One of my biggest problems with my husband, who I suspect has ADHD, is that when I express annoyance for something he's done that I think I have good reason to be annoyed by, he just gets angry at me for it rather than apologizing and owning up to it. I guess it's the defensiveness/denial at play, but it makes me question myself so much and I can't decide if I'm being too hard on him or if he's being manipulative. I often wish there was some impartial third party to "arbitrate" our discussions (usually arguments, really) and tell me whether I'm being unreasonable or not, because he makes me feel like I am. Deep down I don't think it's true, but he makes me question myself so much.

For example, last night he asked me to take him to the grocery store after work. I've been driving him to/from his part-time job for the past couple of months due to his license being revoked for a DUI. His job is in another town, so I leave my own job early and wait for him to work his shift before driving us both home. Luckily my job is flexible enough that I can work remotely from a coffee shop while I'm waiting for him, but the whole situation is extremely stressful and I've given up most of my free time in the evenings as a result of it. Anyway, on the drive back into town last night he asked to stop at the grocery store to pick up a few things, because he doesn't get out much without a license. I am understanding of this, but after spending so much time waiting for him while he's at work, most nights all I want to do is go straight home. Knowing this, he assured me that he wouldn't let it turn into an hour-long shopping trip (his exact words). After hanging out in the magazine aisle, and then waiting in the car, I was fairly annoyed when he did indeed spend over an hour in the store, and I expressed this to him when he got in the car. He said he'd lost track of time and that he was "in a daze" in the store, but never apologized or acknowledged that I might have good reason to be frustrated by the situation. He just got mad at me for getting mad at him and it turned into a huge argument that seemed totally unnecessary.      

There are myriad other examples, this is just the most recent. When I try to express my wants/needs/concerns related to anything that remotely indicates dissatisfaction with something he's done, his reactions are so heated that I just end up feeling emotionally beat up instead of listened to, which causes me to lash out at him even more. I'll get so overloaded with pure frustration that I'll go crazy and lose control of myself, which seems to reinforce his view that I'm at fault. Then I'm left feeling confused, resentful, ashamed, and manipulated.

I know this type of thing has probably been covered in other forum posts, but there's no search box that I can find and I can't read through all of them to find the relevant ones. I just wonder if I'm onto something -- is he manipulating me? If so, is there an effective way to deal with it? I appreciate any insights that people have.

Though wood shake roofs aren't one of the more popular roofing materials, they are much more commonplace in mountainous regions. That's because wood shake roofs give homes a very certain look. Homes in the mountains blend in with their surroundings better when the roofs are made of wood. Of course there is an obvious down side to wood shake roofs. Wood is flammable. Wood shake roofs are much more susceptible to wind-driven embers. Typically, wood shake roofs are coated with fire-resistant chemicals. Over time these chemicals wash off and lose their effectiveness. Over time wood shake roofs are also more susceptible to rot and pests. A wood shake roof can serve you well, but only if it is well maintained. And a wood shake roof is among the hardest to keep maintained. Fortunately, there is an alternative for homeowners who wish to keep that natural, rustic look of a wood shake roof without the hassle.

Polymer roofing tiles

Polymer roofing tiles are a type of synthetic shingle. Essentially, they are manufactured to look just like wood shakes but without the drawbacks.

For one, polymer roofing tiles have a class A fire rating. They simply won't catch fire. And unlike wood shake roofs which require periodic retreatment with fire-retardant chemicals, polymer roofing tiles retain their class A fire rating for the entire duration of their lifespan.

Fire isn't the only thing polymer roofing tiles are impervious to. Temperatures can drop very low in the mountains and polymer tiles aren't susceptible to freeze/thaw cycles that can damage other roofs such as wood shake roofs. The polymer tiles don't expand and contract when the temperatures freeze and thaw. Polymer roofs are also impact resistant and maintenance free. They are even resistant to color fade which can lessen the appearance of other roofs over time.

Whether you're replacing an old wood shake roof that has worn out or simply considering having a wood shake roof installed, don't rule out polymer roofing tiles. They can give you the natural look you want for your home without giving you the problems that normally come along with it.

