Recent Comments
- by: c ur self - Reading on this thread I see something in many of the posts, something I have contemplated many times over my life time...It's the searching, building, or the proclaiming of our own identities....And most of the time it seems we work from what we know, or have experienced...(physical factors)...Childhoods, abuses, parental influence, education, finance's, the other person, mostly physical features....We definitely can be effected by all of these...The questions I have had to ask myself is, ''will I camp...>>> on Forum topic - "No man is free who is not master of himself " - Locus of Control
- by: c ur self - It's really amazing how unaware I can be in these moments, when I am attempting to bring a person, or people, into my own mind, as it relates to anything...Life scenario's, etc....The reason we (I) do this is because of the fear of being misunderstood, or worse, being perceived as not caring..... c>>> on Forum topic - Over Explaining and ADHD
- by: J - Staying true to my convictions and continuing being the person I want to be is what I'll be continuing to strive for no matter what happens. To live at peace as much as possible. This much I know for certain.>>> on Forum topic - Communication Missing the Mark
- by: rzmtz382 - Oh wow. And there i was, thinking i was on my own. Like you, I too have only realised after all these long years. Known him for more than 30+ years, been married for more than 20+ years in that period - and somehow i just didn't see it so clearly until very very recently. The shocking thing for me is that both our kids most likely have ADHD too, and husband and i have talked about the need to try and address it with the kids and help them manage it, and he also agreed (at least in principal) that he may...>>> on Forum topic - Just Realized Husband Has ADHD - After 26 Years Of Marriage
- by: Catterfly - Thank you, Starlight123. I appreciate your support.>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated and unhappy
- by: Starlight123 - Thank you! That's what I need, a little bit of looking after myself. You're absolutely right. Going to be difficult to get it though.>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated and unhappy
- by: Starlight123 - I'm sorry that you've had such a tough time. It's very brave that you're decided enough is enough and are going to build a new life. It's good you're looking after yourself. Time for you.>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated and unhappy
- by: Starlight123 - Yes we should hang out! It all sounds pretty similar. I feel for you. I'm about 10 years in. We can't seem to get through a day without me saying something that upsets him. And I do try and constantly help him. It's a very difficult condition for him as well, the ADHD and RSD. I'm sorry you've got to the stage of separation. That must be a sad situation for you.>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated and unhappy
- by: Swedish coast - That's good news, Catterfly. I find inspiration in your example. Today is a happy day - I had great satisfaction at work, then went outdoors for a lovely afternoon and now there'll be a long walk with a friend. Rewards are so funny, they seem to have little to do with what we accomplish and even less with effort. They just happen out of the blue when circumstances are right. I'm so grateful for your answer.>>> on Forum topic - Forgiveness
- by: Peacefull111 - I've been there in the past with my ex. What I would advice is to always put yourself first as they have a hard time putting others needs before their own. Make time for you and have been strict boundaries about what you want and do not want. It's going to be so important for you to be a little selfish and prioritize you. And also just being aware if things are navigating into trouble zones like addiction issues or a bad relationship and being honest with yourself checking in to make sure you're happy....>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated and unhappy
- by: J - I didn't choose to have ADHD...but I have a choice what to do about. And yes, SO has already launched into her art projects and has abandoned me sort of. But, I'm welcome to join her if I like. She doesn't mind that at all. I get a little bored not able to directly participate so I can go off and do other things. When I was doing the same thing she's doing, practically living inside my shop doing woodworking projects. I would have died and gone to heaven if my x wives were to have joined me. Both of us...>>> on Forum topic - Communication Missing the Mark
- by: J - I'm back ... I've also had some time to think about what you said. To sum up what I was saying earlier. There doesn't feel like there's a power struggle in some regards as I was saying...we decide a lot of things together as to who does what and rarely have any disagreements especially in the chores and household duties. No problem there. As far as the control issue of hers ( she fully admits it ) this has more to do with her sex abuse and life at home growing up which is also where the sex abuse...>>> on Forum topic - Communication Missing the Mark
- by: honestly - I feel sometimes that I am being especially harsh and even stupid about this stuff, but I am baffled. You get the two good years when you're their hyperfocus and they can't do enough for you. Treats and trips and thoughtful little gifts. They get the dopamine hits from being nice to you, so they are at that time capable. Then when you're in an established relationship they get bored, dopamine lessens and they can't be bothered any more. They could bother if they chose to - mine can organise trips for...>>> on Forum topic - Angry at ADHD Husband - Not Understanding Priority Setting
- by: Catterfly - Last year I designed a trip for my husband and I to the east coast. I booked a hotel overlooking a historic harbour, with a cute town to explore, amazing hiking trails and views, and of course the fish restaurants! There was a moment where he told me he didn't want to go exploring, instead wanted to watch TV in the room. I left him and went down to the roaring fireplace in the lobby, overlooking the harbour. Curled up and read a book. For the rest of the trip, I felt like he was following me around...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated and unhappy
- by: Catterfly - You don't have to forgive him at all. You just have to find a way to not seethe when you have to be with him for the kids. I left my husband about three weeks ago, so can certainly relate. I'm trying to rechannel all of that seething energy into activities for me. Yoga, a hike (which I'm doing by myself now!), boxing (so cathartic when done with other middle aged women), a hair cut, etc. Tomorrow I'm planning to stick a lawn chair into the creek and sit there and read for a while. Simple silly things...>>> on Forum topic - Forgiveness
- by: Swedish coast - I appreciate it. It's true, he doesn't deserve forgiveness, neither has he asked for it. I think the desirable end in this is painless contact. Now, I can't bear to see him because his casual attitude hurts me like a red hot iron, and so does the clumsiness of the friend we still share and who spoke a lot with him first during divorce and got the picture everything was amicable, and so elephanted into her first talk with me post divorce and crushed me completely. The pain! I won't ever be casual around...>>> on Forum topic - Forgiveness
- by: Swedish coast - You're right. He will never provide me with anything I need. It's too late for that kind of thing. The insecticide incident makes my hair stand on end. It's just dreadful! Thank you so much for taking time to answer. It means a lot to me.>>> on Forum topic - Forgiveness
- by: J - I'll just quickly put some context to the points you made. The "I don't want to hear excuses" comment came when I was first attempting to introduce her to some things I've recently learned here. Specifically, the burnout cycle which I believe she suffers from too and is partly responsible for her "grouchy" moods as she refers to them. Which is also part of the anger issues that I was having with her. I was actually referring to myself as a way to ease into the topic instead of just hitting her with it by...>>> on Forum topic - Communication Missing the Mark
- by: honestly - You don't have to forgive him, but maybe you need to come to your own peace, for your own sake. And that will take time. Regarding his ignorant attitude to your pain - that sounds just like a friend's (non ADHD) ex who eroded their marriage with day to day selfishness and then torpedoed it with an affair, and now behaves as though everything is perfectly reasonable and they can all be grownups about his new partner and their new 'blended family', when in fact his kids are truamatised and his ex wife's life...>>> on Forum topic - Forgiveness
- by: honestly - We should totally hang out! I recently realised that the memories me and my husband have made as a couple are mostly of box sets we've watched together. I find my joy elsewhere and have for years. Outdoorsy stuff with friends or wider family or my kids or by myself. I'd take myself off to read more often, but he tends to get offended, but he accepts it if I have a long bath with a book, so I do that quite often. I had been very, very lonely in my marriage. Accepting that it was not going to bring me...>>> on Forum topic - Frustrated and unhappy