Recent forum posts (all topics)

  • So I Left...HOW DO YOU DO THIS?? by: cbrooks123 11 years 7 months ago

    OK, so here I am, after all the craziness you may have read before(from "When You Have Been Hurt so Many Times", and in my mind, I had decided to leave, but had not gone through with it yet. One day, I was paying some bills, and he made a scathing remark about how we would not have to worry about money for bills if I had a "real job." This is after I just finished my second job, and he had not bothered to get the full-time job he had promised to. The hostility emanating from him was so thick, you could cut it with a knife, as had been the norm lately, and something in me just broke. I knew we could not go on like this.

    I finally just said "You won't have to worry about it anymore, because I'm leaving." This conversation began after a protracted and painful period of back-and-forth over "Should we end it or shouldn't we?" There were days when things were like old times with us- laughing, playing, inside jokes. More often than not, though, he seemed to be doing all he could to communicate that he would do exactly what he wanted, when he wanted, so get used to it. Never over the line, like cheating, but just being a jerky guy, like not bothering to come home, even if you went to the effort to make him dinner.

    So that day, I sat with him and we had the talk...we just don't work, our priorities are different, he wants what he wants, when he wants, and it does not matter if he promised me something, his priority was, basically, himself. I wasn't willing to be second priority to my husband. So, long story short, I packed all my belongings that could fit in my car, and drove across the country to my family's house, going on interviews the next day for jobs.

    So, new place, new people, hopefully, soon, new job, but here's the sucky part: I miss him. I miss our life. I saw his picture yesterday, and started bawling. I was ok for a bit, and I still am, here and there. But it feels like my life has been broken into shards of glass, and I am just in limbo, getting randomly cut, waiting for a life to start. Everything I knew is just...gone. How do you get through this? Anyone have any suggestions? We still have a joint account, until I get a new job and we can dismantle it, fyi, so we still have to have minimal contact about that. Also, I took our two beloved dogs, upon mutual agreement, and I have updated him on them. Also, he is supposed to be filing the divorce papers, since he still lives in our hometown, but he has not as of yet. He recently changed his profile picture on Facebook, but did not change his marital status...??
    cbrooks

  • My husband has ADD and now I have depression....help! by: unjoyfuljoy 11 years 7 months ago

    Hi....my husband and I have been married for 8 years and it has not been an easy road.  I knew he had ADD when we got married but never really understood or realized the severity of it until we had our daughter two years ago.  As soon as we came home from the hospital I was basically alone with her day and night and it was exhausting physically and emotionally. I needed his help....but he was unable to give it (saying that "his challenges" make it hard to do the things I need....which wasn't much to begin with).  I am an independent person, always have been, so I do not need a lot of "help" from him on a daily basis.  I handle all of our finances and am the handy person in our house.  But after having our daughter I truly needed his help for the first time and he could not see past himself to help me.  Never once did he wake up in the middle of the night.  He only took two days off work (the two days we were in the hospital).  Most of the time I never asked him to wake up with her, I figured I would let him sleep since he had to go to work.  But I see now that it let him off the hook for any responsibility with our child....or with me.  I would cry and tell him I needed him to just love me and he would look like a deer in the headlights.  Long story short- I fell into depression which has turned into me being pretty much hopeless in our marriage.  He says he wants to do what it takes to make it work but I am not seeing any action- only empty words and unfulfilled promises.  I am getting fed up.  I wish he would take me seriously when I tell him I am depressed and that I am exhausted in every possible sense of the word.  Has anyone been here?  What can I do?  I just feel so hopeless...

  • ADHD Spouse Refuses to Take Responsibility for Fights by: mannie 11 years 7 months ago

    I am a 25yo woman married to a man with ADD (he calls it ADD because he does not have the hyperactivity component). He was diagnosed as a child but did not start taking medication until college. We have been married for almost 2 years and our marriage is overall very happy. However, there is an issue in our relationship that has really taken a toll on both of us. Since I am new to this site, I am not sure if this problem has to do with ADD. So, I am wondering how much can be attributed to ADD and how much is my fault.

