Recent Comments
- by: c ur self - I married my ADD wife when she was 46...16 years later, we have suffered a lot of avoidable pain due to the dynamic you are experiencing...What made it avoidable was something that we don't want to accept, and only the pain of reality (what is possible) forces us there....So in my attempt to help you to not experience a lot of the pain that I have, I will tell you this; Never attempt to think for him....What is simple organization for you and I, is NOT for them...If you step back, and SEE his chaotic life...>>> on Forum topic - Scheduling Challenges
- by: c ur self - If I was an influence in your life...I would probably tell you to just STOP, and breathe....Then I would probably give you a massage, or at least a long hug!...I feel you! Try to not place expectations on yourself that are unrealistic and have built themselves up in your mind based on the failings of others....To be our best self for those we love, we will always have to at peace in our minds and spirit... (((Hugs))) c>>> on Forum topic - It depends on me
- by: bnslr - I can tell you that what I've read from your comment also feels completely like it is. I'm going very fast into a defensive mode, not intentionally but I have a big difficulty talking and regulating my emotions when I talk. I completely shut down. I ignore her feelings this way. I do believe that I hurt her, and the hurt continues every time we have an argument. There's a need for me to look deeper in this. My girlfriend says it may come from a past trauma. Fixing it doesn't really feel counterintuitive....>>> on Forum topic - As an ADD/ADHD person how would you react on verbal misbehaviour?
- by: Peacefull111 - Your post is definitely relatable I think many of us have been there feeling the adhder is actually also a narcissist. I feel your pain on this... I hope you're doing ok and taking care of yourself. Being in these relationships is definitely very hard and emotionally and physically draining. I think when my partner appears like a narcissist he may be demonstrating autism possibly . It's like he has no idea how to connect or see things from my perspective. keep us updated on what you end up doing. Since we...>>> on Forum topic - Divorce and questions on narcissism
- by: Swedish coast - It seems both you and your spouse have reached the ends of your patience with each other. I think you have been hurting her, even if it was never your intention. There are two ways to go from here. Either you embrace her perspective and try to stop hurting her even though she is now acting aggressively. The behavior you describe would equal destructive fighting and contempt which has been known to give the marriage a poor prognosis. Or you fight her accusations to maintain your self-image as a good person...>>> on Forum topic - As an ADD/ADHD person how would you react on verbal misbehaviour?
- by: AdeleS6845 - This is an old post, but I just discovered it. Reading about "withholding" sex got me a little irritated. "Withholding" sex from a partner implies that they are entitled to sex, which is simply not true.>>> on Forum topic - Does it always come down to sex???
- by: bnslr - Oke wow after reading this, i think there's more of a personality shit going on together with ADHD/ADD. For example, I am a person with ADD and i'm together with my spouse for two years. I would never tell her not to go out with friends, i will never tell her not to touch finances. I trust her when she goes out, I trust her with money, I trust her with our friends. But... She's getting into a burn-out depression because I can not talk that easy. I shut down very easy. I never learned to talk about my...>>> on Blog entry - 9 Tips for When Non-ADHD Spouses Just Can’t Cope Anymore
- by: bnslr - Hey man, I got diagnosed with ADD beginning of 2024. While my journey and my relationship is still very "new" about two years, and met each other while I was in a burn-out from old work and a broken relationship. Well it really clicked, and the care and love I felt from her were enormously and that's how I also got out of my burn-out and i was strengthening up to be better. Right now, i'm taking rilatin and it helps me a lot with focus and getting motivated at work. (new work) but I already feel burned out...>>> on Blog entry - 9 Tips for When Non-ADHD Spouses Just Can’t Cope Anymore
- by: swampyankee - I recognized ADHD symptoms 15 years ago in my husband, and have yet to get him to see the signs in his own behavior. He's unfortunately very good at explaining them all away--or deflecting them onto other people, if he can. It's come down to the ultimatum that he get tested for ADHD and begin using strategies to mitigate his symptoms, or we separate. Ironically enough, in true ADHD fashion, he didn't take any of my unhappiness seriously until it became a crisis. So I guess my advice is this: Set hard...>>> on Forum topic - I suspect my husband has ADD but he is in denial
- by: flylorider - Thanks Swedish Coast for your comments. I feel your pain and I totally agree it isn't about lack of love or care. Time will tell on this one.>>> on Forum topic - Scheduling Challenges
- by: flylorider - Thank-you adhd32 for your comments. Sometimes I think it always comes back to boundaries.>>> on Forum topic - Scheduling Challenges
- by: YourMindIsYourHeart1 - I am a female with ADHD and I really want to help. One of the biggest problems I’ve experienced having ADHD Is the tip of the iceberg syndrome, aka, Often times I have thought about Whatever situation I am talking to someone about SO MUCH in my own head I’ve basically written a novel/doctorate thesis up there before even talking to the person and I tell them The punch line of the whole thing and they’re confused as **** (edited). Years of feeling vastly underestimated, misunderstood and being labeled as...>>> on Forum topic - Does it always come down to sex???
