So another Christmas and birthday with no recognition from my husband. I always tell him I don't want anything for Christmas (because I really don't want THINGS) and I tell him to just take me out for a nice night. He said "Well I plan on doing that for your birthday, which is the day after Christmas, but what do you want for Christmas?" He says it's not fair that he told me what he wanted but I wont' tell him. finally I sit down and I come up with some things for him. All experiences, like concerts, plays, spa gift card, night at a nice resort and I show him the list. He looks at the list and goes 'Well I would be really uncomfortable at a country concert" I was like fine then forget that. There were several other things on the list. Well Christmas morning I get up and say Merry Christmas and he says the same back to me and then says "You don't have anything to open". I say "Well you do" He goes "At least I have someone who loves me". Well I got him a $200 heater for the garage that he wanted and $75 slippers. He tells me "Well we'll go out for a nice dinner this weekend." Yes, like you said for my BIRTHDAY! This is Christmas! You know what? If you had just accepted that I didn't want anything that would have been fine, but you INSISTED that I come up with something. Then you look it over and think that there's nothing on there you really want to do with me so you get me nothing! Do you know how that makes me feel? Especially when you tell me "Oh my mom, sister and stepmom got my gift baskets on time". Really?! Three people who you complain about all the time and never talk to and yet you get them gifts and you spend an extra $10 per basket to make sure they get there on time! I didn't want to spend $200 on a heater that I knew you'd barely use, but yet I got that for you. But you can't take a few hours out of a night and go to a concert with me? I went to a Metallica concert with you and was WAY out of my comfort zone! I go to your race days and am bored out of my mind but you get upset if I don't go. I dealt with your mom staying with us for a week who drove us up a wall. I just allowed you to keep 5 kittens from your mom when we only agreed to 2. And still you can't get me even a small thing??! Not even a spa gift card?

Oh and this was great too. I tell him Christmas morning that I want to go to this one bar tomorrow night. He goes "Oh is there a reason you want to go there?" Yes moron, it's my BIRTHDAY! It's like every year he tries to make my birthday the most miserable day of the year. I've always hated my birthday being the day after Christmas. I never had a party and it never really felt like a birthday. Now I've got him not even saying Happy Birthday to me or treating me special. By the way he didn't even tell me happy birthday until 11PM on my birthday when we returned form the bar and he was drunk! We are sitting on the couch and he is on the laptop and he goes "Oh I am going to get this game on Amazon. It's only $40 compared to $80. Merry Christmas to me!". Just jab that knife in and turn it a bit why don't you! Am I really the least important person on your list? Apparently I'm below yourself!

Oh and I guess my "nice night out" was going to the bar I wanted to go to last night and buying drinks for anyone who showed up to hang out with us. So he bought me a couple of drinks and a $5 quesadilla at the bar! Oh but he spent $125 at the bar so of course he thinks that's a great present. I didn't ask you to buy everyone drinks! You bought drinks for one guy neither of us even like and didn't ask to come...he was just there.

Oh and the box with Christmas presents for his daughter still sits on our kitchen table waiting to be sent to her! Hmmm...mom, sister and stepmom = #1 priority. Me and his daughter = lowest priority!

Hello!

Let me start by apologizing for such a long post. This is the first time I've reached out for help on this forum. My husband wants to keep his ADHD a secret, which leaves me with not many places to turn for help, so thank you for any insight.

My husband has not officially been diagnosed with inattentive ADHD, but he has been trying different treatments for about the last 6 months (with the guidance of a therapist and a doctor). He has anxiety, and the lack of progress in treating the anxiety alone for 2 years led to the consideration of ADHD by his therapist. My husband admitted that he has always felt he has ADHD, especially as a child, and his doctor agreed to give him medication despite not believing him or the therapist. The therapist gave us a few recommendations for medications to ask the doctor about, and told him to avoid stimulants as they tend to make anxiety worse (which is consistent with most things I've read). 

First the doctor prescribed Wellbutrin. While it seemed to help his anxiety, it did not seem to help his ADHD symptoms. He stopped taking it after 1 month.

Next the doctor gave him a trial pack of Strattera. Even by the end of the 1 month trial, my husband's ADHD symptoms seemed to be improving. When my husband got a full prescription of the 80mg Strattera, he discovered that the medication was beginning to make him nauseated after taking it some days, even when taking it with food. He also felt that the medication was making him a bit depressed. I'm not sure if he's actually feeling depressed or if it's one of the downsides of having treated ADHD. Before treatment he was always able to bounce back from an argument almost instantaneously (one of the benefits of ADHD, not focusing on it for long), but with treatment it seems to take him longer to get past any hurt or sad feelings.

He stopped taking the medication after a while and tried to pursue more natural treatments (excercise, diet, fish oil, etc), but he was unable to establish a consistent routine and ended up not really doing any treatment at all. At that point, we agreed that he would go back on the medication just long enough for him to be able to get into a good routine with the natural treatments, and then he could try going off of the Strattera. That never happened. And he stopped going to therapy. So, he kept taking the Strattera, but the nausea was getting worse. Since he was feeling sick on the 80mg dose, he set up an appointment with his doctor to ask if he could try a lower dose in hopes that the nausea would go away.

Instead of seeing his doctor, he ended up seeing her nurse practitioner. She decided that the nausea was a sign of an allergy (my medical background leads me to disagree), and told him he needs to try a stimulant. She prescribed him Ritalin. He hasn't started it yet, but I'm very nervous about what it could do to his anxiety. In addition, I'm not sure that a stimulant is the best choice because work is the one area of his life on which his ADHD has NOT had a negative impact. Therefore he would not need the medication during the day, but he would need it in the evening, thus running the risk of interfering with his sleep.

