So this is my first post . Wrote on my phone sorry for the punctuation !

I have had adhd my entire life and am on medication. 

I never thought that my adhd effected my life on a large level besides at work but in the last 6 months my marriage has been torn and we are trying to repair it .

We have been married for 4.5 years together for 8.5 we met when I was 17. I never dated before I met him and we fell in love fast. We have had a very up and down relationship . For the past 6 years our relationship has been one sided. I worked hard to keep it all together and he was absent , played video games never wanted to do anything or share life with me. I would always go everywhere alone and make up lies or excuses as to why he wasn't there . Even with church he wouldn't go and of if would say he would he would find a reason to back out at the last minute . That became my normal . I felt like we were not living a life . We do not have children and tried for. Long time and it just didn't happen. 

My husband was became with drwn and there was no physical affection . I could be crying on the floor and he wouldn't even touch me . He would just say stop crying babe. And if I went to Kiss him he would say hurry up and say that he wasn't an affectionAte person.

he has alot of pAst issue he never got OVerwith his mother and his past. I told him that things were wrong. It was for about a year the same arguement . I asked to go to counciling I told him I felt vounerable and alone . I tried hard to keep it together for so long but I kept coming back to this feeling that I just didn't want to be married . I decided to go t therapy alone. That's when I knew I was done. Who goes to marriage therapy alone?

things became tense and I mentally and emotionally checked out . I made the decision that after the holidays I wanted a seperation .and that's when I had what I will call an emotional affair / a one night of cuddling and a drunken mistake that almost went to far but by the graceof god did not. I started a lust obsession and a game between me and this guy we would talk then when we would he would say I should come over I never did. I told him I was still married regardless and I felt bad for what happened and why for some reason even though he was a dbag guy I still kinda couldn't tell him I wanted to stop. He made suggestions of things we could say or do so we could hang out and that's when I knew and told him that he was asking me to have an affair and would be the other man. It ended when I told my husband everything he called the guy and told him to leave me alone, I couldn't tell him myself . 

A few times I have had to interact with him bring weird feelings up about wanting to be single and that I will never know what it's like to date ect . So here is my main issue 

my husband changed did a 180 is now the most amazing guy. He had a religious awakening and now is actively involved in church is affectionate , deeply in love with me and I'm not.... I have my moments but I detached myself to the point that I have. Really hard time accepting any love and affection from him . I moved out for a few days and moved right back in like 3 dys I just needed space . I think moving back so soon was a bad mistake . I need to get myself together . It isn't fair to have one spouse 100% in and the other with one foot in and one out . I think my add has alot to do with this . 

For years I have had problems with feeling content with my life . I do have down moods sometimes they don't last very long but man they suck. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to be divorced . But I can look at him and feel nothing .... I feel so confused :( anyone have advice ??

I feel I am at a turning point. We have been married 12 years and have two children. DH started on adderall last year. I don't know if it is helping or not. It is hard to tell when he as taken it and I hate being a nag and asking about it. Anyway, at Christmas he left my families' celebration right before Santa was coming for the kids in a big huff over something ridiculous. He now is telling me how staying at my parents' house (3 hours away) is miserable and that they are welcome here (ha! I'm sure they feel that way now), and I can go up with the kids, but he won't be going anymore. He understands that I am upset, but thinks that this can just be something separate from us. No there have been lots of issues that I have been able to get past, but I can't do it with this one. I have no desire to be intimate or even do anything with him at all. I have seriously been thinking about divorce, but then think of my 7 and 5 year old. Would that change his temper? No. Would he suddenly be on time for the kids' events? No. I just wouldn't be there to try to smooth things out with the kids. 

He is willing to go to counseling, which I am not sure how we will afford, but I can't see this marriage getting any better without trying something. My concern is that the therapist will make him out to be the "bad guy" (in his eyes), and he will refuse to continue. Granted, most of our issues honestly can be traced to him. Of course, I have things I can work on, but truly I am not sure what I could do to make the marriage better. There are moments when I have a glimpse of hope and think, "Yes, we can get through this." and other times where I think, "Things will never change."

So, for those of you in or who have done couples therapy, did it help? Any tips? I haven't even begun a therapist search yet and am not sure who I can get to watch the kids while we do this, but I have to make an effort. 

Where do I begin? My husband of almost 2 years has a terrible temper, takes a simple conversation we are having and turns it around that he thinks I am attacking him and trying to start an argument when I wasn't at all. He then gives me the silent treatment and runs off to go to his dad's house in the valley and proceeds to talk to his ex girlfriend the whole way over to his dads house and I found out this morning he has talked to her all the way back too. I have texted him several times saying "I love you and did you have fun'? and he has not replied to me at all. Yet I can see on our cell phone account that he is still texting his ex girlfriend this morning.

He flys off the handle for the littlest things and turns it around to make it seem like I am at fault for things he does. If I ask him to do something like take the trash out or something or please fix the pickup he says I am nagging. He is a bad alcoholic and lies to me all the time. He says hes going to quit drinking then he goes and buys beer, goes to the bar and comes home drunk, then he is way way awful to me to where I cant be in the same room. He is very controlling and has so many anger issues. He treats me so awful I cry a lot. If he catches me crying he says for me to stop blubbering and stop looking for pitty.

