Hi I am new here, finally I have a site where I can read about the same struggles I experience.  

My partner is smart and puts all his energies into his job and playing on his ipod and computer.  We have two children, one has Asperger's syndrome and is lots and lots of work.  My partner is undiagnosed because any problems are my fault and because he limits what he does ie. very little housework, he plays with the kids but does nothing that takes care of a responsibility etc. If I ask or remind him of a responsibility, he gets angry.  I have written out lists of responsibilities which he does for about a week or less and then the item is neglected again.  What I can't take is that he leaves everything for me to do in order to protect himself and what others think of him and has absolutely no problem letting others think that its me that is unorganized, late etc.  He is a master at implying that its me that is the problem.  When we had two days where there was no arguing because he actually helped, then it was in his words because I wasn't picking fights.  If he cooperates, there isn't any tension, things go smoothly.  I did back off like some of the advise here says but my partner is happy as can be to leave EVERYTHING (including yard work) for me to do. Sometimes he decides to help but not often.  He takes care of his clothes and his job. period.  Then I get exhausted, we loose friends because it only takes a couple of interactions with our family to see the chaos.  My husband has no problem blaming me for the problems ie. lateness disorganization having to buy things (camera, tools) because he looses everything.  Our finances are constantly in shambles because he does things with them with no communication with me.  Just in the last couple of days he applied our tax refund to the lowest interest credit card despite what common sense has to say, when I asked about it, he says Oh ya, I forgot.  He does not communicate. He just acts. I have begun separating my life from his in the past year because I am sick of being blamed.  I think that I am his excuse, if he can get people to think its me and that I make family dinner and shop, do housework etc etc, then he preserves his own respect and integrity with others, while living in a house where the work gets done.  I don't know that I am loved or respected.  I am about to go on a weeks vacation with some girlfriends and our kids.  I need to be able to go to single moms groups because that is where I fit the best. I am going to be seeing a therapist that we both saw a while ago and the therapist totally gets that he blames me.  My partner denies that the therapist thought anything was wrong with him.  Is there any way of addressing this blaming and not taking responsibility, or do I just need to divorce him so others can see how dysfunctional he is?  He has convinced his family that it is me that is the problem, no one really knows him. He never acknowledges any problems.  He has told me that if I file for divorce that he will try to make it out like its my problem.  The only saving grace would be asking the court to do testing on him.  A psychologist sent his family some assessments and they wrote, "I don't remember" on them.  The psychologist said, there is no way to tell if he has ADD, so now he says, "I was tested and its negative"  I would be terribly sad if he allows this to get to the point of divorce.  Any suggestions?  Missy

I have been diagnosed with ADD for 8 years. I just finished watching the Dr. Phil Show and Dr. Hallowell mentioned how ADD can be actually beneficial for career. My problem is, I do not seem to be able to stick to long to one work. I learned in a bank for 2 years, then quit there to go and do university studies. In the six years I studied I was also getting my diagnose - I changed three times the subjects I studied and finished with a master in political science and a minor in history. After that, I got selfemployed with a little mailorder, which went to bancrupcy, unfortunately. Currently, I am working as a wellness massage therapist. Now we will leave next year from Germany to the States and I am thinking about yet studying for a new career with an online programme, to have something that is actually of help in the States to find a job.

Are there any ressources out there that can help me chose a subject that is actually ADD-friendly? What careers do other women work in that got the ADD diagnose? I love to work with people and got great empathic and social skills. Maybe somebody can point me a direction how to find out what I would actually like to do the future years; maybe a book or a website or some other ressource that could help me evaluate what I am good in? If something is not diverse and captures me I drop it very fast. Thank you for any help, Sonja

I have a daughter that is in college and doesn't know that she is ADD. My husband was diagnosed two years ago and finally faced the fact 4 months ago after I told him I was going to leave if he didn't do something. Now that we know was is wrong I can see it in our daughter and can relate to the problems we had raising her in her teen years. We have very little communication she doesn't have time for us or for friends because she doesn't have time. She has many of the same traits as her father. I can remember her sitting in her room and telling her to clean it up I could go back later 10 minutes or an hour and nothing would be done. I asked her why and she would say I don't know where to start. My husband is the same way in the garage he doesn't know where to start. I would like to know how we get her help without causing more problems or at least making her aware that she does have some of the same symptoms. She will be devastated by this information .

I am the wife of an ADHD spouse.  He was diagnosed about 3 years ago and started taking Adderall at that time.  About 4 months ago I told him I wanted a separation after 10 years of being together, 7 married and 3 before that.  The thing is, he is taking medication and now he wants to get counseling, yet I wanted to get marriage counseling 3 years ago.  He turned me down and got angry because nothing was wrong with him.  We have a small child, 4 years old.  I guess I'm just to the point that I don't want to try anymore.  The only reason I think I would stay with him is because I know that he truly loves me and our son.  Yet, if he has been ADHD the entire time we have been together, did I ever really fall in love with him?  From day one since we have been together, he has had trouble holding down a position, I was always the one taking care of the bills, the checking account and having the steady income.  Also, he has always played upon my desire to make people happy to get things, by pouting or getting angry.  He exaggerates his stories to make himself look important but usually people pick up on the fact that he is 'bs' ing them.  I think I just stayed with him because of his promises that things would get better.  I know I was naive and passive, but that is my personality. 

He says that he has changed, yet he picked a terrible time to start job searching in this economy. Plus, he hasn't done anything for a resume or applications that I've seen.  The other thing is, that I've been seeing someone else for about 2 months now.  I never, never, never, ever thought in a million years that I would be the type of person to 'cheat' or have an affair, yet, here I am.  I don't like myself for doing this, yet I feel that 10 years is enough time for him to 'change' and become the husband and father that he can be.  If he has, I'm glad for him and that will make him a better father and a future husband for someone else.  I'm just at the point that I feel, if I can have an affair, it is already to late.  I think that he suspects something, yet, I've never come right out and said that I'm seeing someone.  I just don't want to hurt him that way.  Plus, I feel that he would just say that the only reason I'm want a divorce is because of this other person.  I asked for this before I started seeing him, not that that makes it ok, I know it is wrong.  Yet, I've been telling him for years that I wasn't happy.  He really wants to try again, yet what about the other hundreds of 'second chances' I gave him?  Why should I put more time into this just to make him happy?  But again, why wouldn't I want to try if I really loved him?  I truly don't think I want to be dealing with his ADHD for the rest of our marriage.  I look at it as a disease, like being a drug addict or alcoholic, this is always a chance for relapse.  If he has to retrain his mind to think differently, couldn't it revert back?  Why should I be the one who has to remind him, redirect him and be the 'bitch'?  He has mentioned that life without me and our son is not an option, so then I feel that he is trying to guilt me into staying with him...more head games.  I really just don't know if I'm crazy or sane!!  I'm so resentful towards him, I'm just hopeless, and I don't believe his promises any more.  I know people will rip on me for cheating on him but I'll ask anyway, any words of advice?