So, if you made it through that long background story, here are my questions:

Do any of you have experience with Strattera and nausea? If so, did a lower dose help?

Any experience with Ritalin and comorbid anxiety?

FYI, I have been requesting that my husband find a new doctor with more experience in the area of ADHD (and that actually listens to him and prescribes the correct dosages), but we also struggle with a parent/child dynamic, so I'm trying to let him handle it without getting overly involved. He doesn't seem to think this doctor is that big of a problem.

My husband and I have been married for 6 years.  He adopted my 2 kids in 2011.  Like most couples we have had our ups and downs.  Both of us were married previously.  I have 2 kids, he has 1.  Our individual history is very complicated and confusing.  But, basically, I have been in therapy for almost 2 years.  I am working through Complex PTSD, Dissociative Depersonalization Disorder & Major Depression.  My first marriage lasted for 11 years and was abusive.  My kids do remember some of the abuse; they are 13 & 15 today.  My current husband has been supportive to the best of his ability.

My husband's first marriage was also abusive (his wife towards him verbally) and ended in a very bad divorce when his son was 2.   Up until August 2014, his ex-wife had physical custody of his son & we had weekend visitations with some holidays.  The son was used as a pawn to control whatever she wanted; visitation, pick-ups, drop-offs, etc.  She tormented my husband and my husband carries an enormous amount of guilt for not being able to be with his son as a father should.

 During our marriage (myself and current husband) we have always struggled with different views on discipline, decision-making and overall parenting.  We are one of those many couples who failed to discuss parenting BEFORE we married.  Over the years, my husband felt like the "family" was not a "family" unless his son was with us.  This meant we did not see a movie unless it was his weekend for his son to visit; we did not eat at the dinner table unless his son was with us, etc.  It began to feel like our lives were on hold; completely dependent on if his son was with us or not and that depended on if my husband's ex-wife would allow his son to visit.

My kids left the home about 2 months ago. There was an event that set this into motion, but it was not the root cause of our current situation. 

Why did I decide to go?  Several reasons:  1.  unequal treatment (especially discipline) between the step-son and my 2 kids; my 2 "lived with us and knew better, the step-son did not".  There were excuses or exceptions provided as to why one child would not get in trouble and the others would. 

2.  Lots of yelling, name calling, accusing and demanding by both my husband and step-son toward each other and us.  Typically, things were someone else's fault according to my husband as well as my step-son. 

3. Neither my husband nor step-son took responsibility for their actions.  They were more like "bullies" than family members. 

Today, my husband and step-son both have been evaluated by a psychiatrist; my husband ADHD & depression, step-son-severe anxiety or maybe low end Bipolar.   Each has started medication to help.  I am not sure if either is participating in individual therapy, although I think my husband will be soon.  We have begun Family Therapy (only me, my husband and my 2 kids; therapist suggests to wait to add in my step-son).

  Obviously, the idea of Family Therapy is to get the family back together.  We have major roadblocks and I am seeking advice, help, prayers, anything. 

I don't know why, but I have begun to have major panic attacks around my step-son, around my husband and even when talking about them.  Therefore, I can't return to the family home until I am able to resolve this.

My 13 yr daughter is fearful of verbal abuse and fearful of my step-son's intimidation.  She does not feel safe unless she is physically next to me.  She is suffering with moderate depression

My 15 yr old son is simply "done".  He says that he has tried and tried and tried; no results, nothing changes.  He is sick of always having to "deal with it" and "not having a choice".  He currently refuses to participate in any family therapy.  He is very angry.  (He still has anger & resentment from his biological father.)

I understand how to work through my issues as I have been and continue to be in therapy. 

What I don't know is HOW IN THE WORLD to convince my children to try again.  I believe that my husband is making a very serious effort to admit and address his wrong doings.  He is actively working to change.  I feel like if God is working in his heart,than anything is possible.

I don't know where my step-son is in this process, but I am told he too is making efforts.

I will not leave my children (we are staying with my  mom) and I will not force them to go home if they are not ready.  However, there is a reason why my husband acted the way he acted.  He is actively seeking help and learning new ways.  There are now guarantees in life, but how might I be able to soften my children's heart to allow my husband to at least try?  My son won't text, call, see or speak to my husband.  My daughter might respond to a text, but not without talking to me first because she is scared.

What do families do who have hurt and are too scared of more hurt?  How does a parent convince a child to try again?  How long is to long or what is to short in "waiting"?

Throughout all of this, I have never stopped loving or believing in my husband.  I have always believed God put him in my life.  Maybe, it was the other way around?  Who knows.  Either way, I am desperate to follow God's guidance and do His will.  I just don't know what that is yet. 

Just wondering if other people have this issue.  My spouse was diagnosed with add as an adolescent and has been on stimulant medication  for many years.  However he does not take it as prescribed.  He regularly takes extra doses, sometimes to get more work done, sometimes due to feelings do depression on top of addiction to the high that comes with abusing stimulants.  To make up for this, he has to skip days. he claims to need days off from his meds in order to relax anyway   Almost every month he runs out of his meds before the refill date, sometimes 5+ days.  We have many issues, and these days are the worst for both of us.  He has amplified adhd symptoms, plus withdrawal, and this on top of other relationship issues leads to angry outbursts, fighting, crying, etc.  we are planning on starting couples therapy and I would like to be able to bring this up, but he is worried that a therapist would contact his doctor, and that his doctor would stop prescribing his meds as a result.  We both agree that this would be a disaster for both our relationship and his career.  Has anyone else dealt with this, personally, or as a family member?