Recent forum posts (all topics)

  • At the end of my rope and don't know what to do.. by: leopardprints67 12 years 8 months ago

    I  am hoping someone here can advise me.  I am seriously just losing it. Please bear with me if I seem like I'm rambling, but I'm just trying to give a full, complete picture here

    I've been married to my non-adhd (but OCPD) husband for almost 3 years. We've been together for almost 8. In the beginning of our relationship, I was VERY immature. At 38 I had never yet really, truly fallen in love. But I fell in love with him and he with me. We were deleriously happy and content. At first.

    I have a strong background of sexual abuse. Terrible, traumatizing sexual abuse that has happened since age 5 til even up to my early 30's. I was promiscuous when I was younger as a result, on drugs and pretty much had a screwed up life where I was abused.  I kept finding the same type of guy. The useless ones who didn't care for me, just wanted to own, hurt and use me. It was all I'd ever known.

    But when he came, he was so so different. He understood pain and suffering as his childhood was just as traumatic.  He's steady, mellow and not easily aroused to anger and a good father. A great guy and one I love with all of my heart even when he drives me crazy.

    I had, had a very prolific online life before we met, because I was very lonely and unhappy in my relationship at the time.  I had broken up with  but was still stuck living in the same house as my ex. I didn't go anywhere, do anything but be home with the kids. So I was online A LOT.  When hubby and I got together, I still was online. Pretty sure, I was addicted to being on the internet. ADHD and all. I also had surrounded myself with sexually open and free people and was friends in real life with  several of them. Some of the discussions we would have were provocative and flirtatious, but none of them interested me that way. THey were just interesting people. I didn't want their lifestyle.

    After I got with Josh, after the first few months, my depression and ADHD would send me right back to the computer and phone. He read some of the convos and to say the least, he wasn't happy. I caused him a lot of pain. He says I broke his heart.  I never even understood WHY I did it at the time. But often, without realizing it, I would fall back into those same patterns. Over the years together, I would sometimes text flirtatiously with meaningless men and try to hide it. I didn't want these people. I didn't care about them. I DID however, want the stimulation and for people to want me, even though I didn't feel the same about them. I understand NOW why I did these things was from the years of sexual abuse and conditioning. I was seeking self validation in unhealthy forms. And ADHD was most likely a big part of it, too.

    My husband told me get counseling or else. And I tried. Many times. With work, kids, a breaking down vehicle and the counseling halfway across town, it just didn't happen much. I would make appointments and usually have to cancel them because there was no way I could get across town and then make it to work on time. Or he'd have his kids here and because he has many medical problems, would be asleep from pain meds or just in too much pain to handle them. So I would end up cancelling and not rescheduling. And I couldn't afford the GOOD counseling (and still can't) for someone closer to me who are REAL counselors. The people at the free sex abuse counseling just let me talk. They didn't give me much insight into anything, to be truthful. I got discouraged. I don't have real insurance. So I went to forums like this and read and read help books, including Orlov's. I made conscious decisions and changed patterns. I avoided men. I focused on family and spouse. I stopped talking to EVERYONE just about. I stayed home and only went to work and home again. The last time I spoke to someone in a manner that wasn't appropriate (Flirtatiously) was back in 09. I have been and still am a faithful, happy spouse. I must state here that I have NEVER had sex of any kind with anyone else since I have been with him. Eight years and counting and I have no desire to with anyone else either. I am happy, VERY happy to just be monogamous. I don't want to flirt or repeat past offenses. He has all of my passwords and is welcome to look at my phone or conversations at any time and he knows this. I have NOTHING to hide. Even my past, which I hid from him from utter shame for so many years is now out and in the open.