I have a lot of health problems and now im having stomach problems because he cause me so much stress. Im afraid ill end up with an ulcer. When we first got married, I had no Bills, all my cards were paid off, well he had bad money problems, (I didnt realize how bad till after we were married and I was living here) and he insisted we use all of my credit cards to catch up on his back bills. Now all my cards are maxed out. My health is to bad to work and that leaves him with making the money. Sad things is, there have been days that he just didnt want to work and stayed home. Now we are behind on paying bills and he says he doesnt care if checks bounce. 

I have cried so much because I do love him and he can be sweet and kind but lately he is acting like he is ADHD and BIPOLAR. The funny thing is, because of how he acts and it makes me cry, he is going around telling people that I am BIPOLAR which is FARRRRRRRRRRRR from the truth. He is the one who screams and yells, throws things, breaks things, and flys off the handle at the drop of a hat. I just dont know what to do. I have had people tell me to leave him, but I have NO MONEY at all since my cards are maxed out and no place to pack or put all of my stuff. We just bought a house a few months ago and just got all my stuff out of storage.. I dont feel safe at all. I feel like im not safe to unpack all of my things. With him screaming, yelling and cussing at me, and now hes talking to his ex girlfriend and has ignored my text messages I have no idea what awaits when he comes home. More then likely he has stopped at a bar or somthing and still talking to his ex girfriend. I had been married before to a very abusive man and when I met my current husband he gave me all the sweet talk, he said he would treat my like a queen and that I never have known love till I come marry him and so on so on. FAR FROM THAT!!! I do all the work around the house, he never lifts a finger to help me, he never brings me flowers or even a card. He doesnt like hugging and even sex is the worst! Its always wham bam thank you mam! Even if I am sick or in pain, he makes me take care of him and I dont get anything out of it. Right now its been over a month since we have had sex together. He made me take care of him several times this month but he ignores my needs. How do I deal with all of this? I have knot in my stomach not knowing how he will act or treat me when he gets home.......

I have been with my partner for 3 years. We met when we were 16 and were completely in love, very romantic, had his undivided attention etc. Then we decided to go to the same University, which was a very stressful time for me but he didn't seem stressed at all, despite the amount of work involved - he was just certain that it would work out, and that if it didn't, he'd follow me anywhere.

The plan worked, and after a year of living in student accommodation separately, we decided to rent a house with two other people. In the past year, over a gradual period of time, our relationship has changed significantly. We have always had arguments about silly things because we are both very stubborn, but now they are much more serious and difficult to get through.

Where he used to feel like he could be completely open around me, he now has trouble expressing himself. Where he used to prioritise me above everything, he now juggles me with other commitments. Where he used to be able to have serious discussions with me, he now avoids it as best he can and when they DO happen, he gets completely and inappropriately stressed about them, and incredibly frustrated. He chews his nails, has outbursts, and fidgets like mad. He cannot sit still at the best of times, and hates talking on the phone. He often interrupts people by accident or talks over them, too.

To live with, he is incredibly disorganised. I knew this about him before, but he always said that when he had his own house that this would change - it hasn't. He finds it very hard to make and keep appointments, is very forgetful, and claims to have a completely visual memory - no internal monologue at all. He now cannot cope with stressful situations at all - during the week before a recent exam, he shut himself in his room and did not eat properly or talk to anyone for most of the day, attempting to revise but often being distracted by websites and games (whenever I came in to check he was ok, perhaps 2-3 times a day, this was the case. He said he was taking a break). You basically have to force him to do any chores, and I'm starting to feel like his mother because I have to remind him to do it all the time.

Our most common conflicts are about money, lack of attentiveness and his impulsive nature. He does not appear to think about things before doing them, which was lovely when we weren't so serious, but now is becoming a threat to a secure future together. He hates thinking about money and, despite the fact that he has been looking for part-time work, has never found one. He has career plans and is a very intelligent person, but this intelligence is always vocalised through speech rather than introspection. At school, the only time when he truly excelled was in debates, and when I was his motivation - he had to achieve in order to stay with me at University. Before then he only ever did the bare minimum and was often in trouble. He also only focuses on things that interest him and finds it hard to get on with anything boring, which causes both his Mum and myself to think he is uncaring, lazy/irresponsible and insensitive.

While I have been very negative here, I love him to bits. Still. He really is very sweet and WANTS to do lots of things for us, but they never happen. He is funny, fun to talk to, and loving when he's at his best. But this change makes me think he loves me less, while I still feel the same way.

I used to think this was what happened to all relationships - the honeymoon period was over, etc. I used to think this was just a very specific type of personality. But, looking at letters he sent 5 months into our relationship, the 'hyperfocus' that other people on here talk about seems to fit.

What do people think? Does this sound like ADHD/ADD, or is it just a normal personality type? Am I over thinking this?