Recent Comments
- by: Swedish coast - It seems you're not afraid. That makes it easy for you to remember all the good times in your relationship. I did this too, with an ADD partner who felt I had been awful, by pointing out his weaknesses and shattering his confidence. I loved him, I could never imagine what would happen. As having spent less than a year in recovery from a nasty divorce from this person, I can only softly hum a warning. You might not feel any danger yet, you are loving, capable and confident. But an ADHD partner who feels...>>> on Forum topic - Help me understand as the non-ADHD spouse
- by: Swedish coast - Parent-child is a narrow description that I feel can't cover my ex-relationship either. In your case, it's clear that an ADHD partner can show dominant behavior. I partly share that experience. My ex husband was always very assertive in his fields of interest and profession, that among other things included child-rearing. He made me feel small at times in our family. In the end, he treated me with contempt. Between us, there was this increasing gap in which fell things he had set opinions on, but no...>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: soloequestrian - (I wrote an answer earlier and it disappeared?) We've managed pretty well for around 20 years and the bits that were not so good I can see in hindsight may well have been heavily influenced by ADHD. If this is the issue and we can manage it I think we have a good chance of having something special.>>> on Forum topic - Help me understand as the non-ADHD spouse
- by: soloequestrian - We managed nearly 20 years with (probable) undiagnosed ADHD. It would explain the majority of the not-so-good bits. If we are able to manage those better the relationship has potential to be great - most of it was good anyway. I'd like the opportunity to explore that and if it's not going to work then to separate in a thoughtful way, hopefully maintaining some sort of friendship, not with bafflement and radio silence.>>> on Forum topic - Help me understand as the non-ADHD spouse
- by: honestly - I'm sorry this isn't an answer to your question, but rather another question. What do you want to get out of this situation? I think it would be really helpful to reflect on this a little. Could you ever get what you hope for from this relationship, even if you reconciled? I worry that by trying to woo him back, however generous and loving your impulse may be, you might simply be opening yourself up to further pain.>>> on Forum topic - Help me understand as the non-ADHD spouse
- by: c ur self - After 16 years I've asked mine to leave, (she has a empty house, so she is getting it fixed up to move in to) I have no real good reason for why I waited this long...Just hoping and praying that one day a light would come on...I kind of went through stages....anger and attempting to fix it.....finally acceptance and boundaries......But, when a person is lock in a self centered mind, (mostly blind to the feelings of others, and complete indifference to their responsibilities as a spouse)....It's really no...>>> on Forum topic - the inconsideration...my lord
- by: 1Melody1 - Hey Off the Roller... for me, I really had to accept that the only one who could change my situation was me. I had to give up hoping he would be willing to do anything differently. I tried for years to encourage him to improve our relationship, address the ADHD, work with me to ensure both of our needs were met in the relationship, etc... but his actions clearly told me he was not willing/able to work on anything. So if he wasn't going to change, that meant all change must come from me if I wanted a...>>> on Forum topic - the inconsideration...my lord
- by: J - I've written things a few times in the summary so you're not alone. Don't sweat the small stuff! I did go ahead and read a few things in your past comments that caught my eye. Me, having ADHD as well, could relate well with many things you said. Especially about being wounded from being criticized so many times when you're growing up and your comment about "piercing a metal shield" of protection. These are all good things for me to hear because I'm experiencing some of the very same thing from my ADHD SO...>>> on Forum topic - I want to talk about the hard stuff but just…can’t
- by: Swedish coast - So sorry. I agree with J in that a company can be expected to use you and cares nothing for you. It's still possible to have an enjoyable work life - if your personal life makes some room for your needs. But this you describe sounds like double impact from a rigid and demanding spouse and a rigid and demanding boss. None of them respects your individual self, or your boundaries. And even worse, you have to handle both these forces within your home. Then you have no safe place, or relief. I've been ...>>> on Forum topic - the inconsideration...my lord