    My husband however, wants to call it quits now and says we will just "Be friends". Why? Because after so long, I re-opened my Facebook. I miss seeing what's going on with family and friends/acquaintances. I'm lonely and want someone to talk to. He has MS (and many other awful things) so he's often drugged out or sleeping all day, when I'm awake. I come home from work at 11:30 pm and can't stay up all night to talk to him, because I'm often back up early in the AM watching my step kids. I'm also starting an art business and wanted to network. I had shut down my Face book before because I had been flirting with a guy on there. That person is no longer someone I waste my time with and isn't on my FB and never WILL be again. I only have friends, coworkers and family on there now. The only single men on there are a few coworkers who are under the age of 25, the same age as my sons. I think of them in a motherly only fashion, because, well... Eww. Anyone under the age of 35 just seems like child molesting to me. I'm 44 soon to be 45. (My husband is 40 and that's plenty young enough for me!) He says, I'm too stressful and I'm causing him anxiety and going to give him a heart attack. I think HE Needs counseling, frankly. 

    Maybe it's just the ADHD, but I'm not understanding WHY, after all of these years of being a good, dedicated, loving, MONOGAMOUS wife, that he's wanting to push me away. He told me not but a week ago, that he doesn't have any fears or worries. Now, I have Facebook up and he's complaining I'm always on my phone or spending too much time on Facebook. Yes, I'm catching up and I did just get a new shiny phone (that he pushed at me to get) with tons of games and apps (which my ADHD LOOOOVES!)  But that is ALL it is.  And he's convinced himself that I'm cheating or I'm going to cheat, even questioning past friends and stating that he doesn't trust me or believe me when I work late, even though he is welcome at anytime to call my work to verify I'm there.  He says my reasons for not going to counseling are just "excuses". He tells me CONSTANTLY that the van is going to fall apart and to not drive it much, then tells me I'm making excuses to not go. Yeah, it's crummy counseling and I get more feedback talking to a friend. But if it were closer and more accessible (via buses, etc) I would GO. 

    Damn it, all I want to do is just be happy and married to him. I want to raise our kids (including the two kids born to him and his ex wife after we broke up who call me mommy). I want to take care of him and provide for him. I want to support him through his MS and upcoming surgeries and to help him when he  needs it. I HAVE BEEN A GOOD WIFE!! Yet, all he talks about is how I crushed him, hurt him.  It's like I've done nothing good the entire time we've been together. He doesn't trust me. I know my flirting in the past was cheating. It never went past flirting and never would have. I'm wondering if he's just making excuses to himself as to why he doesn't want to be with me anymore and the past issues are just convenient. Or is it some sort of control, because he does have anxiety (which he says is my fault).

    I LOVE this man. God, I love him so much.  But when I try to explain all of what I say here, he says I'm just defending myself. He wants only yes and no answers. He says I'm a sexual addict.  Perhaps in the past, but that person who I used to be seems like a stranger. Someone else. Not who I am now.  And now, I just feel like a complete failure.

    So I need help. I'm begging complete strangers to please, please advise me on all of this. Ask questions and I will answer truthfully. Also, I am unmedicated at the time. Insurance doesn't cover the meds that DO work.

    What do I do?

     

     

  • I want to be happy again by: JulieGreen 12 years 8 months ago

    I have been married to my husband for 4 years now. My husband has been diagnosed with ADHD and has recently filed for disability, due to doctor's advice. He is THAT bad.

    I always knew there was something wrong with our relationship. In the beginning I looked for the problem within myself, searched psychiatric help. Went through hell, and, in the middle of all that, my husband decided to leave me, blaming me for all that went wrong in our relationship. Within 3 weeks of him leaving me, my life had turned. I was able to laugh again, I went back to work and enjoyed it, I finished projects that we had started together and projects that he had started and never finished. I kept seeing my therapist to help me understand what had been going on. I felt good. He, on the other side was collapsing. He contacted me and we talked. He confessed that he realized that it was not my problem, it was his, that he could not cope with his life, that he was unable to take care of himself, of the finances, he was living with his sister, could not find a job and so on. He was having suicidal thoughts. So I did it. I took him back. I took him and mothered him again. Took care of everything, just like before: bills, chores, finances, helped him with his debt from his previous marriage, etc.

