Recent forum posts (all topics)

  • The bad boss. by: lovehurtsalotwi... 12 years 5 months ago

    His boss is a very bad person to work for,the definition of (bad) means,I am very horrified by his personal lifestyle,a lifestyle we have been seeing for our own self and with our very own eyes.

    His boos has a beautiful wife and is a very well established man with a high name in the business world, and also two beautiful kids.His boss lives 2 separate lifestyles, the good with wife and kids,

    and the, 

    nasty lifestyle with other women,, he has been dating other women as well,lots and lots of them,every week a different one,he has lots and lots of them ,he has these Colombian girls he brings down and date,(prostitutes) he dates and they are very attractive girls(hot)looking.The boss is a very wealthy man....very rich....so these ladies doing it for the money...

    His boss will invite us to hang out V.I.P with him and his ladies associates, and I am becoming very spectacle with this,I think it it not wise to go and hang out with these hot looking girls and his boss again,it could not be to good for DH.

    He already has a high sex drive and he is already watching all the porn and other women,I think that I am setting up myself for disaster.

    What do you think?

    lovehurts.

  • What is he doing? by: jennalemon 12 years 5 months ago

    I had been gone for three days at a workshop.  I phoned him I would be home at 6:30 pm. It is after 11pm now. I have been home for over three hours. He wasn't home when I got here but when he came home he went to the garage.  He is sitting in the garage "putzing" with I don't know what, without eating dinner. Not coming in the house.  I am always the one to initiate every conversation. I am the one to try to communicate. He just doesn't participate. I feel like a fool.  I feel hated.  I feel alone and lonely. I am frustrated.  I am going to bed.  He didn't come in to say hello or eat dinner.  How does a person know if it is ADD or hatred or selfishness or rudeness?  My mind starts guessing, Is he hiding something?  Is he feeling guilty about something and doesn't want to face me? Does he not want to talk to me?  I can't even imagine doing something like that to even someone I wasn't married to much less the person I promised to love.  If someone I lived with even casually was gone for three days and came home, I would acknowledge that they came home.  I wouldn't forego dinner and ignore them so rudely.  Thanks for listening.  It helps to have a place to let someone know I am going through this.  You could say, why don't you go out to the garage to talk to him?  I have done that for 35 years.  I feel unloved and like a fool that I have to do that all the time and that he can sit there - what, obstinate or clueless?  I don't know, but it is weird and rude.

    When he came in he went downstairs and ignored me. When I went downstairs and asked what he was doing in the garage all that time, he said he had to get the recycling done so he didn't have to do it tomorrow.  When I asked why he didn't come in for dinner, he said because he wasn't hungry.  I had not seen him for over 3 days, he didn't come to talk to me because he was "too busy" (taking appart appliances in our attached garage - recycling).  It is too odd.

  • Is a job too much to ask? by: pinestreet 12 years 5 months ago

    My ADHD husband and I have had a particularly bad two years, but now we are at the point where he is in therapy and on ADD meds. He is becoming easier to live with and his depression and anger are somewhat regulated. These were my top requirements for staying together, and the progress came after I told him I was done. The last requirement was getting a job. He hasn't contributed income in the 8 years we've been married, and has "freelanced". He also never in the past was much help with the household stuff or the kids. He just spins his wheels and is very busy, but for no real purpose.

    In the past year, however, and especially the last three months since I said I was leaving at the end of the school year, he has been consistently doing the dishes and the laundry and paying attention to the children. Is a job too much to ask? He has no idea how to go about getting one, and even with his therapist's help and Adderall, he won't focus on it. His list of things he wants or is willing to do is small, and he complains about everything and jumps right to the negative. One job prospect fell in his lap a few months ago, and he pursued it wholeheartedly, but the process dragged on until last week and he didn't get it. He didn't put any visible effort into looking for anything else during that time period. Now he has no active plan for looking, other than following up on the listings I send him (while being angry that I do that). I feel like a job -- and a positive attitude about it -- are indicative of him making some progress in his life, and of his being able to be lived with. If he's just going to continue to bark and whine about it, blame for for pushing him, and never actually do it, then where have we gotten, actually? Therapy and medication were for the purpose of transforming him into a functional, cooperative purpose who could be a participant in our family life and share some of the burden I've been carrying. If that's not in the cards, I don't want to continue to compensate for his deficits. 

    Anyone else have an ADHD spouse who does not/will not work? 

