Recent forum posts (all topics)

  • Projects by: crossingfingers... 11 years 6 days ago

    My bf gets excited about various projects and doesn't see them through; I understand this and it doesn't bother me too much. Something I am having difficulty understanding is how sometimes he becomes interested in a strange project and suddenly it's a priority. For example, lately he has decided that building a wine rack for his car (you read that correctly) is a priority. He has a large subwoofer and tinted windows in this '97 wagon, and I know part of the appeal of such a ridiculous project is simply that--it's ridiculous. (It would be in the floor compartment of the trunk, which he can lock.) My bf is newly an attorney, I think this is one of his less than wise ideas. Never mind the fact that he is living in three different places right now to get to his job (his cousins', which is closest to work, my place, and his parents' place where all of his stuff is) and is overwhelmed with things like commuting, making sure he has clothes, and planning meals. I asked him why he wants a wine rack in his car, and he said because it would make him happy. When I asked why, he told me that he "is crazy and does crazy things sometimes." He also said that "it's never a bad time to have a trunk full of booze." Oh really? I can think of a few scenarios. He was not a drinker at all until law school, when he started hanging out with some people (non-law school) who party too hard and are a bad influence. Also, alcoholism and a penchant for Manhattans runs in his family. He has pulled back on the partying and I'm not too worried, but I wonder if he wants to make his car so outrageous so he can be thought of as cool (he has always struggled with fitting in). If not, it makes even less sense to me.

    I am stumped... he has had some irrational ideas before, but I don't get this one at all. I know he likes to be "obnoxious" for its own sake because it amuses him, and usually me, but this idea is confusing to me. Oh and he wants a train horn for the car, which I'm pretty sure is illegal. Does anyone else's spouse or significant other come up with similar wild projects?

  • Can someone explain hyperfocus? by: tgirl 11 years 6 days ago

    So on this forum I have heard the term, "hyperfocus" regarding how romantic adhd partners can be at the start of a relationship. Does this mean that their romantic acts are not fueled by actual love but by there Adhd? Or are they in love when they are romantic but their adhd just makes them show it more? What makes this different than your typical relationship "honeymoon" stage and "comfortable" stage. Every relationship has a honeymoon stage at first and then people get comfortable. How is hyperfocus different than that and how different is it from other relationships when it goes away? 

  • Happy 4 year Anniversary by: RoadtoRecovery 11 years 6 days ago

    Tomorrow will be our 4 year anniversary. I never dreamed we would be spending it apart and under these conditions. No matter what has happened and how far apart we are, I am still completely in love with my wife and only want her to be happy and to find some help to get through some of her own issues. I pray for her and our daughter every day and hope that one day she can come to realize how deeply I will always love her. Tomorrow will be a hard day...

  • 3 years and the same fights..;.need help on this one please...very confuse... by: lovehurtsalotwi... 11 years 1 week ago

    It's been 3 years with my spouse and the fights are about the same things over and over again.Things would be fine for a few weeks sometime a month not even and then he would do something most of the time to start fights,example:he has these constant mood swings,i guess the fights is about me not living with him and his acceptance towards this could never change to the fact that i work from home, raise my kids from home and so on.It's been like this for the most part of our relationship and he can't accept this at all.When we have an argument he would text me the same things over and over again example:he needs a mature woman,he needs someone at nights etc etc ect..

    It's very frustrating and now he started seeing someone else behind my back.I saw a text message on his phone that he forgot to delete. Last Tuesday we had a big fight concerning a burning in my urine that i wanted to get checked out and instead of being supportive or loving he said i am accusing him of giving me an STD which i did not.One reply i got from another post i have up is that i should have gotten tested without telling him and then get the results after then confront him,but i think his reaction would have been the same.So last Tuesday dated on his phone the same said date we had that fight concerning my doctors check up was a text message on his phone he sent to someone saying"meeting you tonight''.