    This is me today, after 4 years, still helping him, still mothering him, still reminding him to take his medication, still reminding him to turn the oven off and not burn up my house (yes, it is my house exclusively, it is my car, it is my money - he had nothing when he came to me but debt and in the 4 years of marriage he has not earned a cent). 

    I do not hold it against him that he is the way he is. I don't expect him to pay bills, to do anything in the house, to cook. I have learned to not expect those things from him and it does not bother me. Our house is clean, we have no financial problems, I can manage. I can manage having a child on my side instead of a man. 

    What I cannot cope with is the blame. I am blamed that I am controlling, that I won't allow him to do things, I am being yelled at and called names. I will give you some examples, as it is very difficult to explain:

    1. We receive paperwork that he needs to fill out and sign. I put the paper in my office, on the desk, and I let him know that I put the papers there, in case he was looking for them. This morning, he comes into the bedroom, wakes me up screaming and yelling where I put the papers. I go in the office and search for them. It turns out he had used my desk and since he needed more space, he simply put those papers on the floor and forgot about it. He takes the papers without saying a word. So i say: "you're welcome". And that was it! He starts yelling at me that i always put him down, that he always feels that I feel superior to him, what am I thinking, that I am better than everyone else? And again, yelling, screaming, he calls me paranoid, crazy.... I am very proud to say that I did not scream once. All i said was that I find his behavior towards me inappropriate and hurtful.

    2. Last fight we had before this he was screaming and yelling at me as well, so I went into my room after asking him several times to stop screaming and put my head phones on, just to not have to listen to him anymore. What does he do? he comes into the bedroom with a glass full of water and throws the water at me. Than runs away, leaves the house. I was shocked! 

    3. He has no contact with his mother, sisters, anyone in his family - he has told me storied about them that i am not sure are true or not. Anyway, one time in a fight he told me that I do not allow him contact with his mother. The thing is, I don't even know where that one came from - but in the middle of it, he seems to actually believe what he says. he did apologize afterwards, he always apologizes. He also "remembers" things that never happened, not only with me, but with other people. he will come and tell me that that person said that or did that - but I was there as well, and those things never happened, that person never said the things he believes he heard. But because of what he thinks he hears, he builds up this frustration towards a person. it happens with me, it happens with people we try to befriend and it probably happened with his family as well, that is why he has all those negative feelings towards them.

    I guess what I can't or won't put up with is his anger and his blaming me for his failure and for the way he feels about himself. 

    but than, after all the fights, and the arguments he comes to me and apologizes. And tells me that it is all his fault, and tells me "I understand if you want to leave me, I am worthless, you should leave me". Sometimes i comfort him and tell him I won't leave, sometimes I don't have the strength and say nothing.

    The truth is, I want to leave him. I am not sure why I do not. I am not afraid of being alone, not afraid of financial problems, i can take care of myself. And yet, I find it very difficult to stop this nightmare and put an end to this marriage that is making me miserable. I want to be happy again. 

  • Done with having ADHD, ready to fight the real battle by: hard to function 12 years 8 months ago

    I am done with having ADHD.  The history as to how I got to this point is not important anymore.  

    I have been so caught up in asking the following questions:  1.  What can I change in my life so that it will improve.  2.  Who do I have to convince that I have no control over my thoughts and reactions? 3.  When will I get the time to make changes?  4.  I'm not really crazy, that is for people with schizophrenia.  But why do people think I am?  5.  Why are my responses delayed?  6.  Why are people always telling me what to do?  Don't they have any confidence in me?  I'll just have to be the hero the next time someone needs something to prove I care and I can.

    I am going to ask myself one question from now on...what is reality?  What a scary question but a necessary one.  I'm tired of fighting the battles that I'm good enough.  I'm tired of worrying that I'm going to say something wrong.  I'm tired of blaming others and then feeling so embarrassed that I did or said something so inappropriate.  I'm just tired.  