    The first issue is that our fights always follow the same pattern - a pattern that is very toxic for both of us and hurtful for me. First, I get upset about something that he has said or done. I tell him, as calmly as I can, that what he did bothered me. I'm sure I sometimes have anger in my voice, but I don't think I usually raise my voice at this stage. Then, he usually says that he can't see anything wrong with what he's done. One of his catch phrases is "Who cares?" Of course, I respond that I care. This continues for a little bit and the argument gets more heated. I have trouble backing off because I want him to understand why I'm upset, and I also hate leaving fights unresolved. In the end, he always explodes. He starts screaming at me in a really scary bellowing tone. He screams, "You wanted a fight, and now you've got one! You're never satisfied until I start screaming!" Inevitably, I start to cry and plead with him, trying to convince him that the last thing I wanted was a fight. He sometimes starts "smashing" things. For example, twice he has smashed his laptop shut, breaking the screen. He always screams at me to leave him alone, but (and this is probably my fault) I hate to leave fights unresolved, so I tell him that we need to talk it out calmly. He usually begins sulking and often tries to go to sleep, even if it's early in the evening. I absolutely hate the way he shuts down and goes to sleep like nothing is wrong! Meanwhile, I can't fall asleep for hours because I am so upset. If the fight is particularly big, his sulking can last for days. 

    The worst part about all of this is that whenever he explodes, I always end up apologizing for everything and pleading with him not to be mad at me. He refuses to take any responsibility for exploding. He claims that he never, ever gets angry unless it is in response to something I've done. He claims that he never initiates fights; instead, I always initiate fights and he defends himself until he can't anymore, and then he explodes. Therefore, I always end up taking the blame for everything, and he seems satisfied with this outcome and "forgives" me.

    A recent example involved a rotisserie chicken. While I was headed home from work, he called me and said he was at the grocery store. I said I wanted to cook chicken breasts for dinner and asked him to pick some up. Instead, he came home with a rotisserie chicken. I said, "You should have called me on your way home so I would have had the veggies ready." He didn't see why. I explained that if the veggies were ready, we could eat while the chicken was still hot. He said, "Who cares if the chicken is cold?" Well, I explained that I do! Then he said, "Well, I thought you were cooking chicken breast." Huh? He explained that he had also bought raw chicken breasts for me to cook. I couldn't understand why he would buy a rotisserie chicken and also expect me to cook chicken breasts! Then, while I started cooking, he started eating the rotisserie chicken. I got frustrated and asked him, "Which do you want - the rotisserie chicken or the chicken breast?" He insisted that he didn't care. I got angry at him for sending me mixed signals. I said that I just wanted to cook whatever he wanted and he should just be clear with me about what his plan is. Then, after some bickering, he exploded.

    I have tried talking to my husband about these fight dynamics. He insists that he goes through life completely happy - it's true that he has an unusually high level of happiness - until I find a reason to be mad at him. He thinks that I have a psychological need to fight, and therefore I pick fights for no reason whenever that need arises. 

    However, he has also claimed that fights are my fault when that connection is not close in time. For example, one subject that he has been hyperfocused on for years is diet and nutrition. Recently, I told him that I was trying to clean up my diet but I was finding it really hard to give up sugar. He started yelling at me right away, saying, "Of course, that's because you're **** addicted to sugar!" I pleaded with him to calm down, and he said, "What? It's okay for you to scream at me whenever you have low blood sugar, but when I scream in response, it's not okay?" (Everything had been perfectly fine with us for the past few days.) I pointed out, again, that he shouldn't yell at me when I haven't done anything. He claimed that he was only yelling at me in "response" to the way I treat him when I get cranky from low blood sugar. (While it's certainly true that I can get cranky when I'm hungry, the timing of his response seemed random to me.) Therefore, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells with him. This is especially true because I often try to show an interest in diet since he's so focused on it, but sometimes this can backfire, as in the above example.

    Do you think that our pattern of fighting has something to do with ADD? If so, do you have any quick tips on how we can both work on this dynamic? I realize that some (much?) of this is my fault, but I just feel like the arguments get out of my control so quickly. I also wish that my husband would try to understand why I am upset or would accept at least some of the blame when we fight. Best of all, I wish that we could find a way to fight that avoids the explosions altogether. Thank you very much. 

  • Lost, Angry, Lonely & Enabler by: hrtbrkn 11 years 7 months ago

    I read this site alot. Recently, things keep swinging wildly for my DH and i between great/silent (silence is better for us at this point, at least it means we arent fighting/treating the other poorly) and bickering/fighting. 