    I think he is suffering in his own way in this relationship and i feel very sorry that i can't live with him but does this give him the right to cheat on me? i don't even know how to address this now after all the police reports i made from the last threats,his reactions from the STD he may have given to me,which came back negative but his reactions to this sold him out,one person says he is pissed i accused him first without finding out for sure but i never told him anything about the STD and this have me very confuse.I think that he has been cheating on me about a month now after he started losing interest in me and started going out a lot at nights saying he is at the casino.

    I don't know how to go about handling this,I really want him to ne happy and so do i want to be happy and if he starts cheating then he is not happy which tells me that this relationship is at it's breaking point.I want to end it but i am afraid that if i don't have solid enough evidence he is going to make me feel like i am going mad...he always does..i did not tell him that i am aware of this and i dont know how,any advice here would be greatly appreciated...

    lovehurts...

  • Would you go back in time and Break up with your Adhd man? by: tgirl 11 years 1 week ago

    so I have been reading a lot of these posts and it seems kind of depressing and hopeless. Probably because I am in the Anger and Frustration Forum. But still, it seems like there are a lot of people in a lot of pain because they are with an adhd partner. I have a question. If you were to go back in time, would you break up with ur adhd spouse when they were just your bf. Why? If not, why not? I am a twenty year old woman who has been dating an adhd man for over 2 years. I love him but I would be lying if I said we didn't have more problems than the average couple. We do. But I love him, and many times we are able to overcome obstacles. But our relationship can be very intense. I would also be lying if i said all of our problems are his fault. What would you tell your younger self at this point of the game? What should I look out for before deciding to marry him? Should I just leave now? What are signs I should be wary of? Please let me know. Thanks. 

  • I'm Leaving this Site by: tgirl 11 years 1 week ago

    So, if by some strange chance anyone reads this I just want to say that I am very disappointed with this site.  I have posted two topics that I could really use advice on and I have gotten zero response..zilch..nada. I feel like I am talking to empty space. I thought this site would help but its not. If i had more experience in this area i would reply to each and every topic, but i don't. I just need help as a young girl new to dealing with an adhd partner. I thought people here who had marriage and or counseling experience would help. But instead I get no replies. This is useless. I think you all need to look at what this site means to u. If you have experience and are choosing simply to write ur own thoughts while ignoring others who are new to this and might benefit from your life experience and insights, you r doing nothing. Its just plain selfish. Goodbye empty air in the internet.... 

  • So, when is it too much? by: tgirl 11 years 1 week ago

    So my bf of 2 and a half years has adhd. We have had some problems involving relationship intensity. Additionally he goes through things like anxiety, depression, and distraction that he says is because adhd. other than that though i can see myself possibly marrying this guy one day. the only thing is, when is blaming problems on adhd too much? what should be the line that i draw concerning unacceptable behavior with or without adhd? and also, is it ever okay to break up with someone because they have adhd? i don't want to be insensitive to his needs but i don't want him to be able to blame adhd for all of our problems. advice would be greatly appreciated 

  • ADHD partner emotionally cheated now wants time apart to figure things out by: Romana 11 years 1 week ago

    Me (28 year old female) and my partner (27 year old female) have been together for 6 years. She got diagnosed with ADD a few months ago and began medicine. A little background on us. As soon as we moved in together it was clear that something was different, she wasn't able to concentrate, get things done around the house and i pretty much was left to handle all the house hold duties. Me being a full time student and her working full time, I tried not to complain so much since I had a little more free time than her. It began to bug me and of course we started the cycle of me resenting her and mentally checking out of the relationship, following with her some what doing the same. About a month ago we got into an argument and I threatened to leave, she cried and said she didn't want to lose me and wanted to try therapy if I agreed. I told her if she made the appointment then I would go. She never did. Two weeks ago we had got into a fight because she came back home from her business trip acting very different. The same weekend of her business trip was the time when I had an AH HA moment, realizing I did want to try, therapy, rekindling the romance, and anything else to keep our relationship afloat. When she returned from the business trip acting different I confronted her about it. She denied anything was wrong, I gave her multiplet times to tell the truth and just be honest. A few days past and I just asked her " are you cheating on me?". She said no, then I told her that I wasn't stupid I know something going on. She then said she heavily flirted with someone while at the business event to the point where they felt comfortable enough to ask her out on a date. She said she realized it was wrong and shut them down and ended contact. I cried hard because one thing we had in our relationship was trust 100% trust and that was broken. I said I was leaving, when really I walked miles just to get my thoughts together. When returning home she called me to tell me she had left since I left and that she thought we needed some time apart or separation. I love her and she is everything I've ever wanted in a partner. I agree that all these years of fighting, we both deserve a little space but I can't help but feel she just wants to explore these new feelings. A week before she loved me and wanted to work things out, now after her flirt session she wants space and blames me entirely for not attending to her needs. What do I do?? To me, 6 years is a marriage, and I don't want to lose my marriage. Any advice???