    If you are a spouse of someone with ADHD,  there is very little you can do to change that person.  Give them more chances, yes.  Provide education, yes.  Threaten to leave or leave, yep that too.  But you will never change that person.  That person has to go to that scary place him or herself to find that his or her reality is wrong.  It is not just a perspective of life that is wrong.  It is not a misguided notion that is wrong.  REALITY is WRONG.  REALITY is WRONG.  I just have to say it to realize it myself.  

    When I think of reality, I think of how everything works on its own, functions together, and establishes the world we live.  My reality of my family is wrong.  My reality of my health is wrong.  My reality of my education is wrong.  My reality of accomplishments, defeats, and everything in between is wrong.  My reality of my husband and my girls is wrong.  How empty that feels to admit that.  What comfort I use to have in "knowing" that I could accomplish, outsmart, change anything if I only really wanted to.  I'm really just here, period.  I am a person born on this planet to get through life just like everyone else.  I have no great superpowers.  I don't love more than others.  Or, contribute more to society than others.  Heck, I can't even say, "at least I'm a good person".  

    But you know what, that is okay by me because I am starting to see a glimpse of reality.  of real beauty, of meaning and feeling.  How wonderful.  

    My husband asked me tonight what I plan to do.  I realize that he doesn't buy into the fact that I "get it" just a little more than I use to.  He has absolutely no reason to believe me.  I apologized to him but told him that all my energy can not be spent on apology after apology and promise after promise ...they hold no water anyway.  My energy is going to be spent on setting the timer everyday so I don't forget to take my medication.  That is it.  Nothing else right now.  

    I am so concerned that I am going to fall back into my old routines and feelings.  I just have to focus on medication.  I have to keep ADHD in the front of my face from morning til night so I don't forget that I have it.  I can't hit it and knock it down if I can't see it, right.   Well, I'm looking straight at it.  I know it is going to be a tough fight but I'm armed and I've never been more ready.  

    ---my life will not be defined by ADHD

  • He refuses to do the things I want to do! by: lovehurtsalotwi... 12 years 8 months ago

    My husband is the true selfish ADHD type!and how long will I go on accepting it!?!?!?!?I can't say?It's all in the stupidness of that dysfunctional brain and I have had enough!There is no doubt of the way I love him and the things I go through with him on a day to day basis,I have been putting up with a lot and more,this is ridiculous,how much more again can I put up with?????.He has left a different city to move here and resided for 2 and a half years now, and only been settled and stabled for the last year or so when he met me.I gave him the motivation to live here and be stabled when he met me.Or he would have been like a fly all over the place,he can't stay one place he was always restless.Before we met and got married, I was like a party rock girl, I love my Journey music,my rock concerts,Air supply all 80's music is my thing,and last year was the most horrifying rock concert of my life"WITH HIM" I love to dance and rave and be carefree,I don't think I was doing anything wrong and he made my happiest time fall down that night at once.Every year a group of people bring down these bands and I look forward to them"every year"and this one that is coming up is the seventh consecutive year and I want to go my rock concert really bad.It makes me happy and all I want to do is dance and have fun with the person I love.Last year when we went that was his first rock concert with me, and he was all up for it at first,but,when he saw that I was having too much fun he turned in to this different person,he wanted to leave when the concert was only half way there and things just started heating up and I was now about having a grand time of my life."HE MADE ME SO SAD"I did not want to go,I don't know what was his trigger that night because I didn't know about the ADHD then but I now understand.Well we left the concert with me in tears and he was furious for no reason other than pure Jealousy and ADHD tantrums and anger for the simple fact I was "HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE".

    The rock concert is here again!same people hosting it, different bands,all rock, and guess what I want to "GO"and I with the ability to always forget and never remembering his "MENTAL"issues told him about the upcoming concert and "suddenly" his mood changed! he is very hesitant to go,and that is what makes me happy,once a year is all I am asking for!His selfishness is beyond my control and I do not know what the heck to do any more.I am fed up!!!!!When ever he initiates things I go as plan and have a good time with him,I am not a sea person,but,I still go on that stupid boat with him,I hate to travel so much ,but, I still go with him,I hate almost all his events but still do them.Anything he want's to do I am there with him,what about my want's and my need's.Okay again I forgot ADHD! to hell away with my happiness only his happiness matters.people I hate this!

