A quote in the New York Times on November 21 misled some people into believing that Dr. Ned Hallowell thinks that using marijuana to treat ADHD is a good idea. Just the opposite, he thinks it is a very bad idea and has said so for many years. Here is his response to those who had questions about this:
One comment I hear over and over again from non-ADHD spouses is their frustration that "we go through the same problems over and over again. Nothing ever seems to change!" There is a reason for this, as well as a way to interrupt this pattern.
How to help couples understand the destructiveness and intertwined nature of many of their interactions? I was reading a novel the other day about civil war (an apt analogy for many ADHD marriages!) and came across some ideas that I think can help describe why couples get into negative patterns even when neither one of them wants to.
What does it look like when you effectively treat ADHD and your life starts to turn around? Here I've reprinted a recent post that says so much about the hardships of the ADHD experience and what can happen when things start to change. Thank you, ptc909294, for your contribution.
I’m spending quite a bit of time these days thinking about how to get men with ADHD to realize that their ADHD affects those around them more than they think. At least two men I can think of who have ADHD say they wish someone (other than their wives) had “hit them upside the head” with information that would convince them that their ADHD was causing real problems.
The terrific film ADD & Loving It was aired in Canada and briefly available on the web – enough people clamored to see it that it’s been reposted by Global TV at this link. It’s unclear how long it will be available, so I urge you all to go watch it sooner rather than later (it’s 42 minutes long). The program is fast-paced, fun and easy to watch (the host, Patrick McKenna, is a comedian, after all!), but it’s also very informative and well produced
After years of writing about how ADHD affects relationships I am finally offering counsel for couples who want to apply my expertise to their marriage or relationship. Your situation can feel overwhelming and you are seeking help, but many of you say it’s hard to find someone who truly understands the complex dynamics of the ADHD-affected relationship.
Our research about how ADHD affects marriage also illuminates the specific ways in which non-ADD spouses are frustrated in their relationships. The responders in this section are, once again, non-ADD spouses who have officially diagnosed ADD partners. The themes these people write about are incredibly common. If you are an ADD spouse and you hear your non-ADD spouse comment on these traits you should assume that they are being truthful – these REALLY ARE problems in your relationship – not a figment of your spouse’s imagination. The question asked here? What do you find most frustratin
Over the last couple of years 416 people in marriages affected by ADHD have answered our survey about their experiences and feelings. One of the questions we asked was “What gives you the greatest pleasure in your relationship?” I share these responses because too often worn-out posters suggest that there are no positives to be found in ADHD-affected relationships. Next week, I’ll share pleasures from the perspective of the ADD spouses married to non-ADD spouses.
There is a very interesting conversation going on around my “Learning to Like Yourself Again” post of 7/30/09. A number of readers relate their stories about the relief they have felt as they have started to “become themselves” again and let go of some of their struggle. The question for some, though, is “how do I rekindle the warmth/affection in my own heart for my spouse?”
