Recent Comments
- by: Swedish coast - You give a heartbreaking description of how an ADHD child is misinterpreted. What I'm struggling with could be fear-driven avoidance in my adult relatives. I'd say it looks more like they don't want to participate in keeping family together. They don't seem to want to follow family traditions I grew up with, or make new ones when I've asked them what they'd like. Even though they say they want to see us, they don't reciprocate socially. It comes across rather like they can't be bothered, or that their...>>> on Forum topic - Distraction looking like arrogance
- by: J - on what you're asking Swedish. I'm not exactly sure what you're seeing but if I'm correct, you're seeing a connection ( specifically ) between distraction and appearing arrogant? I remember times my parents would both get irritated or outright angry with me. What I remember in context, they'd be trying to talk with me and I'd be in my head off in another world. When they finally got my attention, they were already mad. If asked, "why do you do that!!" ...I'd say something like, " I don't know? It's just...>>> on Forum topic - Distraction looking like arrogance
- by: J - In the five years I was living alone like a hermit...that experience taught me a few things. Withdrawing completely from social interaction and living in solitude teaches you things you might not normally learn about yourself. One of these being....the things that are most important. What I learned was: it wasn't sex, or anything else like that I missed most. Not even the loneliness got to me after a while. It was the human connection I missed most of all. That to me, was the one thing I found most...>>> on Forum topic - Suppressed Anger From the Past
- by: J - Thank you for your kind words, its nice to know there's a place to go for support when you need it, and yes, getting rid of past anger is very freeing. It feels good to know how to deal with something that is negatively affecting when you actually knowing what it is? Knowing what, is the first step I think? As far as the sex situation, I'm finding that a little more difficult to deal with. It's much easier to live without sex when you have no one to have sex with if that makes sense? It's much harder when...>>> on Forum topic - Suppressed Anger From the Past
- by: Catterfly - You describe what I also felt for a long time so eloquently. The deciding factor for me to leave (2 months ago now!) was the realization that not only was he likely incapable of change in some key areas, he was also choosing not to in areas that were under his control. Bottom line: it would never get better and I had to choose a better life for myself. Ironically he's done much better since I left. He's finally communicating, putting in effort around the house I'm no longer in, and remembering the...>>> on Forum topic - In the void of the comorbidity
- by: Swedish coast - This triple difficulty is what I've faced too in my ex. It's debilitating. I got the impression he couldn't really change anything. He was aware, well aware, of the crisis in our relationship, how unhappy I was. Yet knowledge made no difference. He spent all his free time in our home. Still he managed to ignore and avoid the very obvious problems. I'm to this day not sure if it was pure incapacity, or partly arrogance. After divorce he pretends he has no psychiatric issues. That is to recreate his self-...>>> on Forum topic - In the void of the comorbidity
- by: BeyondConfused - I think it's great that you were able to have this dream where you were able to release and let go of some of that anger. It sounds like you were able to reflect on the past some and let go of some past hurts. I'm sorry you went through this experience with your ex-wife. Infidelity is painful to go through. It also sounds like you had a good conversation with your SO about things which is always helpful. As for her libido, and the lack of sex, that has got to be frustrating. I am a high drive...>>> on Forum topic - Suppressed Anger From the Past
- by: adhd32 - What is he doing about his condition? If nothing, tell him what you wrote here. Tell him you are considering moving on unless he gets serious about his mental health. You are not his caregiver. His mental health and other issues are his to work on. Sometimes the possibility of an ADDer's support system going away will spark something in them to get help. Sometimes not. Think about what message you are sending to your child when you overfunction and hubby does nothing. Don't rationalize the reasons...>>> on Forum topic - In the void of the comorbidity
- by: J - not being balanced in the first place? I mean, ADHD is a chemical imbalance and an imbalance in other functions going from one extreme to another: emotional disregulation and behaviors, insecure attachments....anything you can name, has to do with imbalance. And speaking about your soon to be ex-partner....not taking meds to help you stay balanced...a correction to that chemical imbalance in the brain. I'm glad to hear your taking measures to get yourself back on track. It sounds like your doing the very...>>> on Forum topic - "That's Just ADHD" vs. Enabling
- by: Recently Diagno... - Thank you x we are working the the adhd relation audiobook and both disucssing parts. Ive stopped checking his phone because, really, its not helping my mental health and I've said to him that if the show was on the other foot, he would absolutely not agree with me texting another person. He has been "better" since we started listening to the book but I'm taking it with a pinch of salt. We shall see what happens but I am now less naive and considering ALL of my options. Thank you for the advice and...>>> on Forum topic - Trust has gone