- by: Catterfly - Hi Off the Roller, I was where you describe for a long time. Several years at least. Things were horrible but I told myself that sharing custody of the kids would be much much worse - because then I couldn't protect them from his emotional disregulation. The kids are savvier than we think, though. Over New Year's this year, they asked me to leave him. Not that they don't love him, but they couldn't take the rages any more. That was a huge catalyst for me. Coupled with that was the fact that he...>>> on Forum topic - the inconsideration...my lord
- by: honestly - I've hit my breaking point a bunch of times, but never managed to leave. I have tried, really tried, got my finances together and accommodation and packed a bag. I've said in posts here that we're separating. But I've not been able to do it. It's not him that's keeping me but the paralyzing fear of causing my children pain. I have come to accept this about myself - that I can't push through their pain. So I've had to continue on past breaking point, haul myself back together, accept the blame he dishes out...>>> on Forum topic - the inconsideration...my lord
- by: J - All I can offer you is some perspective based on what you just said. About your boss. If it's a corporate situation...I see it this way. A corporation is not a person, it's an "entity" that exists for one reason only. To survive and be profitable. It is 100% self serving in the strictess way, it has no soul. And people in that environment are there to serve the entity and get rewarded for doing that well. The ones at the top got that way because, in themselves, are somewhat that way already which is why...>>> on Forum topic - the inconsideration...my lord
- by: Janster - Sadly I can relate so very much to your post, and have the greatest sympathy for you. It's our 33rd Wedding Anniversary, later this month, and I'm feeling like I can't to this anymore!>>> on Forum topic - Anyone experienced these with ADHD spouse? Just so tired.
- by: J - I did something different. I was trying to have a touchy conversation dealing with an event that happened the other night where she became extremely angry. So angry, she was shaking. She started telling herself out loud..." calm down, calm down" as she was not yelling but her body language was screaming ! I really wanted to know what she was so angry about even though she couldn't tell me exactly. She could say why she was angry....but she could'nt tell me what caused this extreme reaction? So I...>>> on Forum topic - I'm sad when he gets frustrated with me
- by: J - Just a side note first: I work with a guy who does this so I know it's very annoying. I can still remember things I've said on this very forum 8 years ago, and know when I'm repeating myself. I do it here, because I don't assume I'm saying it to the same audience. But if you picked out a story or train of thought from before...I'd be able to recognize it and say yes or no.....I've said this story before. Anyway, this guy at work tells the exact same story over and over in every excruciating detail as if...>>> on Forum topic - I'm sad when he gets frustrated with me
- by: Burnt-out and E... - Hi Off-the-Roller, Thanks soooo much for this article link and your comments...WOW! I'm reading and thinking through each question. This is VERY helpful!!! Thank you, Burnt-out & Exhausted>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
- by: Swedish coast - The theme you describe hasn't been a part of my marriage to an ADD partner, but I've seen it in a relative. This dear person has very little ability to adjust to others. Every impulse, every topic, is on their mercy. If they get restless, and they incessantly get restless, they may disappear with no explanation or hint of when or if they're returning. This is exhausting, especially if you are trying to be a pleasant host. It's understandable that you're fed up with adjusting for him with no...>>> on Forum topic - I'm sad when he gets frustrated with me
- by: catlover1000 - wow one point you made really resonates. My wife couldn't get it together for our anniversary two years in a row but yet has no problem planning and executing birthday stuff for her multiple co-workers. Makes no sense. I don't even think she remembered when I told her how much she hurt my feelings last year.>>> on Forum topic - Angry at ADHD Husband - Not Understanding Priority Setting
- by: Burnt-out and E... - Hello! Thank you for your feedback and sharing...I really appreciate it!!>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
- by: J - and it has some really good information in it. Currently reflecting on myself and my own behaviors that contribute to any part ( good or bad ) in our relationship, has been a productive path for me. Regardless of whether I'm considering staying or leaving....it's only improved things, which is a good thing.>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!