I am tired of my spouse's accusations and his dreadful remarks.I am COMPLETELY INNOCENT when it comes to infidelity,he does not trust me when we were together.To date we are not presently together, and he came by my house this afternoon thinking I would run in to his arms and forgive him.How can I forgive him when he never even was apologetic for his cruelty and hard disgusting remarks and reap roaches.It's like he is too proud to even be nice.He killed my true feelings for him, and every one around me knows how much I loved him like there was no tomorrow.He came by me today with nothing to say but wants me back.He was not even making a proper effort.There was no hurt in his voice,eyes,no emotions,NOTHING! then what the hell you are doing by me?To proud and don't want to be in the wrong even though he is so wrong for putting a dreadful hurting in our relationship.ADHD, he does not want to accept the fact that he has a disorder,I have it too and I admit it to him all the time.How is it he is not sympathetic to my feelings, and just say sorry! I still would not take him back because he interfered with me,emotionally,physically,mentally,and tear my heart to bits and threads.But" SORRY" would be a start with a lot of more sorry's and may be roses and may be some chocolates,if he really wanted me back bad, but time would tell,and I think he would be wasting his time cause I am not going back...I won't spin him round though I would let him know for sure how I feel..........from:lovehurtsalotwithanger........
Recent forum posts (all topics)
- HE WANTS ME BACK WITH NOTHING TO SAY: NOT EVEN SORRY? by: lovehurtsalotwi... 12 years 8 months ago
- TODAY THE SUN WAS BRIGHTER THE AIR WAS FRESHER. by: lovehurtsalotwi... 12 years 8 months ago
Today I felt as though I was In a different planet,I got up and went to the grocery, and did all my shopping,came home and cooked my family,kids a great meal.I feel relieved from prison,my freedom to live came back,my ADHD husband is no longer with me to tarp me within his means and cage me like a bird.I am happy,happy to be alone again and single enjoying life in a stress free environment.My 1 year 2 months of being with a severe ADHD spouse has ended,THANK GOD.I believe that any one that is in a suffering relationship like the one I was in will be set free one day,the choice belongs to the sufferer.I was trapped in a high sexual,manipulative,controlling,unrealistic,marriage with him,and I made the choice to set my self free from the Abuse.It is the most relieving feeling any one can have, and it is the right thing to do.I can now finally breath again...There was a lot of damaged done to me but I would regain back my confidence and humor.I am happy again..from:lovehurtsalotwithanger
- VERBAL ABUSE by: Clarity 12 years 8 months ago
Hopefully, I'm not repeating any old information here, I haven't dropped by in a while but after learning about verbal abuse without any mention of ADD, I felt a need to share. My ADD spouse told me more times than I can count that I was just "too sensitive" but apparently he's verbally abusive and he doesn't even realize it! If I pointed it out I'd be a "trouble maker" too! Really? If he's been diagnosed with ADD, we can't point out the verbal abuse?
An excerpt from the link:
..."verbal abuse creates pain and trauma and can lead to physical illness. Ongoing abuse is stressful, no matter how much one tries to ignore it. Stress compromises the immune system leaving the abused person vulnerable to a host of illnesses. Back pain and exhaustion are often the first symptoms."
The depression I struggle with is probably due to the chronic financial hardships and verbal abuse that ADD has brought to my life. In my mind, I can separate the ADD from the spouse, but I also feel the need to separate myself physically from what feels like ADD's relentless attack on me. The spouse is just never going to get it and if he does, it will only be for a day or so...
http://www.verbalabuse.com/page3/page4/page4.html
Nice to see some familiar names out there!