    So we've been married for 7yrs. He says he was diagnosed with ADHD while in the Army. He said he tried medications but hated how they made him feel 'slow' and 'sluggish' and 'stupid'. He also has severe childhood issues with his mother. At first, he would not celebrate anything - holidays, birthdays etc. Not just "i forgot" but rigidly against them.  I've now got him enjoying the week long "birthday-fest" that always encompasses his bday. We did nothing for mine. We did a 'bday dinner' the night before, and i never heard a peep about it again. I am used to no gifts. I havent received a gift from him since last year when he strong armed me into getting a new car i had been looking at for a while (the reason i didnt want it was because of the financial strain potential, which he didnt get and berated me until i finally agreed to get it). Prior to that, he bought me a camera after we suffered a miscarriage a few years prior. He only bought the camera cause his boss was selling it, and in the end it would make him look better and give him more face time with the boss. Thats it. Thats fine. i've learned to expect nothing. My expectations are so low, i feel like i am literally beginning to fall apart. He spends and spends our money. I control the finances but when hes constantly asking for stuff, wont take No for an answer without a 'good' reason why and is the sole bread earner it makes it hard to tell him no without it turning into a fight. I got a part time job at a local drugstore, but so far every penny of each paycheck has gone to his current big project. 

    A few months ago, we got into a fight. We had made plans to go to a car event. We were talking about it, and on the way home from picking him up at work we decide to call our friend to see what the plans for the evening looked like. While waiting for him to answer, we talked about the event and he made mention of how excited he was to go with me. Our friend picked up, and the second sentence from their mouth was "wanna make it a guys night?". The DH said yes without hesitation. They finished their call and hung up. He said its gonna be a guys night, and if thats OK. I told him that i had wanted to go too, but its fine. He then told me "well i have never been there before".My response was that i hadn't either. Then i could see his own disappointment in his eyes. He said "I didnt know that. Now i feel like an ass". The night progressed, with me continuing to be excluded from every other plan, including dinner until i had finally had enough and pitched a fit (ugh PMS does NOT help me keep an even keel). He could not get through his head that i was fine with them going without me, but that i would like to at least be included in the food plans. Our friend, who was there witnessing this, even said this solution a few times, which i agreed to every time. DH just wasnt hearing any of it. Finally the friend got mad cause the solution had already been attained but we were still argueing. Long story short, the night ended with the fight continuing after he got home from the event and DH saying we are getting a divorce and he would be out by morning. Next morning i got up, sad but already to terms with this and went over to our friends house. Later in the day i got a call him DH, asking where i was, and what i had told them about us and telling me to come home. Once home, i was berated for more hours about not fighting for us. He then presented his ultimatum that the next time i screw up this bad, there will be no "long talk" where he gives in and we make up. About a month later, i talked to my therapist about this, and we starting working on the idea (i have a reading list now i am working on slowly) that i have Codependence, and that he's not just ADHD, but may also have Narcissism or Anti-Social due to his lack of regard and empathy for other people. 

    Now i sit in a state of numbness and despair. The job becoming the one thing i look forward to. The time when i can feel like a worthy human being again. Where i am part of a team and not alone. At least, until last week when i was covering for a lunch break and we (I) were robbed by a man w/ a gun. No one was hurt, but since then i've been on leave from work and internally a manic basketcase. He's also been working 12hrs days, my normal therapist is out on vacation until the 10th, and every councilor the insurance company gives me for the incident either has no opening for 3+weeks, or isnt accepting new patients. I feel completely and utterly alone. I dare not say anything to him, as we have already fought about it, and he made it clear that he didnt want to hear about it by minimizing it in the car on the way home immediately after. Understanding my codependence is helping me a bit, but more in the dissociation and ignorance aspect. I want to be happy. It just seems like the more i understand my problems, the more i realize that i've been burying my head in the sand for 7yrs now. Talking to him is off the table. If he doesnt like what i say, or how i say it he will get agitated - hes significantly better at communication then I am. It will just turn into him berating what i am trying to say or telling me that i am just flat out wrong about the way i feel. 

  • Dont think I can do it anymore by: sunnygirl 11 years 7 months ago

    I havent been on here in a while but I think I am going to have to get out of this relationship.  My hurts are told to him again and again about every 3 months (because i am not seeing change) , and last night it all came out AGAIN.  I explained to him that the three things are 1. Lack of intimacy 2. He is not meeting his commitments for debt 3. he has not kept promises to me.

