Tara Parker-Pope’s article in the NYTimes today is creating a lot of conversation around ADHD and how it impacts marriage, which is a wonderful thing. But there are a number of people who seem to be responding defensively to the idea and suggesting this is just another way to get people with ADHD drugged up. Far from it – treating ADHD doesn’t necessarily mean medications, though they can help. Also, knowing about ADHD in your relationship doesn’t commit you to doing anything differentl
My new book is about to be released, and it contains a significant section on overcoming “obstacle emotions” that keep you from improving your relationship (anger, fear, denial and hopelessness). I’ve reprinted a very small portion of that section here for those who feel mired in anger. This section is about the “myths” I sometimes hear people fall victim to about the “usefulness” or justification for their anger.
Frustrated non-ADHD spouses will often say to me something such as "It's so obvious that my partner should do X. I don't understand why he/she won't!" While a solution to the problem at hand may seem obvious, it's often really not quite so straightforward and here's why:
Dr. Hallowell and his wife, Sue George Hallowell (who is also a therapist) are offering a workshop for couples looking to become more connected. It will take place on June 12th at the Westin Hotel in Waltham, MA, just outside Boston. While it's not specifically for couples struggling with ADHD, it will nonetheless provide inspiration and ideas to all who attend.
For a non-ADHD partner, it is SO frustrating to watch your spouse struggle without result. You want her to do well. You can see HOW she might improve things. If you were doing them, it would be EASY. Yet nothing changes. How does a non-ADHD partner remain empathetic in this situation, rather than become angry?
We are getting ready to update this site and are looking for your ideas. Tell us what you like about the current site set up and what you would like to see improved. We'll start work on this at the end of April, so please let us know your ideas and comments before April 30. And thanks for you input!
I've been thinking about power balances in relationship recently, and the role that validation plays in maintaining balance between partners. I want to propose that you consider doing an experiment to better understand the ways that you and your spouse validate each other (or don't). If you understand this better it will give you information about how to diminish conflict in your household.