  • New to site and really could use some help by: mandy 12 years 5 months ago

    I have been married a long time. My husband has ADHD, I do not. He wants to be in control of everything from money to household. A project will be started and then dropped and then a new one will begin. I do not know how much more I can take. He wants to do everything himself with no help but nothing gets done! We have three cars that do not run because he is going to fix them. Of course it's been over a year with them just sitting there. We have an old house that needs fixing up and all the rooms have been started but thats it. If I complain he gets angry because he feels I want things done asap. Forget about hiring someone because he will not have that. He wants to do it all. And don't get me started on the piles of papers, magazines etc... things he wants to go through before he can throw them out. But I have been around long enough to know that NOTHING gets thrown out! Am I alone with this or are there any others going through this too? Any help would be great...

  • Non ADHD spouse and new here. Sad, frustrated. by: sunnygirl 12 years 5 months ago

    hi Everyone. I really love my partner.  I am really sad though. He has been on ADHD meds for a year but I am feeling like I still am getting the short end of the stick with the relationship.

    It has to get to 'crisis' mode for him to work on his debt load.  I have tried to talk to him, be a partner, encourage him, coach him, etc. To no avail.  I got really upset, and have threatened to end the relationship if he does not get his debts under control.  He makes 3 times the money I do, and has not put the effort into this in 3 years since his debt load accumulated...he's not in more debt but he is doing little or nothing to lower his debt.  He promises and then I see the line of credit statement, and nothing.  I dont like nagging, and I feel bad for getting so angry, but it seems it is the only thing that works.  But will it work? I do not believe his promises anymore.

    Yes, I feel like I am burdening most of the responsibility financially in the relationship to keep things on track.

    Then there are the unmet commitments.  When we were talking about buying a house together I told him that it was very important to me to be at least engaged first. I do not want to be a 'live in girlfriend'.  He understood and agreed that this was something that would happen.  Here we are 3 + years later after the house purchase and this has not happened.  I told him that it hurts, and that I have stood up to my commitments, but he has not.  I am not going to nag him over this, as I have too much pride to badger a man to marry me.   I have started going to family functions on my own and just doing my own things to meet my needs as I feel awkward over this all. 

    I guess I am feeling that I took all the risk, moved away from my home and livelihood, restructured my life to build one with him and have had him not meet his promises.  I feel quite used actually.  I am seriously considering cutting my losses now, ending the relationship and moving on.  I do not want to be in a relationship where I am the 'mother figure'; I want mutuality and someone that wants to plan for the future together.  I have talked to him about it all and asked him if it is possible that maybe I am just not the right person for him, and if that is true, lets figure that out now, as I want him to be happy and not be with me because he is 'supposed' to be.

    And yes, he was amazingly charming and attentive at the start of the relationship. 

    Thoughts? 

  • marriage at an end??? by: lovehurtsalotwi... 12 years 5 months ago

    I am not sure??? but I think that it is best that hubby and myself take a separation,things have been really tough with him ,and there is no improvement that is stable,it is a roller coater ride every 2 weeks,something new always keep popping up or the same old things.He has not filter for his mouth,he just blurts out whatever comes to mind and that is hurting me to the core.

    He has no generosity in him,and good intentions,only wicked cruel,manipulative,evil intentions.I am seeing where our marriage will last at all,or where it has a chance.He constantly tells me bad things about my kids,and well,that just rips my heart to pieces.I have suffered alone raising my kids working full time,all the time to make sure they have shelter ,food,clothes and a comfortable environment,he is just a spoil rotten rich boy from the north trying to hamper my peace and sanity.He lived a very high rich partying,chartering,women women women,whores,and boos kind of life style,while I lived in my little haven,with my 2 precious kids doing all the good things and sticking out my end.

    He had it made,and not hitting rock bottom for him is almost like dying.He wants money,cars,riches,women,a lifestyle that i am not accustom too.I am happy to be alive and healthy,but he wants it all.He has done all the wrong things possible in the world to me and I am soo sad sometimes to have come this far and still no proper settled life for me and my kids.I married him b/c he was so promising at the time,and just a few months down he started to break all promises.I can't understand yet what I did for him to be this way,and after reading and blogging I know it's his brain that is dysfunctional.

    Divorce is upsetting my insides.I feel dead and Nom on the insides,I don't want to be separated form the person I love,but the question is,does he love me the same way?? I have to wonder sometimes and I really don't know what to think anymore.I have done tooo much to save this marriage,and I think that it was me all along that was holding us together,I realize that just today that it was me initiating the make up break up shots.He would just stay in his apartment and wait for me to make the first move in calling,or texting and he won't make the effort to apologies or be remorseful for the things he have put me through,I have been remorseful for the both of us.

    i think he has this fantasy of some kind of a woman and it's not me.He was happy at first,but when the reality kicks in ,he realizes he wants more and more.I can't give him his expectations.

    he wants me to leave kids and leave business work,and work for his boss,and then what!! that still will not be the solution,apparently he is always searching and searching for things that a not real,and only in his head.I can't live like this any more.

    last night he told me that I only sleep at his apartment 8 nights a month and that he can't take that no more,I told well I can't live with you until you get help for mood swings and anger also ADHD.