    These three things by themselves would not be so bad but when they are all together concurrently, it is a big alarm bell for me and I am sad, hurt and scared. 

    I told him the lack of intimacy is really hurting me.  We have a non sexual relationship now, and he told me last night he doesnt know why.   I calmly told him that most relationships just dont last if there is not that intimacy, and that I was not a young woman anymore, and felt like I was wasting my life and felt like i have put myself in a vulnerable situation that I do not see a future of.   I told him that he has not met the commitments to me, and that really hurts, as I have tried to be patient, and feel like I have no stability here anymore.  I am worried about work, not taking opportunities that are away from 'home' (which I moved to so that him and I could be together) and wondering why I am banging my head against the wall.

     

    I have been crying all day because I dont know what to do, I am in so much pain, feel so vulnerable and sad, and he cant figure out why I am not outside 'playing' in the yard with him as he hyper focuses on something else.

    I just dont know what else to do. And I cant talk to anyone about it because I dont have anyone I can trust about it.  I feel like I am going crazy here and I just dont know what else I should or can do.

  • new to the blog by: ash 11 years 7 months ago

    I know this isn't a new topic--I literally just stumbled upon this blog looking for help in a completely different area!  I'm completely ASTONISHED that I never before put the behaviors on the ADHD!  I've been with K for 6 years and ever since we moved in together I have wondered if I was in an abusive relationship.  He's a hard-core stoner as well, which as you can imagine may make him feel like he feels better, but it does nothing for our relationship.  We were supposed to get married this week and I called it off because the fighting from planning got ridiculous.  I'm so tired of feeling like there's no room for me to speak my mind or have my opinions without a blowout from him , and with all the name calling.  I know he spends all his "good boy" points at work and what I get is a stoned/sexually needy and aggressive person.  It's incredible how literally every single time I feel totally solid and balanced and strong he tips the boat and it starts all over again.  I don't feel like I have a partner, I feel like I have this potential monster who may or may not scream at me for an hour about everything he hates about me when he gets mad.  Oh, he also has PTSD.  It's awesome.  I won't lie, I fantasize constantly about leaving---I don't have the funds.  I also worry about the role I play in this and whether or not it will be different if I move on.  Maybe if I stopped with the stoners/adhd-ers........

  • We can't get blood from a turnip by: I'm So Exhausted 11 years 7 months ago

    Today I am sitting with my own life's reality.  Reading the posts here on this forum, knowing I am not the only one who has done what I did to keep my marriage.

    What I have been fighting for close to 10 years is that inner voice that says, "I want out.  I want out out.  I want Out.  Get out.  Get out.  Get out.  My marriage is dead.  My marriage is dead.  My marriage is dead."

    My car broke on Tuesday.  My son is a mechanic.  My husband can fix cars.  We have a total of 5 vehicles.  Mine is broke.  The company service van is standard shift, old and a mess.  My daughter lives 30 miles away, works, goes to school and is using one car.  My son  has one of the pick-up trucks, and has an important medical appointment, so he needs to use it.  My brother-in-law asked my spouse to help him today - so my spouse commandeered the other pick-up truck.  I had college classes today.  My spouse said, "I gotta have the pick-up truck today." The first words out of my mouth were, "I guess I'll just miss classes."  

    Now I am sitting here kicking myself.  Why did I volunteer to put myself at the bottom of the pile?  It is what I have always done.  How do I get out?  I gotta take care of myself.  My spouse's attitude was one of not offering to help me out - he was hyper-focused on the fact he had volunteered to help my brother-in-law.  So, why, oh why, did I not insist he cancel helping so I could have the vehicle for classes?

    We are crazy women, us ladies here on the forum.  We hope and dream for that day when we will be appreciated or acknowledged or honored or respected - by someone who is unable to do that very thing.  We can't get blood from a turnip - because a turnip has no blood to give. We can't get the emotional support from our spouse, because without the proper counseling/coaching, they don't have any to give.  Or, they don't know how to get at it.

    The trick for me is to figure out how to get out of the Compassion Fatigue mode, and keep the focus on me.  I AM worn out, MY spark is gone, and that light at the end of the tunnel is fading fast. 

  • I cannot forgive myself. by: NinaJane 11 years 7 months ago

    Hello everyone,

    I am a 40 year-old married woman and was diagnosed with ADHD in January 2013 and I am new here.