  • When he refuses to acknowledge his anger. by: deciding67 12 years 8 months ago

    What do you do when he refuses to see his anger? My fiancée and I have been together on and off for almost 6 years. (I’m 44 and divorced. He is 49 and twice divorced. His kids are grown and out of the house. I have my 13 year old daughter living with me.)  The first few years we were not aware of the ADHD, so the usual problems occurred.  I found this site and started researching ADHD about 2 years ago. When I showed it to him, he was interested in learning more, but flatly refused any medication. Long story short, we ended up breaking up after months of painful back and forth.  A few months later, he told me he had been researching and found so much information. He was excited about the possibilities, and even willing to try medication. He apologized for refusing to see it and the pain he put me through. Needless to say, I was thrilled. I thought we were on our way to happiness. He told me he would need my input on the medication once he started to watch for changes in behavior. He started on Vyvanse.  He was really pleased with the increase in his ability to focus at work and said he felt much more energy.  The problem was, I was seeing an increase in temper and a shorter fuse. When I tried to talk to him about it, he was extremely defensive and told me I was misinterpreting everything he said.  This went on for a few months and was getting worse by the day. But, he loved the high he was getting from Vyvanse. He was thrilled to be able to accomplish so much more at work.  He took on more accounts and his travel increased from a few days every other week, to Monday through Thursday almost every week. When he would get back on Fridays, we would end up fighting almost instantly. No matter what the situation, it’s a case of me misinterpreting his words, or being impossible to please. When I tried to talk to him about the medication, he told me it was his decision and only he knew what was best.  Along the way, I was getting angrier and angrier. One night I totally lost it and was screaming at him. I saw the shocked look on his face and he told me he had never seen such bitterness in me. When I looked at myself closely, I realized he may be right. So, I went to see a therapist and started on an anti-depressant. The difference was unbelievable.  I was able to find the kindness and compassion that I had lost. I was able to remember all the things I loved about him.  I knew I really wanted to make this relationship work. But, no matter how much I tried to fix myself and change my behaviors, he still lost his temper constantly. The scary part is, he has no idea he does it. By the time we talk about it, he tells me he was not even angry – that perhaps he was a little frustrated with something I did, but that he expressed it very calmly.  He refuses to believe otherwise. I told him the difference the medication made for me and asked him to consider the possibility that he was depressed and needed something to supplement the Vyvanse.  He completely disagreed that he was depressed and said he refused to take one of those “drugs that turn you into a zombie.”  Things have gotten worse by the day. I finally reached the point where I told him I would not be able to see him until he made the call and talked to someone about depression and found a medication to turn down his temper.  He said I was issuing demands and he would handle things his own way and in his own time. He just doesn’t understand the damage he’s doing to me with each passing day. 
    I love this man. Underneath all this is a kind, loving, and gentle man.  He constantly tells me I’m trying to change him into something he’s not.  I’m really trying to get to the man underneath all this.  Is there any hope?

  • Sucker Punched... Again by: bilf 12 years 8 months ago

    I'm feeling so sucker punched I can barely breathe.

    I recently felt the usual, "something is up," feeling, so I actually asked if there was a surprise coming down the pike.

    The answer was an emphatic, "No, of course not."

    Today as I sat down today do bills, I thought something was wrong with my online banking at first.

    Turns out he diverted his check to an account I had no idea about.

    When I called to ask, what I got was something about, "You remember what happened in December."

    I scroll back in my mind. He's only mentioned December once, it was within the last week.

    Ugh, my visceral reaction is strictly to vomit right now.

    In December, he was on the verge of losing his job over using company funds on a gambling addiction. It took an advance from a retirement account to bail out from that one.

    Christmas tends to be generally miserable on my end anyway due to his complete nonparticipation in any holiday prep work and my physical disability which makes the whole thing beyond difficult for me.

