Hi there everyone,

This is my first time posting in this wonderful site. Reading other peoples posts and situations has really helped me to come down from a very big anger/frustration/anxiety attack which almost resulted in me moving out from the home I share with my ADHD girlfriend who I have lived with for 6 months. I also have been diagnosed with ADHD about a year and a half ago.

She has ADHD which was only diagnosed a few months ago after I watched her struggle in various aspects of her life and suggested she get referred for assessment:

*Untidy to the point her bedroom floor was un-walkable on because of piles and piles of clothes and other mess. The mess became so insurmountable that she couldn't tidy it. The funny side of this was that it was an 'organised' mess in the sense that she knew where everything was in that mess.

*Struggles to be on time for appointments, work and social commitments.

*Gets easily distracted in conversation, doesn't contribute much to conversation in the way of asking questions when talking about a subject I'm interested in.

*Lack of empathy.

*Has multiple debt companies chasing her for money.

*Is misunderstood by various family members and as a result has estranged relationships with them.

*Self medicated 'racing thoughts' using marijuana on a regular basis.

I suppose the saying 'It takes one to know one' comes to mind because all of these things I have mentioned above are things which I too struggle with or have become better at managing. I 'get her' and understand her ADHD (to the best of my own experience with it's ability will allow me to), however since we both moved in together I have found slowly over time to encounter more and more frustration with her. Things like:

*Not pulling her weight in the maintenance of our home - I do all the ironing and most of the cleaning/dishes and find myself picking up after her.

*Lack of response in communication, particularly arguments or bringing up issues I have. She never gives pragmatic input or helps to work towards a positive resolution of simple issues which in turn intensifies my own initial frustration. I'm met with defensiveness or an over-reaction and resistance... Or even worse, a blank expression and she walks away mid-argument.

So far I've tried various times to come down from my own initial frustration in order to make her feel better and more comfortable communicating, crossing over to her side of the bridge and taking her hand and leading her across to my side in hope she can see things from my perspective, so to speak. This has had little effect. In fact I think we end up talking about her issues and then pretty much disregard mine. So no resolution.

I've tried to encourage and re-educate myself on ADHD hoping for some pearl of wisdom which will give me the tools to help her to help me, however I'm struggling. My own ADHD is in my opinion more of an inattentive ADD without the hyperactivity. I find my own concentration to be difficult and when I argue with my girlfriend who I love very deeply, I feel emotionally drained, anxious and depressed. I feel that this relationship is one sided in terms of the communication. I know she loves me and from when I first met her to now I commend her for the progress she has made, she has come a long way. I just don't want the old bad habits to creep back and I also want her to take responsibility for her condition. I can deal with everything except the lack of communication and input when we talk about issues. These things don't magically go away. Loving someone and living with someone are two separate things. 

I want to go about this in a way which is productive and ADHD friendly. Please can someone offer advice and tips.

I'm really struggling here.

Ok I am new to this but here it goes. My husband and I have been together for 20yrs. He is the love of my life. We have been through a thing or two. Ten years ago my mother was hit by a car in NM and killed instantly, we then took over the financial care of my grandmothers care who had Alzheimer. She past away about two years ago. Then about four years ago we started taking care of my aunt who also has Alzheimer. Now I was diagnosed with ADD when I was about nine. I have always had problems in school, ect ect. If things interest me I am the queen... I excel if not - well not at all. Pretty common add stuff.

Now with all that said one would say oh your stressed, grieving yada yada yada. But been there done that my husband and I spend every waking moment together- and hes a bit of a mentalist. He notices everything. Now we are trying to go back to work, he is non add. However he has three friends who are ADD and a wife(me) who is ADD. His plate is kinda full. He has taken a  break recently from his friends ( i think he resents me for not having the patience to deal with them because of me) But heres the thing, my add is in full effect. Since everything in our life as calmed down, I have no schedule no structure. He needs go with the flow- from having so much structure before. But im having a hard tome adjusting.  Just yesterday, we were supposed to go to the bank, we fell asleep watching a movie. He got up before me and started getting ready. I got up and checked the bank hours, now heres where my add kicked in, the bank closed at 4 it was 415. My mind rushed with what else do we need out what else do we need to do - before you know the bank closing is a distant thought. I start getting ready continuing to have the conversation in my head. Then he says hey its almost 5 are we going to make it in time what time do they close---OH shit! I tell him they closed at four-this turns into an argument - not because its small but because it happens all the time. Hes like why didn't you tell me earlier? why did you wait for me to ask? so on and so on- he knows how my head works but sometimes doesn't have the patience for it. I'm trying really hard to get better at not letting my mind wonder, but is hard.

I m not trying to hurt him, I want him to get better, but i don't know how we are going to get through this my add isn't going anywhere.

How are the relationships between ADD parents and their ADD children ?    My son has become increasingly disrespectful toward his ADD father.  Sometimes I think he is a min-version of his irritable Dad.  I worry he is going to be just like his father when he grows up, but he used to be such a happy child.  He is still respectful toward me...sure we have our moments as any parent/teen would but I wonder how much of his behavior toward his dad is hereditary and how much is learned...   His Dad rarely does things with our children, just today my children and I were about to play a board game and my youngest said 'dad want to play with us, all hopeful',  dad replied 'no thanks i'm all set'....  hello how many opportunities are going to be left that your kids wants to play with you...  last year he did not go to one single sporting event of my sons..while i sat in the stands at every game and every other mother and father were there cheering for their sons.  he yells at the kids quite frequently, that is when he even bothers to talk to them at all..  this has been the worst christmas week I have ever had, we were both home all week, one big miserable family... I just recalled that last New Years eve  was the first year I ever let my kids stay up to midnight with me, usually i was just too damn exhausted and wanted them in bed...anyway this was a big deal to them. So my kids and I watched the ball drop, and where was their dad..in the other room, not participating/celebrating the new year... 

I have stayed married because I thought it was best for the kids to have a home with both parents, now I am wondering if its actually doing more harm than good.

My relationship with my ADD mother wasn't great but it wasn't horrible either... however she DID things with me like most mothers doand I didn't know she had ADD...not that she has ever gotten diagnosed but there is no doubt in my mind that she is, and my brother was also recently diagnosed..  I guess in my family I AM the one who is different..  my mom, brother, my children, husband...i guess i am the minority.

I've been dating an ADHD guy for about 3 years an I truly don't know how to improve it anymore. When I first met him, He's just like everyone's dream guy. He says the nicest things and is always very attentive. A month later, we started dating. All was good and nothing could possibly go wrong within a year's period. During the 2nd year, we started suffering some problems. He says he'll promise to call but he'll never call and start giving excuses. I'd let it go the 1st time but it went on and on and I got fed up. It got me thinking that he just didn't bother to make the effort or that he was seeing someone else or was thinking I was a boring person to talk to. Eventually, I tried not to get my hopes high when he said he'll call. I also didn't feel like I was his priority because he would cancel our date just to go out with his friends or he'll just cancel just because he "doesn't feel like going out". It was only during the end of our 2nd year dating that he revealed to me that he has ADHD. My perspective totally changed and just made me want to work harder to improve our relationship. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't. Most of the time I'm left confused and in tears because I have no one to turn to. None of my friends would understand what ADHD is even. My mother would understand but I don't want to add more things onto her plate as she herself is trying to handle my brother who is a special needs as well (Asperger's Syndrome). After reading Melissa Orlov's blog, she suggest joining a forum or a support group so here I am and I guess you guys could help out on how to communicate and improve my relationship!