Please be good to yourself :)
- I DESERVED IT. pt 2.What made me make up my mind to finally leave him. by: lovehurtsalotwi... 12 years 8 months ago
I ended things today with my husband and made up my mind to no longer continue the relationship.One of the many forums I wrote would explain how bad I was suffering,and still is.The forum subject is( I TOOK OFF MY WEEDING RING TODAY,IT'S OVER,HE USED ME FOR HIS OWN CONVENIENCE),this is the follow up of it .Every one who reads my forums must think that I have alot of courage to stay with such a hypocrite man as him.I suffered constant abuse, and the days he won't abuse me he would do things to piss me off.I have ADHD too and I only realized it from reading and finding exact symptoms they carry, but I also understood their are two types of ADD, mild and severe, I have the mild and my husband has the severe, being with an ADHD spouse, severely symptoms are very excruciating with pain and grief and long term suffering, for their needs only!I came to understanding that if he does not have his way and only his way there is a possibility of infidelity,and misconduct,adolescent behaviors.He cheated on me on the day of my birthday, and I can't seem to get it over,it hurts me and 3 months later I still sometimes cry about that.I don't quit understand where ADHD stands with him carrying another woman to our apartment on the night of my birthday, but all I know is that his excuses makes no sense.This woman that he took home is a woman I knew for 10 years now, and everyone is well acquainted with her, she's a prostitute.He on the other hand knew that she is a prostitute, but what he did not know that rumor has it she has AIDS.Well I walked in on them doing nothing she was in the kitchen when I arrived but they did nothing..And how I know for sure I walked in on them the same time they arrived and then of course I catch an instant ADD and went ballistic.She was out of sight since then.
Today as I was at his apartment, trying to prepare lunch, he wants me to do things and is demanding my little spare time that I have after work.I have two kids to tend to and not three,but he thinks for some reason that I am his mother.He wants me to go to his apartment when my car stars back working, and clean, and wash his clothes, and cook dinner before he gets home.I have no problem with doing things for the man I love but,here's what my everyday is, Monday thru Friday.I have to get up at 4am on mornings to start to work because I work from home,I prepare meals for people,then I have to go out there and deliver it,that goes on till 11.30 am in the morning,then I would go to the grocery and buy back things to do it all over again next day.After that I would come home by where I live and clean and wash or do what I need to do,and then I would lay down for At least 2 hours then he would pick me up where I would go home by him on evenings and clean,wash and sometimes cook and I don't get home till 8 or 9 at nights ,and by then I have a little preparation to do to get back up at 4 am and do it all over again.What next? why he don't feel sorry for me, I don't know?He is not making things easy for me, and all I am seeing him doing is trying to get me to focus ONLY ON HIM! but that's impossible.I can't dedicate my self to ONLY HIM! he is out of control with this behavior.His demands is high of me, and his expectations, and unrealistic dreams would never come to pass,he craves for a woman,any woman who would build their world around him and only him, but I know for a fact only a woman who is in a desperate need would do as he says and lately as I can recall all women these days are very much independent and do not rely on men to help them financially no more.HATS OFF TO US(HOORAY)!
Today what made me finally make up my mind to leave him is when we were arguing he told me that I DESERVED IT!I DESERVED IT? okay then I really deserved it for him taking the prostitute home on my birthday, that's what he said and all I can remember him saying after that was that "IT GOOD FOR YOU" and that I bought a stupid car.My tears came rolling down like a river stream and all I did was took up my belongings and left..He crossed the line AGAIN,there is no way he could be for real,I gave my life to this ungrateful man and tried to forgive him and then he would turn around and say I deserved it!No one ever deserves to be cheated on or be told they have a stupid car or nothing bad..If he really loved me I don't think he would say all those hurtful things.I am turned off by that now and maybe he thinks that I would come running back to him like I always did but he's wrong I'm not going back again.He would cheat on me again and I would not be lucky twice to get away from aids a second time.He has a high sex drive and the porn is a usual custom, but how long will he turn to porn again for, if i'm no longer there? he would do something soon with somebody and I would not ever take the chance and make back up with him it's over!..........from:lovehurtsalotwithanger.