    I had completely had it and blew my stack. Any reasonable person would have and I certainly did.

    Had it not been for the retirement account advance there would have been no Christmas for our children. As it was, the delay on getting the paperwork in on his part made it so things were literally scrapped together days before.

    I was exhausted, per the usual.

    During our six year marriage the poor impulse control in the spending area has totaled at least $200,000 outside of any regular income. He'd filed bankruptcy before I met him, however said it was related to the first wife's spending habits.

    We nearly lost our home over the gambling issue.

    Each time a deduction came from his paycheck he lied and said it was a mistake. 

    I was completely honest about everything when I blew. I let it all out from the nearly sexless marriage, the lack of any emotional support, the lying and the chronic financial infidelity.

    I'd said three years at least I was becoming concerned I would eventually need to seek something outside due to the complete lack of sex. My husband puts a pillow between us as we sleep. 

    Anyway, as is, he'll be home soon. I will mostly guess at this point there will be no communication surrounding the bank rerouting thing.

    I could write more, but just mostly exhausted.

    I wonder if he is actually capable of honesty. There's my personal truth, right there...

     

     

     

  • How deviated is ADHD marriage from normal marriage? by: DesperateSoul 12 years 8 months ago

    I have been venting on this forum about my unhappy married life to an ADHD husband. I have been talking and talking and talking about how miserable and suffocating my one year of marriage with him has been. Yesterday I read a book "Is it you, me or adult ADD" and found so many lines that were exactly depicting my husband's behaviors, which brought me into tears:

    • sudden change of affection/attitude before and after marriage
    • very hard to please 
    • no compromise to his belief or what he wants
    • frequent anger outburst and going back to normal as if nothing happened when I am depressed for the remainder of the day
    • low tolerance/patience
    • easily forgets the favors I do for him and always insist that I need to be more forgiving and understanding
    • always whines about his sickness whenever I am sick (he needs more attention to himself than to me)
    • he behaves one way in public and completely the other way with me or at home

    At first I was stunned to see how precisely the book is describing his behaviors as if it picked on my brain, but now I am thinking more and more about it, I wonder if this is a typical guy behavior toward marriage. How deviated is our ADHD-affected marriage from those couples with no ADHD in their life? It is definitely true that I am miserable and suffering, but I wonder if I am that low tolerant person to marriage itself... Am I going into denial of the ADHD effect finally after all that non-sense brainwashing from my husband? 

    Anyone can tell me there are distinctive differences between ADHD-affected marriage and Non-ADHD-affected marriage? 

     

  • up and down,LOVE AND HATE. by: lovehurtsalotwi... 12 years 8 months ago

    I am not new to this marriage site as everyone is well aware of me" lovehurtsalotwithanger"That's "me"Hello everybody,I am very anxious to give my update and here goes....My husband and I separated for one week,and the things I felt with in that "one week" is like never before,I "cannot" live without him,I love the crazy,up and down merry go round kind a love,hate,sweet, stupid man! I LOVE HIM,and I am tired!!!!!!why!!!because one minute he is the weekend lover as you all know by now, and then again he is the bad husband! over the weekend he was very very sweet,took me out,cooked for me, love me like if "NOTHING"is wrong! and all that time in the back of my mind,I know,and I know,and I was so scared of when he would lose the focus of the sweetness.I wish he could be like that forever and never change,but that's my stupid wish and it is not going and happen,because I am no fool to ADHD now and I know the up's and down's in it..He is actually going to fix my car but I am scared of that also because,well,he always reap roaches me for "EVERYTHING"he does for me..Well that is the risk I have to take and I am fed up and scared and very much in what I call the "panic time" with him.....

  • ADD/ADHD and Narcissism relating to communication by: szgrrl 12 years 8 months ago

    I did a few searches on forum & blog posts before starting this new topic to see if there was a recent discussion that I should post to, but didn't see anything that was quite fitting. I have commented on threads in the past week or so covering inability to answer a question directly, etc., but this subject is enough different that I wanted to post it separately.

