Recent Comments
- by: Swedish coast - Dear J, In my post I was mainly referring to sexual needs which I imagine are sort of core-ish to us. Or maybe that's a misconception of mine. I thought about people I've known intimately for many decades, and it's striking how alike their old selves they are. Having ADHD, as little as I understand about it, can mean having to work ten times as hard as other people and still feeling others crave change. I'm aware this is unfair. By my post I was trying to defend you a bit, from this constant demand for...>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
- by: J - You made a very concise and insightful opinion in this brief comment that has caused me to reflect, so I'm coming back here to respond. This could be a lengthy reply which I don't have time for but, I wanted to say a couple things at least for the time being. While, I agree with you in part, about the core of a persons inherent God given elements being unchangeable on that level, I disagree that a person cannot change to a large degree. I know this, because I've discovered it to be true. Dr Russel...>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
- by: Catterfly - Hi there, You've described so many of our relationships. I left mine two months ago, after 17 years of marriage and 20 years together. I'm glad you're starting to ask these types of questions much earlier. I spent years trying to fix things myself, but finally came to the conclusion that there's a hard line: will he or won't he engage to work on himself and take responsibility for his ADHD? Like you, I gave my spouse all the tools and support I could find, including Melissa's course. He wouldn't...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
- by: cvb21xdrt - Thank you for your well-meaning response. I knew that posting a paragraph would not adequately explain the past 11 years, and I'm okay with that. I came to this forum to vent and find support (e.g., normalize my experience). I wish you the best in your journey.>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
- by: cvb21xdrt - Thank you for sharing your experience and normalizing mine. This has been such a lonely journey, and I haven't talked to family or friends because I don't want to isolate him from our support network. I suppose that is why I came to this forum...to vent and share. Thank you!!>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
- by: Swedish coast - I appreciate your honesty always. Thank you for sharing too.>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
- by: Swedish coast - Catterfly, I so admire your optimism and energy going through these hard times. I'm sure you're doing this more gracefully than I could ever dream of. I also sense your children will be forever strengthened by the courage you've shown. I hope you've enjoyed the holiday!>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
- by: Swedish coast - I'm so sorry. This sounds hard. You describe how the relationship makes you unhappy and he doesn't try to change this. I understand completely that you consider leaving. To me it doesn't seem to matter which diagnoses are involved, or why he's not making the effort (disability, lack of priorities, inattentiveness, depression, inertia?) You can't have a better relationship if he doesn't optimize his treatment, choose you over the computer and try to create a good life for the two of you. I've had much...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
- by: J - Hi cvb21xdrt, As I read through this post, I have a handful of questions to ask. Since this is a post in the "Support for the ADHD Partner" and even though I have ADHD, so does my partner. I guess that qualifies my as an ADHD partner too? If you don't mind? If I hear you correctly, you've listed a number of issues ( or symptoms ) that sound like deal breakers, as you've expressed you are close to divorce if you see no improvement from your spouse? Since I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to talk about...>>> on Forum topic - My ADHD Spouse Won't Get Help
- by: Swedish coast - Off the roller, I imagine you are right now pondering your options and it's so hard. Leaving is descending into chaos. Yet, if you leave your marriage, I do think you will be ok. You can find your own way of living that allows you to be the composed lovely woman you used to be. It's not ideal to daily feel distrust, anger and bewilderment at an ADHD partner's behavior. I also feel it's a lot to ask of a non partner to erase those feelings in order to keep status quo. Like your perceptions weren't...>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
- by: honestly - that's so heartening to hear. I'm happy for you, for where you've got to already. X>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
- by: Off the roller ... - Thank you for sharing Swedish. I have so much more to say but appreciate your candor always. Its so refreshing to hear from "the other side" and it solidifies what I think a lot of know, but can be too scared to admit: that if we take those hard steps and make a painful but necessary decision, we will still be ok. X>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
- by: Catterfly - Hi Swedish, This weekend I'll be celebrating your story as we give thanks for all of our blessings here in Canada. I'm about 8 months behind you, and am very much looking forward to the confidence and joy that you describe, as well as the happy kids! You've really taken a brave journey and I'm so very glad to hear that you're seeing the light ahead, finally. Thank you for sharing so candidly with us and helping us all to find our own paths, however they lead. Catterfly>>> on Forum topic - A year after divorce
- by: J - This story actually came into my thinking when, not actually thinking about my SO but about my oldest sister. We don't have a really close relationship, not only because of our age difference, but because she's extremely introverted. She so introverted, we use to tease her saying: " you could be put on a desert island somewhere with and endless supply of books and you'd be perfectly happy". And she immediate agrees. She's has almost no need to be social or need for anything but solitude and her books. In...>>> on Forum topic - Man ( or anyone ) Dying of Thirst in the Desert
- by: Easy_Rider_ - I would say you're not alone in your frustration and resentment. Being the non-ADHD partner is a constant battle to implement and enforce healthy boundaries. It's honestly exhausting and most days feel hopeless because it's the same thing but different day. That said, I do think it's the right way tk deal with the relationship instead of just giving into the chaos. I've noticed my ADHD children are able to manage their attention and focus much better after years of helping them through behavioral therapy....>>> on Forum topic - Vent: non-ADHDer exhausted being the valet for ADHD anxieties/needs
- by: Regina-Lucy - Thank you for these kind words. Sometimes when you are in the thick of it you can start second guessing yourself. I appreciate your words and perspective>>> on Forum topic - Vent: non-ADHDer exhausted being the valet for ADHD anxieties/needs
- by: Swedish coast - It sounds like you have to carry too much. I'm sorry. I was offered professional advice when overwhelmed with my ADD ex husband's influence on the family. It was: leave home several times a week to do something recreational alone. It was good advice. It refreshed me and pulled me out of situational depression. It also meant things had to be solved by others while I was away. If others weigh you down, you need to balance that. So I'd try to create some space. Which could mean not answering your phone and...>>> on Forum topic - Vent: non-ADHDer exhausted being the valet for ADHD anxieties/needs
- by: J - I have a strategy in mind to carry this out that's not just willing myself not to want sex. It's kind of my own 3 prong treatment to lower my desire, libido and sexual response. I've actually done this before, not intentionally and not what I wanted at the time. The only reason I'm on Wellbutrin is because of its low sexual side effects and it actually increasing sexual desire not because it's the most effective for depression. Before Wellbutrin, I was on Zoloft which was extremely effective in treating...>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
- by: Swedish coast - Whatever you choose to do, I wish you the very best.>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough
- by: J - and have weighed in on how this might play out. As I said, it's not fair to her, to let any of the many things listed spill over on her. As I hear you, this is what you're saying too. We're in agreement there. But I've had my own thoughts on this matter and am still thinking about this. This goes back to: " no man is free, who is not master of himself" As I've lived life, I know I've been a slave to my own weakness and inability to control my urges. Whether it be drugs, alchohal, porn, cigarettes...that...>>> on Forum topic - Had a Breakthrough