- I TOOK MY WEEDING RING OFF IT'S OVER! HE USED ME FOR HIS CONVENIENCE. by: lovehurtsalotwi... 12 years 8 months ago
I took my weeding ring off today,he is very hard and cruel to me he does not understand my hurts and pain in this marriage.We went out last night and we had a good time, but the long over due of us separating has finally come to an end.He is living in his own apartment now since he got his job and it pays him so well he can now afford his own apartment, and I am happy for him.But his high demands from me is a little to much for me since, I have so much going on for me at home, with my kids and my work.I work from home and make my living from home so I can't live with him and that Is creating problems between us.Since I' m not there with him at nights he turns to porn, he smokes substances,he cheated on me once,I caught a woman in his apartment ,but I gave him a second chance, he is out of control.He wants to control me me tell me how to live my life constantly.I was trapped in a very high sexual,manipulative,controlling,impulsive,relationship.He USED ME for his convenience, and I am very hurt and angry at the same time.I bought a car that had a big problem, and I met him when I bought my car,he fixed it for me, that is one of the many professions he has and I became very fond of his Intelligence, I dated him ,then we got married.
A while now my car has a big problem and it's down presently,and my husband said he would help fix it LABOR WISE.Today we got in a big fight and he told me pick up my car he is not fixing it for me again.I have no problem with that,there are so many mechanics around and he is not the only one but,I realized something today, and maybe it's my fault I let him take advantage of me because all I ever did wrong was loved him too much.He used me alot for his own convenience, and love is blind and I did not see it coming at all.He had nothing when I first met him and I thought he was genuine so I took him in my home and began our long journey in what was supposedly be, love and commitment together.No I was wrong ,he had no place to stay and no car to drive and I was his target.Now don't get me wrong,I do think that he did love me just a bit considering the terrible things we've been through thus far,but he contributed to ALL! His ADHD is severe and I have ADHD mild, but having two ADHD married with loads of problems just won't cut it.There will be separation sooner or later,and I say this with having being in one myself.
Now the day has come that he has his car that he bought recently,and now his own place that he rents,he no longer needs me.I am in his tracks for living his free life of women and porn.I am very hurt and sad now and I write this with tears in my eyes and all I want is to get back my happiness somehow.I don't know how long it would take me to get him over because we had so many bad times together and alot of good memories also.This one is going to be very tough for me because I did not use him conveniently,he did.I was so real in our marriage and loved the good,bad and the ugly in him and stick with it.He did so many wrong things to me carried a next woman home by him on my birthday,took all our money out and transfer it to a different account,bad talked me in his work with co-workers,confided in female co-workers,complained on my kids nonstop,back answered my mother,eat with the ADHD disorder of chronic boredom, and never gave me money for groceries,insulted me in public,cheated,reap roach me,abused me,lied,cursed me,look at other women in my presence,control me,stopped me from having or talking to my friends,and lots lots more.He is very bad to me in so many different levels and I am not going to continue this marriage no more.I am going to continue to work hard as I usually do,work on regaining back some of my friends,take care of my kids,and to hell away with the abusive husband..IT'S OVER! I will get my car fix elsewhere and save my money for it...........from:lovehurtsalotwithanger
- I AM SUFFERING, I HAVE NO MORE ENERGY LEFT..HE WOULD LOSE ME SOON. by: lovehurtsalotwi... 12 years 8 months ago
I love him,I love him too much, but he won't stop accusing me.He won't stop nagging on me ,checking up on me, how is it he can't see how much I'm trying with him,I joined this ADHD marriage site to help me cope through our marriage and to try and save it..I thought I was alone out there with a terrible husband with such selfish needs and self centered ways,and when I joined the forums I somehow manage to stay with him,the ADHD marriage forums helped me a lot and I read about it on line as well,but things are getting tough and I can't deal with his angry tantrums that he throws at me and accusations.I am in a suffering relationship with him,I am suffering for his gentleness,kindness,love and understanding..I am forced to move on soon somehow to save my sanity and mentality,stability..He is going to lose me and he would not realize it until it's too late.
