talked with adults in counseling about this issue I believe it has to do with the inconsistency of ADHD.