    My ADHD has been so destructive. All my life, I have felt insecure, inferior, anxious, false - worried that someone will find out what I really am like. I got married at age 24 to a man ten years my senior. From the get-go, he couldn't cope with the fact that I was so disorganized, couldn't prioritize, my inability to manage time properly and the fact that I neglected him emotionally, physically and sexually (to name but a few). Needless to say, this caused major conflict. Over the years he has repeatedly accused me of being lazy, not loving him enough to try harder, saying that he was embarrassed of me - he once told me that when he is with me, he feels like there is a piece of toilet paper hanging out of his bum - said that I was the reason for all the unhappiness in our marriage, he constantly compared me to our friends, asking why couldn't I be more like this one or that one. During our arguments, he would become verbally very abusive and would imply that I was mentally retarded in some way - once, he told me that the best thing I could do for everyone, was to kill myself - this after I had been considering the same thing myself for some time already. There were a couple instances of physical abuse, which according to him was the result of years of frustration on his part.

    All I ever wanted (even as a child) was to be accepted for who I am. I thought that when you love someone enough to marry them, you love them for the good and the bad. I couldn't understand why he just could not accept me the way I was. I resented him trying to change me, the fact that he was forever trying to 'fix' me, because I did not consider myself broken. I knew that there was something wrong with me, but I thought it was tied to my personality. I reasoned that my husband also had shortcomings, but I did not hold it against him - I accepted it as part of him and loved him despite it - and I couldn't understand why he could not meet me halfway on this.

    So, I grew to despise him. I wished him dead. If he was late home from work, I would feel excited at the prospect that he might have died - only to be disappointed when he would walk in the door. Our arguments became more frequent and intense and I did consider divorcing him, but I am a full-time mom to 3 young children (2 with combined ADHD and one with an Autism Spectrum Disorder) without an income and he is an attorney, so I felt that I had no option but to stay. Instead, I emotionally distanced myself from him.

    I realized that I would never find happiness with him, so I made a very calculated decision to find my own. How I went about it still sickens me. I decided to look for someone who would love me the way I was. Someone who actually cared about me. Someone who looked forward to seeing me. Someone who would find my imperfections endearing. Someone who would miss me when I was not with him. I realized that it would be next to impossible to find someone like that in the normal course of life, because my husband is a very prominent businessman in our town, so I decided to join a web-site called Married And Looking, hoping to find someone in a similar situation to mine. I wanted to have an affair with a married man, because he would not expect me to leave my family or take unnecessary risks, as he would have equally as much to lose. Up to that point, I had never been unfaithful to my husband, not in thought or deed.

    I soon realized though that for the men on these type of sites, it was really only about sex, so I decided to break my own rule and started seeing single men as well. I ended up giving sex in exchange for warmth and affection. I would meet with these men in my house or at their houses, in hotels, motels, anywhere really. Sometimes I would have sex with one man in the morning and another in the afternoon. Through these men I was introduced to group sex, male and female and even toyed with BDSM. Strangely enough, I received more kindness from these strangers and was treated with more tenderness, than by my own husband. I suppose one always think that it is just weirdos, perverts and psychopaths who join those kind of sites (what does that say about me?), but the truth is that I have met some of the kindest people there. Usually, after the sex, there would follow an hour or two, where whomever I was with would hold me in his arms and we would talk and listen and laugh and share. It was those moments I lived for and I was willing to provide sex in order to have that 'afterwards part'. This period of my life lasted for 3 years. My last indiscretion being in November last year.

    Since my diagnosis in January this year, I have been crippled with guilt and shame, because I realize that it was not just my husband's fault that our marriage was in the state it was in. I now accept that I carry a tremendous amount of the blame as well, that he too is a victim in all of this. I have since educated myself about adult ADHD and am taking medication for it. I do realize that my undiagnosed ADHD caused most of the unhappiness both me and my husband experienced and we are slowly, but surely rebuilding our relationship. He doesn't know the extent of my deceit though and I will never tell him, but I do live in constant fear that he will somehow find out about it. But even if he does and for some reason, find it within himself to forgive me...I do not think that I could ever forgive myself.

