Two people have commented that they are in couples where both spouses have ADHD and that they find this very difficult. I would like to address this a bit here...
Those who wish to get a broader introduction to Steven Stosny's knowledge about anger can go to his website (at the link in this sentence). While the purpose of the website is to promote his courses, he writes well about the effect of anger on health and anger at children, among other things.
It may well be that anger management in marriages where one or both spouses has ADHD is THE critical issue that determines whether or not a couple can be happy together. Anger can develop in both partners, though it often manifests itself differently in the two. This is a topic that is so large that it needs to be addressed in many different ways, but let me start here with an example of a couple I've written about before, whom I'm calling Anne and Tom.
I know no one who loves household chores, but if you have ADHD the chores can move from drudgery to an impossibility. Here's why it's hard for both spouses and what you can do about it:
Being a person who does not have ADHD married to a person who does have ADHD can be wonderful. It can also be intensely frustrating. I am a non-ADHD spouse married to a man who has ADHD. Dr. Hallowell has the opposite - he has ADHD while his wife does not (part of the reason we are teaming up to write a book on this topic - we balance each other out!) If you are a spouse without ADHD, you may well recognize much of what I am about to describe in your own marriage, for without a doubt I have experienced the "classic" ADHD-affected marriage.
So, what does it feel like to be married to a person with ADHD when you do not have it yourself? What are some of the basic patterns?
If one or both spouses in your marriage has ADHD you can be assured that your relationship is affected by it - probably without your even knowing. And no wonder - there isn't much information out there about this topic, and most people would assume that they are just "having relationship troubles".
So, what are the patterns in ADHD marriages? How do you know if your marriage can be improved by learning about these patterns? How can you get back the love and joy you felt when you first were together? Join us as we explore how you can thrive in your ADHD relationship!
