I spend a lot of time helping non-ADD spouses understand how to interpret their ADD husband’s actions (or, more frequently, inactions – a word I use without judgment.) I think it’s time to write a piece for the ADD male about what non-ADD women want.
Many on this site have asked for my husband's ideas and opinions. What's it like to have a non-ADD wife? How did you come to terms with what ADD symptoms affect your marriage? George has agreed to answer your questions here...but to keep him from being on the hook forever, I'm asking that you send your questions now (respond to this post) and up until May 23. Then we'll let him get back to his own life!
I had a quick lesson yesterday in just how easy it is to fall back into old patterns when you are working to overcome anger and resentment. But my day was also a reminder about what it takes to keep those emotions under control, so I thought I would share it with you.
There are a number of posts in our forum from non-ADD spouses who would like to blame their ADD spouses for the troubles in their marriages. I personally think “blame” should be considered a 4-letter word that is banned from all marriages. The fact of the matter is that we are all responsible for the state of our relationships. Or, to paraphrase Newton’s laws of motion, “for every action, there is a reaction”.
I was just reading a post in the forum area from a woman sharing her experiences with how much using the word AND has improved her life with her sons and husband. I thought it was an interesting and positive idea that more would like to read about, so I link to it here.
When one partner has ADHD, it can be tempting for the other partner to micromanage their behavior. However, it is much easier to look at your own behavior than to try and "fix" someone else.
If you have both a spouse and a child with ADD, there are some important differences between how you will naturally want to interact with them – differences that can really hurt your relationship with your spouse if you aren’t aware of them.
One of our readers commented on his experiences with vastly improving memory since his diagnosis of ADD, so I went to Dr. Hallowell to ask him – does ADD affect memory? His response was typical Hallowell in the very best sense:
I’ve been trying to think about whether to write about my mother’s recent death in this blog, and decided I would share some thoughts with my readers, whom I am coming to think of as long-distance friends. Death, of course, makes you think about what is important in life.
I am reading the posts of a woman who is about to get married to a man whom she adores who happens to have ADD. She is frustrated and confused by his inability to pay attention to wedding planning. This seems like a great time to elaborate upon what lack of focus means for people with ADD – and for their spouses.
