Date: Wednesday January 30, 2008
Time: 4:00 pm EST
Cost: Free
This class will introduce mixed ADHD couples (one partner with, and one without, ADHD) to ideas and strategies that will support them in having a happy and successful relationship.
*Because this special teleseminar is being offered in the afternoon a free recording of the class will be available for registered Teleseminar participants.
Sign up now at http://www.addclasses.com
Recent forum posts (all topics)
- Help for Mixed ADHD Couple Teleseminar by: livingwithadd 16 years 10 months ago
- Both partners have ADD..cauding communication challenges by: pinkldybugg 16 years 10 months ago I grew up knowing I have ADHD. Fortunately I had teacher who recognized it and I got the accommodations I needed and have managed to be somewhat effective in life using behavior modification. I am not medicated because I tend to not do well with the side effects. I have also been fortunate enough to work in Education, which has given me more opportunity to learn about ADHD. I believe my boyfriend has it severely he has some stung symptoms and a very negative outlook on life because of peoples reaction to him over the years. I am at point that I would like to move forward but he cannot think past day to day. Although we have talked about getting married and looked at rings it always ends up in disappointment because he can't follow through or is not there even thought he wants to be. Lately our discussions turn into a large series of” you don't understand” or other things. What’s funny is we both understand more than the other thinks. Anyways...my over anxiousness and his diffusely planning ahead are really challenging for us. He often goes Un-responsive or says he can’t process things. I talk too much and get really hung up on things. The marriage thing is not the only reason for concern. He will not respond to me in a timely manner like when it is time to decide what to do when our lease is up, or when we can use those tickets I earned before they expire or anything like that..He fall asleep alot (I suspect because he keeps himself under so much control all day) I get anxious easily so being the opposite end of the symptom spectrum is sometimes a challenge... I love him so much and really want us to work...would counseling and medication help on both ends. I am so self-conscious about my personality as it is. So if it would make me calmer less talkative that would be huge plus. We actually both will avoid social situations on some level. He and I have been eachothers best friend long before the dating and living together happened because we feel each is the only one who gets the other (unless the other is causing the stress) What Can I do to be more effective...I do not want to give up on us. He is my best friend in the whole world. I have the most fun with him and he is absolutely the love of my life... I try to be patient (because that is what I would want) I'm thinking we should see one of those counselors who help the individuals and also the couple because then he know all situation in and out and can help on more level than it we had 3 different ones....Can 2 pople with simular learning disabilties and different coping stragies have a happily ever after??
- Therapist Suggestion to Be More Separate Not Helpful by: Anonymous (not verified) 16 years 10 months ago
My husband didn't find out that he was add/adhd until a year ago, at age 51. We've been married 24 years now, and the damage that has been done over the course of so many years is overwhelming. We are now trying to communicate in ways like you've suggested here. My husband is now on Concerta and is in therapy, we've just started couple's counseling, and I am getting my own therapist now. (we are in a new location)
I can see where my reactions to the adhd were and still are at times like so many other non- adders. But, I am getting upset by how my husband is interpreting his counselors suggestions about having me be so "seperate". We have lived for years as roomates, and I don't want this to continue. We have lived seperate lives and a great deal of that became a way of life for my husband.
I know I need my "own" things, which I've always had, but being physically disabled by a chronic pain disability now prevents me from working a full time job, and it limits me as to how much "seperate" I can be from the house, etc. As far as interaction, I wrongly reacted by grasping at any time or interaction I could get by becoming more involved with my husband's life, but that drove him further away, and I lost myself in the process.
Now, we know that we were both affecting the relationship, but my husband has broken away from the relationship so completely it doesn't look like we will be able to recover. He said he wanted me to give him a chance to prove he could be the husband he wanted to be, but his inability to even touch me or even approach talking about subjects that we need to is also becoming overwhelming.
Are there any suggestions you could give me for trying to begin a better relationship by the responses I have, etc?
- Do People Choose Specific Types of Spouses? by: Anonymous (not verified) 16 years 10 months ago
I was diagnosed ADHD fairly recently (two years ago in my late 30s). I find that much of the conflict in my own marriage arised from my wife's suspicion that my behavior is poor character rather than physiological. This is of course partly true in this sense: my character developed the way it developed because I had ADHD and was not diagnosed until my character had been formed and reinforced for years. I was ADHD when we married. There was no bait and switch because I have always had difficulties with organization and planning and executing tasks. I am from any "normal" standard quite accomplished despite this fact, although I am not too much help around the house. I add to chaos even when I am trying to fight it. My wife, who is skeptical about 1) the existence of ADHD; 2) my own diagnosis; and 3) my own sincerity in my efforts to improve, thinks that having been diagnosed and prescribed medications I should now have all the good qualities she liked about me and none of the qualities she does not like. Would that this were true -- maybe -- but it is not true.
I am beginning to suspect that just as people who marry alchoholics frequently have their own dysfunctions, so too do people who chose to marry someone with the behaviors associated with ADHD. My wife used to find my befuddled character charming and to like my spontaneous wit and creativity. Now she has to live with the attending down-side. She seems to be more conscious of my failings than her own -- indeed, my failings are somewhat convenient in that they make her own failings and failures seem less bad to her own self-image.
I am curious to hear other people's experience. I wonder if "comorbid" dysfunction is common and whether it has certain characteristics.