Hi, new here.  My.. well don't know if I can call him partner anymore.. has suspected ADHD, waiting on tests.  Our relationship has gone downhill, a combination of my mental health declining and me leaning too much on him, and feeling neglected as he has turned to hyperfixating on this new friendship with another woman, but insists there's nothing in it but it's become his sole focus.  This led to many arguments, including frustrations from me when he messages her when we were on dates.  Paired with me having anxiety and latching to him too much, it came to a head when he was out drinking with female friends, I asked him to come home as I was really struggling, and he wouldn't.  He broke up with me that night, I asked him to wait until end of month, part of me really didn't want it to end on argument, well anyway he agreed, and that's been and gone.  The first few days after, he tried being affectionate, we both were, I told him I'd wait for him,I love him enough to let him go and wait, when he ended it he said he would want to try again when we are both in better place.  Then, after couple days, I don't know what changed but he started stonewalling me, and has since.  He's moody, sullen around me all the time.  Angry.  I'm emotional and end up near in tears, or actually be crying, and met with eye rolls or him telling me to cheer up.  He's happy around others, continues to go out and cheers up, continues this friendship but when alone with me, nothing.  But he suggests still going places, or going on holiday - where we are right now. But then is sullen.  Even if I ask for a hug.  I'm so confused now, and I can't keep taking his anger and hate, I love him so much, including his ADHD, it's part of what makes him so great.  And it hurts so much that this woman he messages makes him happy, whilst I only make him angry.  But then sometimes he'll still hug me to fall asleep.  And why would he ask me to do things if he really didn't want to? He doesn't do things he doesn't want.  I know I need to give him time, but how do I not take it all so personally?

Sorry so long, thanks to those that stuck with it!

Hello all,I am here because I believe my wife has adhd. I've been with my wife for 5 years now,and many things have come out of hiding since then. Here are a list of issues that are doing damage to our relationship. 

*Her memory is terrible, she Forgets everything, loses things,always leaving her credit card in the card,or on the floor or anywhere but her purse.

* If I want to talk about something on my mind I can never finish what I'm saying before she interrupts me,then starts talking about something completely different to my original topic. She makes excuses for everything and cannot handle even the slightest criticism. 

*A simple task she turns into something difficult, always does it the hard long way. Like on her phone, like when she is searching for a movie, it can take hrs,instead of going to sites we know works she persists on sites that don't,then when I have to tell her AGAIN,babe that sites doesn't work she acts as if she didn't know, yet I only told her 24hrs earlier. 

*She will do things around the house that have no priority, yet the priority things don't get done.

*She cannot handle the slightest criticism,and takes it as a personal attack. From there she usually turns it around so the spotlight is on me.

*Her eating skill are that of a 3yo,chews like a cow and gets food everywhere. 

*She cannot answer a yes or know answer, instead can waffle on for ages about what should be a 20 second response,making any excuse she can. 

* We could be talking about a brown cow,then all of a sudden we are talking about mowing lawns.

* She is always wiggling in bed,throwing her hands around, puts a drink down on the bench nearly breaking it because she slams it,it's like her hands weight a ton and she can't hold them up. 

There are many more very annoying traits but you get the jist.

Every time I try and approach her about these things,or I have to take her credit card that she left visible on the seat in the car ,there are arguments,. She denies it all,makes excuses for everything and tells me I am the same and maybe I need to do something about it. I love her dearly but it's starting to take a toll on our relationship. Now I could be wrong because I don't have a habit of diagnosis through Google. When we started dating she claimed the when she was a child her doctor said she has 20% Adhd. Now I'm no doctor but that doesn't sound right,considering my youngest son (from another mother)has adhd, so I know what the signs are, and they are so similar in ways it's not funny. I have asked her in every way imaginable to get help,but she denies it all and turns it into what I need to get help for. 

Please, does this sound like someone with ADHD or an I going crazy. And if so,how can I get her help without her taking as an insult or personal attack. 

Things have been great with my husband for the past few years.   However, he recently started playing music again and is quickly slipping into obsession.   Last night, he changed the strings on his guitar and then spent the next hour strumming it in the next room, when I finally brought up that he was annoying me, he insisted I couldn't hear it because it wasn't turned on, then he insisted that it wasn't as long as I was saying it was (of course, once it got annoying I started timing it because I knew this argument would come), then he went into the next room and continued to play it and acted like I was making up that I could still hear it.   (he moved about 10 feet away from where he had been before - no doors).  

Then we were going to bed, and he ran downstairs to finish a quick chore.  Half an hour later, I called him to see where he was and he was playing the guitar again.  I wouldn't have cared if he wanted to stay up and play, but I was staying up and had the overhead light on in the bedroom because he was right behind me.   When I pointed out that he was getting obsessive again, and told him that if he wanted to play guitar all night, all I wanted was for him to tell me so I wouldn't wait for him, he got really defensive.  

With a lot of ADHD issues, naming it often works for us.  It didn't work last night. 

We have been together for 25 years.  I know this spiral.   He's already forgetting things, coming home earlier than usual from work, and becoming more rigid and intolerant with the kids and me, as if we have all become more demanding of his time and attention, instead of acknowledging that he is just more interested in something else. It always ends with us fighting nonstop and him not changing until he HAS to, usually when he has lost his job.  

Is there any way to stop this obsessiveness?   I want him to be happy.  I want him to play music. I just don't want it to be more important than his job and family, and I don't want to give up things in my life just because he can't balance his.  

My ADHD husband and I have had issues for years.  He's always known he had it.  He was diagnosed in the 80s-90s with ADD and took meds as a child.  Somewhere a long the line he stopped taking meds and his mom just took care of everything.  We were married when he was 27 and then I began taking care of everything.

Yesterday, during an argument, I told him I couldn't do it anymore. I'm tired of going 80% to his 20%.  He said that he turned his decision making skills off when he met me... over 12 years ago because I created an environment where it was impossible for him to succeed and so he decided that he would just defer every decision, every aspect of our lives to me.  He never communicated that.  I'm really sorry he felt this way, but it feels like he's blaming me today for the problems he had with me the for the last 12 years and I'm being blindsided not having been told along the way.  

I loved my husband.  I'm not sure I do anymore, but I know at one point in time I loved him fiercely and I would've done anything for him.  Had he articulated that my behavior was hurtful or not conducive to our life, I would've have changed my approach.  It just  feels really convenient now that we're on the brink of divorce to say.. well you did these things 12 years ago that I never told you about and they caused me to just shut my brain off and you because responsible for everything... your burnout is your problem, you did this.

I can't do this anymore.