He thinks I am on some dating site, when I am on marriage forums and trying to save our marriage.I recently got Internet, and my laptop monitor fell and got damaged and when I told him It fell and got damaged over the phone he sounded very happy, I know that he is a jealous man and he don't want me on the computer at all because he is thinking that I am cheating on line.STUPID! I am not cheating and today I went and bought a monitor from a company and I told him and he went in to tantrums,shouting on the phone telling me why I am so obsessed with the laptop and getting really upset..He burst in my bedroom and asked me to see the marriage site I am on and when I did he asked me to see the history on my computer, and I panicked and did not show him because I wrote a forum today on (HE WON'T HELP ME FINANCIALLY) and I did not want him to see that,that would have made him very very mad.
He left and I knew where he was BY THE BAR,the same bar that he picked up a woman from that(My ADHD husband( ruined my birthday)that was a next forum I wrote under anger frustrations,I don't know what to do any more should I leave him and grieve for a while ,or stay with him and grieve right through.He promised me that he would not go to that bar no more and he broke his promise to me,maybe I should really join a dating site and find a match I should thank him for educating me..When I went a while ago and saw him by the bar about an hour ago I asked him why is he at the bar he said that what do you mean and argued the point I did not show him the history on my computer, and I told him that I deserve a little privacy and that he should trust me then it don't worth us being together,he was so mad and could never get it over and went as far as bad talking my son and pointing out things that is disturbing him and forgot what the real argument was about,but I was expecting that since he always do that since I know him..
I never mentioned this in none of my forums before but I was with someone else when I met my ADHD husband the one of whom I am with now,and I left my boyfriend of 6,six years to be with this man that tricked me In to thinking that he was Mr.Right and that he would love my kids,me and dedicate himself to become one with me,I was wrong he is nothing of the sort and I have lots of regrets today. I left my boyfriend to marry a hypocrite,self centered,man..I say this with utmost pain and hurt I miss by boyfriend of six years that man treated me with so much love and respect ,he never once cursed me or tell me one bad thing ever,the reason I left him was because he was not ready for marriage and My ADHD husband was.I wish I never wanted that now.I am so unhappy In this marriage I just wish that I could get back my normal life...........from:lovehurtsalotwithanger......thanks for reading my forum........
- Sex and my wife's inability to change by: codrdave 12 years 8 months ago
My wife is JUST now getting diagnosed but the more I read the more I understand that she is ADD and how that has been killing our marriage.
Let me start by saying that I have a high libido with a proclivity for being a thrill seeker. My belief is that thrill seeking is not bad as long as the activity is within norms... E.G. a sex swing in the privacy of our bedroom.
My wife is a comfort creature and has ADD. What that fleshes out as is very boring sex that can have gaps of weeks between intimacy. I am the first to admit that I can't have my own way, but I believe that sex, like anything must be a compromise. The problem we are having is that any request I make can be discussed and agreed upon and sometimes with excitement on both of our parts but within a few weeks, it's as if we never had the conversation... at all. Even after we have had a conversation hundreds of times, she can look at me as if this is the very first time she has heard it.
I get that it can be part of the ADD brain and you feel like a broken record, but she is VERY combative to ANY type of coping mechanism. I have read that lists help, so that reminders aren't nagging. But, she gets irate over lists as well. Anything I ask her to do becomes a fight. It could be as simple as asking to have dinner at a regular schedule... I completely understand that I will have to help her manage the ADD and get this to happen, but he idea alone is a war!
How do I cope with this. I have to be able to bring life into some sort of functional stasis but she refuses to even let me help.
When it comes to sex... forget it... I can ask a million times for sex to be something I like 50% of the time and she will agree and also say that she likes that as well... but then nothing... nadda... and two weeks later, she is back to behaving as if we never talked. That I can understand... but then she refuses to understand that I am pissed and need her to at least admit it's the ADD.