  • Newly married and huge doubts by: january1984 11 years 1 week ago

    Me and my ADHD spouse have been married only a few months. He is currently taking medications for his ADHD and something to control his anger. We have had issues with ADHD before we got married and I had my doubts them too.  We fight all the time and though I wasn't the most mature, calm fighter in the beginning, I have improved. He is just plain rude. He tells me I'm lazy (I'm really not), he's called me names a husband shouldn't call his wife. Though he's never touched me, he tries to get me scared if him and I am when we fight. He blows up over the smallest things. I admit, I can sometimes try to be controlling around the house. Like the other day, he was cleaning and I was telling him how to clean (I know...not innocent) when he freaks out on me and yells at me to leave the room. I do and he proceeds to storm into the room I went to and says he is leaving the house.  He storms out and leaves our new puppy wondering the house. I assumed he had taken care of the dog and crated him. Basically, it was a obvious slap in the face to me not to. Also, our sex has decreased because I'm not interested. I'm assuming how he treats me leaves me with no desire. These blow outs happen usually once a week. They are really wearing on me and I'm wondering why we even got married. I'm a strong woman and independent, yet I feel like married someone I shouldn't have.  Our personalities are completely opposite.  Has anyone had similar issues and what did you do? I'm considering counseling.

  • My Boyfriend has ADHD HELP!! by: tgirl 11 years 1 week ago

    Hey so my boyfriend of 2 and a half years has Adhd. At first I didn't think it was a big deal and in all honesty I just thought it meant he just had a little more energy than most people. However, now certain things about his adhd really get to me and I don't know how to feel about them.  For example, he seems to have no filter.  He says whatever is on his mind and sometimes things he says can be hurtful. He's not a hurtful person but he just tells me things that most bf's wouldn't tell gf's. Like his sexual temptations, what he would rather be doing than talking to me, or personal details about his family or his past relationships.  A lot of the things he says really affect me.  It can also get annoying when he doesn't concentrate on what I say or when he forgets very sentimental details about our relationships.  We get into a lot of intense arguments. We are also in a long distance relationship so it can be harder to communicate over the phone. We see each other at least one weekend a month, and for winter/spring/ and summer vacations.  He recently got off aderol because he said it made him cranky and is taking a milder medication.  However, we just got into a fight because he had a fight with his parents.  He came to me when I was stressed and started complaining about his depression and his anxiety and I just wasn't ready for it.  He also has this habit of picking his face and it drives me crazy sometimes. 

    Despite all of this I love him like crazy and we have talked about getting married one day. There are a lot of things about him that I love and make me think he is the one. For example, he is very romantic and helps me when I am having problems.  He is very affectionate and forgiving and he can always make me laugh. I also have never met a man who wants to be a father as much as he does.  However, these problems that he says are caused by adhd worry me. It feels wrong to break up with someone because they have adhd, but then again I have to think about my future happiness. I guess I am scared that the intensity caused by adhd will only get worse and make me miserable.  

    I could really use some advice from people who know more about the subject.

    P.S- We are both 20 years old and he is my first bf 

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