Home improvement news brought to you by bartonroof.com

Source: mountain-news.com/business/article_e3ce9c3e-2945-11e4-a6aa-001a4bcf887a.html

My husband has ADHD, and is a medical professional...and I have PTSD. I love this man with my whole heart, and am sure he feels the same. However, it became impossible to live together...so we are separated. It's been two months...I'm 600 miles away. What complicated things even further, is I have serious medical issues (two strokes within a year, brain lesions...and on and on). I spent almost 30 years going back an forth overseas across four continents. If there was war, famine, genocide, disease...this is where I could be found. During this time, I sustained many injuries at the hand of those seeking to perpetrate these atrocities against their own citizens. This also included being gang-raped. Thank God, HE has taken the sting of this event away, yet, the memory is acutely intact. This I'm grateful for, as it's been a tool for other women to be set free of the same torment that once held me captive.

The idea to separate was mutual, as was the place I am now. I'm with friends of 35 years. Prior to the idea to separate we agreed to seek out a marriage counselor that dealt with these particular issues. However, hubby became very angry at the therapist. He stood up, pointed his finger at him and said "You are going to listen to me!" The therapist asked him three times to...sit down. He refused. Then said, I'm paying for these sessions and you're going to listen to me! I was in tears...and walked out. Hubby left too, slamming the door behind him. I KNOW my hubby...he is not some monster. He's a good man and he loves me and I him.

He recognizes the issues needing to be dealt with. It appears that he's afraid to believe that there could be real and lasting change for him...and I know there can be. PLEASE...any positive ideas, constructive help is more than welcome. We both desire to live together again, but know it can't be right now. He is handling the separation better than I am. We are in communication. One exciting thing is, it's like falling in love all over again due to all the conversations without the screaming and tantrums. This is one thing I had no clue would happen. Given that, I see the separation was most needed.

One thing I almost forgot to add...he forgot is phone was open three times. I heard him talking about me in the most negative terms (I can't even bring myself to repeat what he said) to those at one of the medical meeting at the hospital where he works. He was blaming me for every negative thing in his life. This is not true. When I confronted him about what I heard. He did his usual thing...You just took it the wrong way. However, I heard what I heard and in the context it was said. It was said with venom and sarcasm. However, he really knows this is not true. I felt as if I'd been kicked, since he wouldn't even admit this was so wrong to say. It seems as if he can play the blame game, he has no responsibility. Is this a usual thing that happens???

I'm (and he, too, I'm sure) really hurting....any advice?

Someone explain this to me--my ADHD DH has been working literally 7 days a week from 6am until 10pm.  He has been unemployed since January so these are side jobs, handy man stuff that he is doing.  While I am happy at the money that is coming in and the fact that he is busy and has somewhere to go every day, our two kids miss him terribly.  He himself says how much he misses them.  Side note--he and I are on the verge of divorce, so I don't care when/if he's around, but the kids do.  Today he took a day off.  I took the kids out to meet a friend from out of town for a brief brunch--we left at 10am, were home by 11:30--I told DH when we would be home.  He was not home when we got home, no idea where he went and he is still not home--it's now 2pm.  The kids have asked me several times where he is. I told them I don't know.  One son texted Daddy to see where he was-no answer.  If you hadn't seen your kids in literally weeks and got a day off, wouldn't you want to spend time with them?  Especially when you yourself keep saying how much you miss them?  Forget me--I don't want to spend time with him anyway, but why not make a plan for you and the kids?  I just don't understand.  And I have called his attention to this kind of thing before and he guess what??  Blames me--well, I didn't know what your plans were or some such.  Really I think he just wants to avoid conflict with me at all costs, even at the cost of his relationship with his own kids.  I am very concerned that when we divorce he won't make much effort to see them.  Not that he doesn't care about them, but that it won't occur to him to make plans-out of sight out of mind kind of thing.  It's too bad because they are great boys and they miss their dad.  He isn't tuned in enough to see that.