Forgive any mistakes as this is the first time I have done this. Funny though-in true ADD fashion, I have been browsing this website wanting to post everytime...but i never quite follow through. I have suspected I have ADD for my entire life. Unfortunately, any MD I mentioned it to shot me down and almost made me feel like a drug seeker. Embarrassing. Apparantly because I was an honor student and was able to work full time and obtain my masters degree-there's no way I could have ADD. No one knows how hard I really worked for all that. So the constant trips to therapists/psychiatrists/family MDs where I discuss the plethora of sounds that annoy me (typing, knuckle cracking, crunchy foods, chewing guy, squeaky shoes, high heels...) and the anxiety level they send me to. Also-the fact I loose track mid-sentence, because someone walked past with squeaky shoes or my inability to complete tasks on time. My house is a mess because I have so many ideas of cleaning the house, organizing the cabinet, organizing my closet, taking my daughter to the park, scrapbooking....but i never activate. It just doesn't happen-I can't get it together. I was convinced that I was a loser, a bad mom, horrible wife. I don't cook, don't clean, don't take my daughter fun places. It's an ugly cycle. After repeated depression, anxiety diagnoses and even a bipolar diagnosis, I was spent. I have tried every antidepressant, all made me sleepy, hallucinate. I even went on Lamictal for the bipolar. Although I lost some weight, my symptoms never improved. My family MD finally diagnosed me 6 months ago and sent me for neuropsych testing. My results still are not in. I have been on several different meds. I think I am expecting the miracle cure and that's not gonna happen. I am taking Vyvanse now and it seems to help. Adderall makes me really dark/depressed. It's probably time to go back on an antidepressant as well. I am reading Sari's book about women with ADD and I cry with every chapter...finally someone who gets me. I have found my diagnosis...now how to fix it. I can't seem to find a therapist near me who specializes in this. I want therapy. The problems are all out on the table and now I need help on how to fix them....before my marraige crumbles. My husband is tired of my volatile moods. I am angry at him for expecting me to do everything. Taking my daughter to and from school, working 10 hours a day, and keeping up bills is sending me over the edge. When he asked me to get granola bars the next time I'm at the store--I told him to go get them himself. WHy am I responsible for everything? Why do I feel guilty if I spend all Saturday on the couch and don't get anything done? How do I make him understand that I want to do so many things, but I just can't activate the process. And my job--that's another whole blog and another day. I just come home from work and don't care to talk to my husband. I have pent up resentment and I am tired. I just want to sit. So-my needs-a good therapist in Indiana. Otherwise I am truly considering driving to Michigan to see Sari Solden. How do I get my husband to understand? Are the books or movies? I am reflecting my emotional lability and lack of organization on my 4 year old daughter who acts just like me. She is dramatic, emotional, angry and her attention span is less than 30 seconds. Not Kidding. Is she too young to be tested? And is it my fault? How do I organize my brain when I talk to my doctor to truly explain how I feel? I get there and tend to go blank, or start on one topic and forget all the others? All the wonderful beautiful people on this page who speak so eloquently and most of all, who get this disease. Please help.

My husband of six years was diagnosed a few weeks ago with ADHD. This diagnosis puts a lot of things in a new light, but it doesn't make it any easier. I was diagnosed in January with advanced breast cancer. We have also been seperated since August. This was not a seperation to get away from my husband but to change the living environment because, though I had been deeply depressed for years and then in denial when I suspected that I might have breast cancer. The living conditions were not favorable (too many pets) and I had to leave. My husband didn't know why, he just knew that I left. My leaving the home and the threat of losing his job has made him seek help and get diagnosed. I am happy that he is getting help even though it will be another 3 weeks before he is put on meds. We lived basically as roomates for at least four years of the marriage. Finally two years ago I moved to the sofa. I felt so rejected and unloved and became deeply depressed. I became unable to keep up with the caos of having 7 dogs in the house. I bought pens for them, but my husband couldn't bare for them to be outside. The animals were quite destructive and then when I was trying to come to terms with having cancer, I took the opportunity to move in with my oldest daughter. We have both made a commitment, verbally, to work on our marriage. I did the mothering bit before I knew he had ADHD and now I think I am trying to fix him. He can only manage to see me for maybe 2 to 4 hours per week. He has friends that he has met on the internet (female) that he spends a lot of time talking to. I can't help but feel slighted when I am fighting for my life and my husband seems to ignore me. I need his support emotionally. I understand that it is hard for him, but while I can read that he may have difficulty in being emotionally available, I can't stop my heart from being hurt. I have tried talking to him and trying to get him to understand my feelings by equating them with something similar he may have experienced or what if's. I don't know if this is helping. He is putting forth some effort, but it seems minimal compared to the urgency I feel to get things on a better path. He has agreed to marriage counseling and I am leaving it up to him to initiate that help, since he already has a therapist for his ADHD. I had taken a break from the mothering role when I left, but find myself wanting to slip back in that, if it is the only way to have remotely any closeness to my husband. Someone please tell me what I am doing wrong or right, and give me advice as to what to do?