    I am the ADD one in the family, and along with numerous other communication battles, my husband has always accused me of being unable to admit mistakes. In trying to find "answers" I think I was Googling things like "inability to admit mistakes" or something like that when I came across this article: http://web.archive.org/web/20030212221959/http://www.ippnj.org/mcwilliam....

    Please note that this link is an archived version of the article from the Center for Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis of New Jersey. I tried to find a better link, but could not, so hopefully this is OK.

    I am not stating that ALL ADD/ADHD folks are also narcissistic, just that I read this article and felt like the authors had been secretly watching me for 20 years. Of anything I have read or learned about myself, ADD, etc. this has had one of the most profound effects.

    I am interested to hear comments from ADD/Non-ADD folks to see if they see any tendencies described that match their own traits/spouses traits. A word of caution - NON-ADD spouses - PLEASE don't use this as ammunition against your ADD-spouse. My husband has done this on occasion, and maybe it's appropriate, but while I was still trying to get my arms around it and really understand the implications, sometimes it was hard when he used this article as a "weapon" on me :).

  • Not angry any more by: Anonymous (not verified) 12 years 8 months ago

    Well,

    I did as recommended and read and read Is It you, me or adult add, etc.... The more I read the less angry I got... the more depressed I became.  So I must mourn that I married 6 mo ago to a man that finally "saw me".. to find out with heart tearing suddenness, right after our wedding, that he only saw me bc I was the recipient of his hyper-focus.  It is too late now... I left my job and life to move here for us to make a life for us and his daughter.  I know noone here but his world, so, there is noone to talk to.  He is not a jerk, he actually cares, and so ..can you believe it... I feel like I am drowning bc I cannot even be angry.  It could be any other woman, right... he just hyper focused on me...  I don't have the amount of beauty or anything to reawaken his interest... 6 mo  married and sex/intimacy once a mo. if ever.  I know books say...don't take it personally... What the heck? I get not to blame him... But how am I supposed not to take personally that this is the rest of my life.  I am So. European... we show our love in touch all the time.. I feel as if I was starving for air.  I am ready to give up and just let myself be sucked into his world as the servant of Add treatment.  I waited years and years... I was so careful about falling in love... I saw so much sorrow around.... It could have been any other woman that passed in front of his sight.  Hyperfocus... Nothing to do with me.  I was just the idiot that imagined deserved that sort of attention.  I am, I am told, beautiful, the accent helps... I spent life being careful not to let a man have me just because he wanted a collectable piece (you'd be surprise how many of those guys are around).... I thought he "saw" me,...me...my heart.  I put shields down.  The strike was fatal.  ADHD wins.  I tried to write here more..but sometimes, like in the sex thread, answers were so harsh... I knew I could not bear more ... So I am not angry anymore... I am informed, exhausted, disenchanted, lonely, surrendering, feeling ugly and undeserving, ... I don't know how to not keep walking, so I shall... but as of today I am too heartbroken to lift my head.  Just wait till is over, till another focus comes into his view (person or thing) ..how am I to know? how is he to know? he can't help it, at least he is trying for treatment but crashing against dangerous side-effects..... My family died a long time ago.  Orphan life is not easy for a girl.  There is no where to go, for a break or anything else.  I stay and wait in total surrender.  What is the point anyway?  he is a good man who can't help his condition..and I am the woman who feels I ..what is the English saying... had the bait switched?... by ADD.  I needed the loving I thought I had found.  I survived so many dying...was so many years of no family at all.... but it was only hyperfocus... he loves me, in his ADD way, I know... but I can't see how given the nature of impulse and hyperfocus, how it is not just temporary.... and I don't think I know how to make my So. European body understand that the rest of my life is about touch-starvation.  Any way.  I am just saying good bye to you all who commiserated and shared experiences with me.  I am so sorry that any of you have to go through any of this, ADD sufferers and co-sufferers.  I am so sorry.  You all deserve a life time of joy.  I wish you are all stronger and better shored-up that me and can strive for it.  Warmest wishes to you.

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