I'm new to this forum and my husband has been diagnosed with ADHD for about 5 years now.  He also suffers from anxiety, depression, and PTSD.  I didn't notice his need to be right all the time at the beginning of our relationship.  I'm not sure if I was just high on emotion and blind with love and infatuation or if he didn't exhibit this behavior as much then.  I use to be able to talk to him when he was depressed and make him feel better.  Now it seems like when he's depressed I can't say anything that makes him feel better.  I try to tell him good things about himself, but he just denies them.  He's recently watched some videos on YouTube of a Dr. Barklay on ADHD.  He's become extremely depressed and doesn't think that he can improve his ADHD symptoms or behavior.  That it's a physical deformity of the brain and that even with all the knowledge of the world on how to help his ADHD, he still won't be able to utilize this knowledge.  I'm so very frustrated.  I've worked as a paraprofessional in schools and so has my mother.  We know that ADHD symptoms can be improved.  He refuses at this point to see any positives in having ADHD.  When I try to bring up any positives, he states that those are just his personality traits that have nothing to do with ADHD.  One of the positives that I mentioned to him was the ability to think outside the box.  It's one of the reasons that I fell in love with him in the first place.  He said that I was just grasping at straws to make him feel better.

Does anyone else have a spouse with ADHD that seems to feel like they are right all the time and that you are wrong?

I have been married for 13 years.  Frustration has always been a part of the marriage but I could deal with it.  The last 2 years though, I have finally reached my limit.  After a very up and down year my husband finally agreed to marriage counseling.  He has admitted that he is depressed and acknowledges that he shows all signs of being severely ADHD.  We have been to two sessions with a counselor that specializes in couples therapy as well as adult ADHD/ADD.  Hubby did complete the written evaluation the therapist asked him to do (after 7 days of me nagging him to do it) but has yet to agree to a full evaluation and has said that he will not, under any circumstances, go on medication.  But at least the counseling is a little progress.  The sessions have been lack luster at best with us only exploring basic communication methods, which I do realize is important.  But neither of us has opened up about anything really.  I will say that it seems that hubby is trying at times.  My problem?  When he does try, I am not impressed.  I almost feel like it is just too little to late.  He still isn't really taking much initiative but does do things if I ask him to (though not in any hurry).  He has even brought me flowers, given me some time to myself etc.  Again, I just say "Thanks".  I can't seem to muster up any real appreciation.  I feel terrible about this but I seem to be reacting to everything with skepticism.  This is really troublesome to me but I just don't know how to get myself back to a place that I can see him/us in a positive light.  Part of the issue is that the tension is still there.  We can be having a grand time and with one word or phrase one of us takes it the wrong way and *boom* silent tension and we retreat to separate rooms.  That is when I really start to think about all of my options and the serious possibility that the best thing would be for us to be apart for a while.  Wondering if a little distance might help us both.  I hate feeling like this.

Hi:

I am one of you.  I have recently become one of those people who just learned the answer to "why".  Why is our marriage so difficult?  Why can't I make him happy any more?  Why does he act so angry all the time?  Why is he so insecure?  There are so many "why questions".  The discovery of the answer to why was wonderful but the moment of understanding and hope almost immediately disappeared.  I'll try to put 30 plus years in a nutshell for you.  My hope is that I will receive some helpful recommendations.

Apparently, a little over a year ago my husband decided that he might have ADD.  He discussed this with his GP and was prescribed Vyvanse.  He did not tell me this.  Recently, due to a medical emergency he had to list all of his medications prior to treatment.  I was familiar with most of his meds that he has taken for years for anxiety, depression, pain, etc.  the only new one mentioned was the Vyvanse.  Oddly enough I had recently read a book written by someone with ADD.  While reading it I found similarities in my husband's behavior.  A few days after the medical emergency I asked my husband if his doctor had diagnosed him with ADD.  He said yes.  I said when?  He said, a year ago.  WOW!  So, I was immediately hopeful that with this information, that answers so many of the "why questions" we could improve our relationship, finally.  The husband suggested I read and learn about ADD so we could talk about it.  I did just that.  However, on several attempts to talk about it I was informed that his medication is helping him very well in doing his job and that he only has a mild disorder and that he is fine now and that I am not to discuss this with anyone.  So, there went my glimmer of hope.  I have continued to read and learn but now even with much knowledge and understanding, I can recognize the traits but my husband is not interested in trying to work on problems he does not acknowledge. 

There are some things that are not typical.  For example, my husband is extremely intelligent, hard working, very organized, very clean and well groomed, well respected by peers and people in general.  He is empathetic and caring and at times very generous.  Manages money like a financial planner and has an excellent credit score.  I strongly suspect that one of his additional traits is OCD.  Over the years I have always thought he was what some might call a "high maintenance" husband.  But, I have dealt with many of the same feelings of abandonment, and being ignored, etc.  The meds he was taking prior to the Vyvanse sometimes made him angry, irritable and just plain mean.  Being who I am, I always made excuses and forgave him because of his high pressure career and the extreme amount of time it required of him.  I have made excuses for too many things.

So, here I am venting to all of you.  I am violating the order not to discuss this with anyone but I absolutely need to know, what now?

Thanks

I am going absolute crazy.

We've only been married for 1.5 months, she got pregnant on our wedding night, and she started medical school a few weeks ago. She went from taking 80mg non-xr qd to 30-40mg. She is struggling in class, absolutely horrible to me, and I'm starting counseling next week just to deal with my own emotions. Saw my parents (who live on the other coast) for the first time today in a few months (they flew out to see my new nephew that was recently born a couple hours away but stopped to check in on me...) and I could barely hold it together. I spent the morning painting over mustard stains on the ceiling (temper tantrum from 2 weeks ago when she threw mustard at the fridge and it friggin' exploded everywhere), repainting walls from where she throws glasses and plates (has been happening). She won't let me talk to her psychiatrist... I don't want to intervene in her med school (she has threatened to sabotage my studies at a better medical school that start in August if she doesn't pass this summer introductory class... it's not looking too good because with her reduced medication she struggles to cover the huge amount of material covered in her lectures). I know that I will start medical school no matter what she's breaking or threatening but I don't want to ruin her class this summer by bringing the psychiatrist in to eff with her meds some more...

I just need to vent because marriage so far has not been easy. And its not getting any easier with a kid and eight to ten years of rigorous education ahead of me. I hope this therapy works cause I'm not feelin' too good right now.