    I lay out my cards on the table and he was trying to bring up other past stuff to turn all the bad things around on me.he came by me this morning looked at me and drove off,low tolerance behavior.

    I understand more now about ADHD but this is very difficult,I give my 2 thumbs up for those of you who lasted in long term un medicated relationships with their ADHD spouses,you guys have a lot nerve.I respect that.

    But I can't do it,I don't have it in me.

    love hurts.

  • Desire and the non ADHD spouse by: Lmanagesall 12 years 5 months ago

    I'm married to an undiagnosed ADHD. I lost all desire for him long ago. Probably after the 5th new car, quad or boat purchase. Has anyone else lost all desire for their ADHD spouse? He seems to not have the capacity to understand. 

  • Rebound Effects from Medication?? by: RollercoasterOfLove 12 years 5 months ago

    I am engaged to a man with ADHD.  I finally got him to see a psychiatrist for medication management about six months ago.  The doctor prescribed him Adderall and has slowly worked him up to the dose she feels is appropriate.  The problem is his insurance won't cover the extended release form in the dose he takes.  Without it, he is one person when he wakes up, another for a few hours after taking his morning meds, another when they wane in the afternoon, another when the second dose kicks in and yet another late in the evening.  He is not good about talking to the doctor about what's going on because he "doesn't see it."  I love this man dearly and he is an absolute joy the two periods of the day where the medication is active enough in his system, but he is angry, childish and defensive the rest of the time, not to mention the mood swings.

    Does anyone have any experience with this or any suggestions?  It's really like dealing with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and I feel like I'm going crazy.

     

  • He's mad, I'm mad & I am losing my mind! by: FRUSTRATED SHOU... 12 years 5 months ago

    My husband gets really mad at me whenever I say anything about ADHD, unless it doesn't involve him. He can recognize that our son being treated for ADHD is a good thing, and that his behavior when he's not on his medicine is frustrating and annoying. He even goes as far as to get upset with our son for being annoying, and it is so maddening because when these situations occur and he is annoyed with our son he tells him to get off him and don't be a pest, you're annoying etc,.....which makes me so mad because the truth is HE ACTS EXACTLY THE SAME WAY!!!! HE IS SO ANNOYING AND PESTERS ME ALL THE TIME!!!!!! THE THINGS HE SAYS TO ME AND TO OTHER PEOPLE MAKE ME SO MAD, IT'S SO EMBARASSING!!!! What the heck?!?!?! Why can't he see it, it's as plain as the nose on his face!? Why is he okay with our son taking meds for ADHD but has a problem with him also having it? I'm so sick and tired of the rude, disrespectful, immature, inappropriate stuff that he says that I believe my head may actually start spinning on my shoulders soon. At least once a day (it's a really good day if not) I am nearly frustrated to tears. I find myself very often fighting back tears and getting mad to avoid being upset. I am at my wits end and do not know what to do. If I were to ever leave him he would fall apart, I am the back bone for our family and I do not want my son to have a father who, for lack of better terms, just isn't great. After becoming so resentful and upset all the time I'm now having a really hard time not being really shitty towards him when his ADHD behavior is upsetting me, I'm so over it, I just want relief but so far I'm not willing to stop sacrificing my mental health for it, I feel like I have no choice.

    And you know, the kicker is that he doesn't always act this way. It's like he can control himself in situations with my family around or in business settings but when we are alone or around close friends or his family (who seem to all have severe ADHD) it's no hold barred and say anything regardless of how horrible it sounds. I am so blessed to be the closest person to him so there is NEVER, EVER a filter on the things I hear, I HATE IT. For a very long time I blamed his upbringing because his parents act the same way but now that I am in my thirties, I don't care what the reasons are - I'm so sick and tired of all the seriously disgusting comments about sex, race, religion, I mean literally nothing is off limits. Nothing.  Every show on tv, everything in the news, every person we know - the comments are so aggravating and yes, people think these things - but we keep them to ourselves!!! And the constant "joking" - ya sure, that's funny IF IT'S ONCE AND A WHILE?!?! DUH!!!!!!!!!!

    Losing my marbles, thanks for letting me vent.

  • Need help in Atlanta by: Pharm PhD 12 years 5 months ago

    Hi all,

    I think my boyfriend and I are in need of some couples counseling to try to prevent our relationship from unraveling.  We live in Atlanta, GA - is there anyone on here from Atlanta who has had found good couples counseling there?  Any input would be much appreciated!

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