- by: BeyondConfused - Yep. I think I started with the best of intentions. And with time, I allowed that balance to shift. And it ultimately cost me. But, I am learning from it at least. Even now with my partner, I am starting to take back some of my power and shift the balance towards the middle again. I am hoping that we will be able to remain amicable for the sake of our kids. I am unsure of how our couples counseling session is going to go. With him not taking his medication, I feel that he has become very unpredictable. Not...>>> on Forum topic - "That's Just ADHD" vs. Enabling
- by: J - I agree with the last thing you said about finding a healthy middle ground. Balance being the goal I think. I suppose balance is what a stable relationship is all about. In in my mind, I've got to be balanced if I'm going to bring my part of the equation into it. Bringing my best self into any relationship means me being balanced first and staying that way....a whole person by myself.>>> on Forum topic - "That's Just ADHD" vs. Enabling
- by: BeyondConfused - Thank you for clarifying this, I understand now. And this has been something I've been doing a ton of self-reflection on recently. I know my RSD comes into play in relationships and has caused issues in the past. I was in one healthy relationship where I was constantly worried and anxious that my partner would leave me. He would get annoyed and tell me off. It was me that left him because I realized that the dynamic wasn't healthy. With my ex-husband, there were warning signs that I missed. I wanted...>>> on Forum topic - "That's Just ADHD" vs. Enabling
- by: honestly - I'm sorry; this sounds horrible. It seems like your husband has a transactional attitude to the relationship, or af least that's what he communicates - rather than a loving, nurturing one, and that's always going to cause the relationship to be vulnerable. In my experience, people do sometimes have affairs in order to force their partner to act on a situation they themselves won't work to fix or to bring to closure. They make you do the emotional heavy lifting. It's a coward's way of ending things. In...>>> on Forum topic - Trust has gone
- by: BeyondConfused - Oh my goodness!! My heart broke reading this. But I am so happy to hear that your daughter is doing better now. I can't even imagine how awful and devastating that must have felt. I think that's the biggest thing right now. The way he has been around the kids has always been problematic. But I was able to make excuses for it most of the time. Or I kept thinking he would change and behave differently around them. We would go through phases where things would be better. And where with time, he was still...>>> on Forum topic - "That's Just ADHD" vs. Enabling
- by: BeyondConfused - Recently Diagnosed, I am so sorry that you had to experience this! My ex-husband also had an affair. And he blamed it on me. I was not aware that I had ADHD at the time, I didn't start suspecting that until I ended up with an ADHD partner. And then I got my diagnosis this month. And my absentmindedness, excessive talking, and struggle to keep on top of chores or have them done quickly, used to drive him crazy. But, that doesn't excuse an affair. Your husband knowingly lied to you and knowingly decided to...>>> on Forum topic - Trust has gone
- by: J - I think it may be easier to approach what I was saying from a different direction instead. I understand you're planning on leaving your spouse so this really isn't about him but more about your future. If I could go back in time and tell myself everything I know now....I would tell ( me ) to listen to what people were trying to tell me.After a number of relationships failing one after another, I began to realize that all these different people, who were not connected to each other in any way....seemed to...>>> on Forum topic - "That's Just ADHD" vs. Enabling
- by: dalanak - It feels like you've described my husband. Only we also have children. This is complete and utter self-destruction. Read about OTRS and Cassandra syndrome. We have all of this. I don't know what to do myself.>>> on Forum topic - Non Adhd Spouse Vent
- by: ToasterCoaster - I am curious what partners feelings are about the ADHD male reading erotic stories. Because it is text, there are no actual women being objectified or victimized. However it is fantasizing about someone other than your spouse (even if it is fictional). Is this as hurtful to the spouse as pornographic videos or images? Is it less hurtful but still painful? I would really like to know what women think about this.>>> on Blog entry - 9 Reasons Porn Hurts
- by: BeyondConfused - That's just it. The trust is gone. I've been married and divorced already. I spent years trying to work on that marriage and ended up just becoming a shell of myself. And I compromised my moral compass so many times to try and make it work. I had promised myself that if I ever ended up in another scenario where a relationship broke down, that I would do all that I could to try and repair a marriage, but that I would know when it was time to walk away. I'm not the person I want to be right now. I'm...>>> on Forum topic - "That's Just ADHD" vs. Enabling