- by: Swedish coast - Sometimes nothing feels right, I can truly understand that. It seems unfair that we need to share our children with those who've betrayed us. I resolved to at least be relieved by my ex husband. It's not ideal to be without the children half the time, but I found I desperately needed the rest.>>> on Forum topic - I'm ashamed, but today i wish my son didnt have ADHD
- by: J - Hi C, I'm sorry to hear about you're situation as I know you've tried very hard to make things work with you're wife. As far as you overthinking and wanting to do something about it, the comment I just made in response about control and getting angry actually is a quote from my girlfriends son when asked why he doesn't watch the news. He has ADHD along his his mother. He explained, when he watches the news, he sees things that upset him that he can't control....."amd when I can't control something, I get...>>> on Forum topic - Overthinking; & over analyzing
- by: Elliej - Hi swedish. How are you? Ive recently had a weeks break. Its a catch22, as i dont want to loose my son 50%. So i will silently scream into the internet whilst my ex makes comments about me keeping the microwave, toaster (that i paid for) and 15year old iron. Divorce brings out a different side.>>> on Forum topic - I'm ashamed, but today i wish my son didnt have ADHD
- by: 1Melody1 - This sounds awful and I wonder as another poster suggested if the preacher is the one with narcissim. Not that knowing so would help anything I guess. :( I hope she starts to prioritize what your counseller is saying to you as a couple over what the preacher has said. It sounds as if she may be trying to filter out his influence over your marriage at least, which is good news. Wishing you both so much happiness and I apologize for any misinterpretation of your story. It sounds like you're doing the best...>>> on Forum topic - Thank you for the information
- by: 1Melody1 - I think there comes a time (soon, from the sounds of your story) where your own and your son's wellbeing will have to be prioritized. Though my ex wasn't depressed, the rest of your description rings very true for me and it became clear that my health and the healthy upbringing of our daughter were both being greatly sacrificed just to support his massive black hole of 'needs.' I'd intended to wait to leave until my daughter was going to post-secondary, but my body gave out earlier from the stress... I'd...>>> on Forum topic - Having the trifecta:- depression + anxiety + ADHD...how to cope?
- by: Swedish coast - He should spend more time with your ADHD son. Maybe 50%, or at this time more since you're not feeling well. I suggest you send your son to his father's for a week straight away and get some rest to start with. It shouldn't even be negotiable since you're ill. Dear Elliej, I hope for the best for you.>>> on Forum topic - I'm ashamed, but today i wish my son didnt have ADHD
- by: Swedish coast - I'm sorry you are in this place. A year ago it was my reality too for the most part. I'm afraid I concluded there was not much I as spouse could do to help my now ex-husband, since nothing I did made any difference. He leaned heavily on me for everything. His illness pulled me down. I felt it was morally hard to leave somebody so deep in illness. Then my GP told me to get out of the marriage at all costs. It turned out without me my ex husband immediately functioned better. It also turned out he thought...>>> on Forum topic - Having the trifecta:- depression + anxiety + ADHD...how to cope?
- by: J - I can imagine, to no end, this must be the most frustrating and helpless ( maybe hopeless ? ) feeling for you to go through. If you re-read that last sentence, it's exactly what it feels like for the person experiencing debilitating depression. Chronic depression in my experience, is a far bigger issue than ADHD or anxiety to cope with or contend with. To the point: it caused me the inability to function....completely. Just to give you a first hand idea of just how bad this cam get. Not needing sympathy...>>> on Forum topic - Having the trifecta:- depression + anxiety + ADHD...how to cope?