That alone is enough to send me packing. But for the sake of argument and hope, let's say that I find a way to survive a sexless marriage... She plods along in her direction without a nod to what i want or need. Or vacation to Florida was CONSUMED with her agenda. Every morning she wanted to sleep in, drink coffee by the pool and take her time getting ready. Then she wanted hours on the beach and to watch the sun go down over the ocean. Then she had a list of restaurants she wanted to go to. Add that up. What's left for me? That takes us from waking to around 9pm.
No matter what we talk about, she forgets within a week or two. No coping mechanism we try lasts long enough for me to recover.
About 5 years ago we started swinging. It was foolish and caused a lot of damage. But I have to say that as dysfunctional as it was, it was wonderful having sexual partners who could retain my preferences and not be combative.
What I learned from that was that I really am a one woman man, but I need someone who is actually there. I so deeply miss having connected sex. Sex with my ADD wife is like sex with a robot. She can't even make adjustments over a period of 26 years...
Any help... anything that would get me through this would be appreciated.
One last thing... understanding is a pointless function for me. I mentally understand it's not personal. I don't care if it's intentional or not. I need some mechanism to make it stop - at least enough to find a drop of happiness.
- HE WON'T HELP ME FINANCIALLY.. by: lovehurtsalotwi... 12 years 8 months ago
My husband is very tight with money ever since I knew him but, I never knew he would bring that sort of energy around me..I am a very hard working woman for as long as I could remember, and I raised two kids on my own with a little help from my parents but as soon as my alcoholic dad left my mother for a next woman, I have been raising them on my own since then..I am financially stable at the time but I assume that if you are married to someone they would help you out financially especially a ma n? RIGHT OR WRONG?
I am no fool and my ADHD husband thinks in his head that he is not to give me money or help me financially because my two kids is not his.NO NO NO!!!! I have had it with his silly excuses and forget all that, I have my kids covered but he would not even give me money for me.I am a woman and all women like a little pampering in the salon,shopping,etc and to look good for their man and their selves..I met him with no job and nothing not even a car and I took care of him for 5 months and when he started making alot of money and got financially secured he moved out my house with alot of silly complains he left me and my kids to fend for our selves and never even helped me back when I sometimes need it..One example,yesterday I had to pay for something that he enjoys too, and I asked him If he is going to help me pay for it and he said no! I am done with helping him now,I never expected him to treat me so bad and after all I did for him I realize that this man has no heart for me, then why I must stay with him further more,I say now that his rope is coming to an end with me I can't deal with his mood swings,womanizing,constant complaints,ADHD,no more I am fed up...
- The choice to get married by: PoisonIvy 12 years 8 months ago
Occasionally, I see comments from people along the lines of, "Why did you get married to this person if he has all these problems?" or "Why are you still married to this person?" or "How could you even think of splitting with someone who has a disability?"
I've thought about these a lot and wanted to share some of my answers. I'd love it if other people would offer their thoughts, too.
1) I was young and stupid.
2) I liked him and thought he would be a good provider.
3) At the time we got married, I didn't know he had ADHD. I knew very generally (maybe) that he had struggled with depression and anxiety but I didn't know any details. Not until the second year of marriage was I confronted with an unvarnished example of my husband's emotional functioning, when it took him two months to make an important decision and he seemed totally unable to deal with the decisionmaking process in a productive way.
4) I had changed a great deal by my early 20s and so I thought that everyone had the capacity and willingness to change.
5) Things didn't fall apart all at once. Having a messy person as a spouse seemed tolerable; having as a spouse an unemployed person who wouldn't look for a job was much less tolerable and much more destructive to the family.
6) I'm at heart a positive, can-do person but he's not and another person's negativity can really grind away at one's own outlook.
7) I just turned 50. I'm allowed to have a midlife crisis.
8) I was young and stupid.
- Worried my ADD partner won't take medication take pot instead! by: Enisbel 12 years 8 months ago My partner seems to think and feels that pot is the only thing that will help him relax at night and does not want to take any meds. Can anyone advise on the risks of an ADD smoking pot once a day? I am really worried about it and when talked to him to suggest that he gets medication instead he says that the medication is worse for his health?