    Thank you for lending an ear x

     

  • I have had a major shift today in my heart by: I'm So Exhausted 11 years 7 months ago

    I have had a breakthrough.  I have found a name for my own stuckness.  This is a snippet from an article in CHADD's Attention magazine:

    "COMPASSION FATIGUE IS THE PRICE WE MAY SOMETIMES PAY for the compassion we feel for others who are struggling, and for working tirelessly to help them improve their lives. Among its tell-tale signs is emotional exhaustion. We feel worn out, our spark is gone, and that light at the end of the tunnel is fading fast. While its effects have been studied mostly by experts in the field of traumatic stress, some experts now believe it actually casts a wider net than originally thought. Teachers can suffer from compassion fatigue. So can therapists. So can spouses. And so can parents of children with learning and behavioral challenges. The good news is that it’s reversible. "

    I have probably read this basic information a million times in other articles, books or magazines. Today, it was put into a quote that settled right in my own heart of understanding.  I have a sense of myself today in: THAT'S ME!  

    If you can name it, you can fix it.  

  • "I am fun. You MUST forgive me." by: jennalemon 11 years 7 months ago

    As I look at dh's family, I see the look of our relationship repeated in a few of the couples.  There is one spouse who is ALL personality, (verbose, profane, toilet humor) a lot of talk that consists of a lot of "putting down" others....political judgements, local gossip, and fiesty accusations ----- all in good fun, ha-ha. Jockying for attention with words, bravado and "in your face" bantering. There are stories of drunken partying and careless activities (even though there are children involved) that are reported with pride as in, "Look, no one is going to tell me how to behave. I am supreme in my strong will and ability to have fun."

    The spouse (me included) of these certain relatives at the family gatherings is quiet, removed, apprehensive, a shell. They are the ones making sure the kids are being taken care of and are helping to make the event happen, taking care of business. They are the ones who say it is time to go when it is time to go, packing things and saying good byes while the spouse has the attitude of "You are such a wet blanket. I want everyone here to keep seeing what a fun person I am. I am on a roll." Even though it took everything to get the "fun" spouse to the event.  I believe there are quite a few ADD/ADHD people in dh's family.  When I look at the spouses, I see a mirror and it is not a pretty site.  We have resigned shoulders with a look of hapless determination in our faces.  The ADD/ADHDers look much more animated and lively.....more likeable.  They have seemed to "fall into" money somehow without doing too much work themselves....not having had to push themselves too far.

    When I begin to get angry or resentful or confused when talking to dh, this awareness helps me to look at him and see his ADD (and upbringing?) and accept that this is who he is...I can't change it.  As I recall the actions and words of these relatives....his sarcasm and swaggering becomes less personal against me or our marriage.   What is missing in our dialogue is comradery toward growth, understanding, helpfulness, compassion or care. Instead there is a blustering and games in his attempts to "relate".  Rather than impart information to "couple" or plan his words and actions are constructed to divide and conquer. 

    Us spouses become frustrated and wonder why we can't have a committed, partnering, care to share, loving marriage.  We take the fault of the difficulties upon ourselves wondering if we ARE wet blankets and don't have enough personality to keep our spouses in love with us.  Many of us spouses COULD enter into the lighthearted verbal sparring IF there were first some trust and security between partners....then the "fear of the games going too far and inappropriately" would not be like a cloud over us.  I wish we could relax and enjoy ourselves rather than be the vigilant guardian whose job it is to keep things balanced.

    I look around and see buildings built, parks and towns organized, professional men who put energy and action into family and community and building a life with a wife and children.  Interested in growing and learning and being a part of growth and support and giving.  So I know there are men out there who are motivated and able to do these things.  I forget what a man is capable of and how nice it COULD be to be a part of a group who puts effort into these important endeavors through planning and discussing and organization and action.  The senselessness of dh's efforts to get everyone to like him for his humor and "funness"  at the expense of any other endeavor makes my life of supporting him senseless too. His biggest aspirations are to live and let live and not cause harm but he is causing harm by not contributing.  He is causing harm to me by defining our family as silly, pleasure-seeking "do nothings". His actions and words are structured to keep the spotlight on his personality so no one notices that he is not being an adult, loving man with adult responsibility and concern.  He doesn't do the necessary things because it is either not fun or it is too hard.  That means that someone else has to do the things that are not fun and are hard.  He asks me to respect him.

    Again, I know this is not just ADD. It may be what it looks like when the coping of ADD is denied and/or lazy.  My apologies to those of you who work hard to plan, organize, contribute and make something of yourselves.   Let this be a congratulations to those of you who have worked hard to NOT be the person I just described.   Your spouse only loves you more knowing the extra effort that you must put in to contribute like you do.

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