Recent Comments
- by: Catisamom - Is there a reason why the link was removed? I'd really like to read this article if I could find it. Thanks.>>> on Forum topic - Exhausted & Resentful of ADHD Husband!!!
- by: Swedish coast - It's good advice. It's perhaps not depression, I do enjoy things profoundly in between bouts of pain and do a lot of mindfulness exercises. At work I like to joke and connect with dozens of co-workers and new clients every day. It's just this private sense of not belonging. It's been like this for more than a decade, thinning out. I put everything I had into the family. Now the family is broken. Maybe it's like many of our forum friends have said wisely: it will take more time to restore life after...>>> on Forum topic - Social energy
- by: J - you're depressed. I know that's stating the obvious but for me, there's one sure fire way to lift myself out of depression and that's through and daily excersise routine. It's far more effective than antidepressants or any other form of medication. In fact, since I started back on Adderall/Wellbutrin...I've lost 10lbs. Ten more pounds and I'll be back to my ideal body weight and I already feel better. Just today, I started my exercise routine using a rowing machine. I just got up and did it, I made the...>>> on Forum topic - Social energy
- by: J - .>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: c ur self - You're description is one of a narcissist...(controlling, self centered, and demands they are right, when they are dead wrong!) Many people who have adhd will also have other traits when diagnosed...Narcissist's will look for partners (whether consciously or not) who are weak in standing up for themselves (people pleasing types) and their opinion's...There is not enough room on that throne for two...They have to have a subservient spouse/life partner....My Dad was one (passed away now)...I don't have to...>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: Catterfly - That's called gaslighting, honestly! So many of us have been there, and it's so so detrimental to mental health - and physical health as well! Whether it's done deliberately or not is irrelevant to the impact to you. I finally recognized that my husband wasn't willing to look at his own behaviour or his impact on the rest of the family. I left a month ago. I now have to sell our house, move to a new town and potentially away from our support systems, and almost start over financially. But my health...>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: J - for clarifying the parent child dynamic and what it's referring to. That was my understanding as well. I've felt like I've been doing a very good job of holding up my end of the household chores and there really has been no conflict in that area. When I tried to approach that topic with my SO, she pretty much shut down any continued conversation in that area but not before I had a chance to make an appeal to her that if there was anything else I could do, I'd be more than willing to make sure she wasn't...>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: honestly - very interesting- thanks!>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: honestly - That sounds right- mythology- and it messes with my head! I feel like I'm on such unstable ground all the time. It's like a worse, more intense version of not being heard. I feel like my understanding of reality is invalidated. I feel like I almost don't exist anymore.>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: J - Mike doesn't know what his feelings are Swedish? That then, becomes the real problem doesn't it? As I was telling him, you've got to know what your feelings are first. If that's the case, then therapy is in order I'd say. I suppose, if you really do know what you're feeling and you don't say so...that again, is a different issue.>>> on Forum topic - I want to talk about the hard stuff but just…can’t
- by: Catterfly - Hi honestly, Parent/child to me is about who does the chores without having to be asked or reminded, and who has the big picture of the house management? My husband's behaviour is the same as what you describe. There's a lot of built up mythology in our relationship that I was the needy one, or the one who was wrong, when in reality I was seeking his emotional support (and would get nastily thwarted), or was seeking to resolve a conflict which would result in RSD. What you describe sounds like ADHD...>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: J - Being with someone who has ADHD has been a real learning experience for me. Simply put, I experience what must be the same as a Non-ADHD person experiences on the receiving end now. And my first immediate reaction is...."do I do that?". And many times it's yes but maybe just as many it's no which can be confusing at times? Since, we're all unique people in our own way, it goes to figure not all our behaviors will be the same. But there are the stereotypical things that ADHD people tend to do as a whole and...>>> on Forum topic - I want to talk about the hard stuff but just…can’t
- by: Swedish coast - It's so sad that you feel you need to hide your feelings and can't be your true self in the relationship. I'm so sorry. As non-ADHD, I've had this hiding behavior in my ex husband too. When it finally became clear he hadn't been honest with me, about his thoughts and opinions and emotions, I was devastated. Please try to tell her the truth. It may give both of you a chance at saving the relationship. And if it's not possible to save it, at least she doesn't have to realize too late her life has been...>>> on Forum topic - I want to talk about the hard stuff but just…can’t
- by: Swedish coast - Since you write he's scared, shut down, terrified. It looks a lot like a dynamic where he feels criticized and it hurts his self-esteem. In my experience it's not the intentions of the non-ADHD partner that determine if the ADHD partner feels challenged like this. It's perhaps just that a non partner with an undiagnosed ADHD spouse will have non expectations. Expectations that are only what you ask of yourself. These expectations may feel threatening to an ADHD spouse, since they're impossible for them....>>> on Forum topic - Help me understand as the non-ADHD spouse
- by: J - Hi Honestly, I could not come close to explaining this concept better than an article I just found. This is way above my pay grade! Having said that, I recognized self righteousness as the ongoing theme in things you said but in particular...the term "cult leader". The article I'll include, sounds very much like what you described. It also didn't come right out and say it, but it perfectly described some of these TV Televangelists who clearly ( at least to me ) are doing it for the huge amounts of money...>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: J - You're in a tough situation, one I've been in before. When ever I've lead with " What's Wrong?"...it's never ended with a very productive conversation. I try not to say anything, instead of "what's wrong" when that's all I've got. You're basically asking another person what they're feeling in a moment when they may not be feeling anything? Or just going off the look on they're face if it's sour or they're not happy looking. Who knows, maybe they're hot and gassy and uncomfortable and now they're hit with "...>>> on Forum topic - I want to talk about the hard stuff but just…can’t
- by: mike1112014 - Yeah I think my point was misunderstood. I do t pick at my wife by criticizing I ask what's wrong until she finally brings up something she didn't wanna talk about right now or was trying to let slide. criticism in my relationship is unidirectional, I don't criticize my wife and she does criticize me, tho not unfairly. I'm incapable of participating in a real back and forth like that because I get physically weak at the idea of confrontation with her. I think she will leave me and I will be left with...>>> on Forum topic - I want to talk about the hard stuff but just…can’t
- by: honestly - Thank you, Swedish. It helps to hear that. It does sound quite similar to my situation. X>>> on Forum topic - Are there other dynamics than Parent/Child?
- by: Swedish coast - I think about you Off the Roller ❤️>>> on Forum topic - the inconsideration...my lord
- by: soloequestrian - I'm not sure why I would need to challenge his self esteem?>>> on Forum topic - Help me understand as the non-ADHD spouse