Recent Comments
- by: c ur self - Everyone is different, but, what I have noticed about stimulants and ADD (w/my spouse) is it can be helpful on a personal level as for as maintaining focus at work, or projects that the person commits themselves to each day....It does nothing for behavior or faulty priorities and it enhance's hyper focus because it speeds up brain function...So in a marriage setting it enhance's the fight or flight where denial is present, and will produce more energy for inappropriate pursuits...It has been a deterrent to...>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: ceolfrithtx - It's true, I do need to have another come to Jesus with her, but she's just very limited in what her anxiety can handle, so that's tough. Instead of health insurance, we are on a health sharing ministry that doesn't pay us back promptly, if ever, for medical expenses we file with them. It has been a huge mistake the whole time we've been on it and I am trying so hard to find a job so that I can get us on real health insurance, so that I can possibly talk her into seeing a psychiatrist about getting on ADHD...>>> on Forum topic - New here, I'm the less ADHD spouse, she's the more ADHD one
- by: ceolfrithtx - I don't, but I'm subscribing to this thread. I am somewhat ADHD but my partner has it BAD.>>> on Forum topic - What's the best response when your ADHD Spouse uses ADHD as an excuse?
- by: ceolfrithtx - I sure hope so, I have a lot of hopes pinned on the possibility that things can be better once I convince my partner to try this :( I did ADHD meds for a year or two when I went back to school and I realized that around that time I built up some habits and time awareness that I think I largely KEPT after I stopped taking the medicine. I've seen one study that suggests it's possible for that to happen but haven't researched it very deeply.>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: @griffkat - Also what are the cycles? Is this a common with all ADHD Or just some cases?>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: Swedish coast - The carrying of everything is proof we do have some strength, I agree! And sure, we are all culturally herded towards marriage, and kept respectful of it by well-meaning others who are mainly concerned with the "success" aspect of our lives. I find my own choices have been much more conventional than I thought I was. That too is a bit depressing now. I used to say no romantic relationship is better than a bad one. I was prepared to be alone. Now when I finally am, I feel a sliver of my former self. But...>>> on Forum topic - Quality of life alone
- by: Catterfly - Hi @griffkat, Melissa recommends that with medication, you have to be really clear about what symptoms you're trying to reduce. I agree - that's the only way to make any life decisions like you described (ie leaving). In our case, my husband started ADHD meds in January and reported immediately that it helped him. I only saw minor changes though; he was slightly more helpful on the weekends. But he'd still wander away from me in the middle of a conversation (one of the things that drives me nuts), and...>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: honestly - happen in a cultural and social context, and so they're not entirely freely made. When all your friends and family are getting married, when you feel insecure and uncertain of your future, when society tells you that marriage is an unequivocal good, and someone offers you a way to 'succeed' in that fashion, it's not easy to dismiss; even when marriage turns out to be so very hard, it's somehow harder still to swim against that tide. So please don't beat yourself up - life will do that for you anyway! I...>>> on Forum topic - Quality of life alone
- by: Catterfly - It's all so sad. I feel empathy for you, for our partners, and for all children involved too. No one is getting what they need right now. I'm sending you a hug.>>> on Forum topic - Clarity
- by: Swedish coast - I'll get that book today. And yoga - it's my lifeline too. Two classes in the last week. Thank you for your post. So kind of you.>>> on Forum topic - Quality of life alone
- by: Off the roller ... - To you all who left comments, thank you. The irony is that this morning, my husband blew up at me after not communicating (again) a change in plans only to tell me that I was 'meeting him with anger' and that I was having a pop at him. And then he made it worse by walking in to our son who was listening in the next room and then calmly and collectively, telling our 10 year about the change in plans and what will happen this morning. I mean, WTF!?!?!? I'm living in groundhog day personified and not in a...>>> on Forum topic - The frustration in communication!!! >:/
- by: Off the roller ... - This could have been my post this morning after being told I was meeting my spouse in anger when I was trying to figure out (RE un-f**k) what the change in plans were after it wasn't communicated that plans would need to change. And that sparked off a whole litany of anger between us. So I hear you on this one. My spouse has been only diagnosed a year ago this month and he has horrible chronic depression as well. So they were trying to treat the depression first and then then ADHD. He's only just started...>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: honestly - Thank you Catterfly. I found your post really poignant too - that parental advice given and followed but without anyone having the awareness of neurodivergence that would have allowed us all to know that learning would not happen and mutual understanding deepen in the hoped for way. I spent years lowering my expectations; they could go no lower. I guess they must have hit some kind of bedrock in me because I'm just not prepared to take any of it anymore. I am at 51 absolutely furious for my wasted time, my...>>> on Forum topic - Clarity
- by: honestly - 'The Body Keeps the Score'? It's incredibly helpful on trauma (which is what we've all been going through) and ways to recover. I'd strongly recommend it, alongside joining a yoga class (you'll get to that bit in the book). For me, all kinds of yoga are helpful, but Yin, which is strong but gentle, and focused on slow transitions and long held poses, can release so much trauma and pent up feelings for people. Participants will sometimes cry or laugh in class as the emotion gets released. I don't know if...>>> on Forum topic - Quality of life alone
- by: Swedish coast - There's one thing I might never have learned properly. I wouldn't blame my parents who did a good job parenting. But nobody taught me how to deal with pain.>>> on Forum topic - Quality of life alone
- by: Swedish coast - That's so nice to hear! I've had CBT therapy on and off for years and it surely does help. I think the feeling of worthlessness comes from a sense of major life choice failure. Why did I stay? Why did I pick him to begin with? Why haven't I ever lived alone long enough as an adult to learn some valuable lessons about living? I used to think I was quite strong and talented. Now I mostly see my own weaknesses. On the other hand, others I love have weaknesses too, and that doesn't make them less in my...>>> on Forum topic - Quality of life alone
- by: Swedish coast - I was told by my high-level ADD then husband's excellent psychiatrist that we should expect the medication and therapy startup to take 12-18 months to give us a glimpse of the future. Medication apparently can need several adjustments. Also the ADHD partner's adjustment to the new situation will take time. Meanwhile, I was told to try and work with my then husband to create new routines and try to enjoy myself separately. So I'm under the impression it may take some patience. In our case medication...>>> on Forum topic - Does the medication really help?
- by: Catterfly - Those are really poignant words from your mom. Thanks so much for sharing. I had the same understanding of marriage being hard work. I remember talking with my dad about it when we got engaged 18 years ago. At that time, he said that I can't expect a 32 year old man to behave as well as he would at 56. I adored my dad so I understood that I was likely putting unfair expectations on my then-fiance. Now my husband is closer to 56 and I can see that the problems were much bigger than, as your mom said,...>>> on Forum topic - Clarity
- by: honestly - All you've asked for is loyalty, kindness and respectful communication from a partner. I'd say this is not something YOU need to work on; you just need someone who can show up with that in their repertoire. We end up doing sooooo much work to try and achieve the basics - to be heard, to be treated kindly, to be supported - that we start to feel that it will all always be a struggle. I finally talked to my mum about this - about how I've kept on going for years because we are told that marriage is hard work...>>> on Forum topic - Clarity
- by: honestly - But pre-divorce. I have finally started therapy and it has helped immeasurably. I think often there is stuff to be dealt with that made us vulnerable in the first place to these relationships. I know I had a lot of issues caused by narcissistic parenting, so I didn't understand my own feelings or that they mattered, and had a very fractured and insecure sense of self. This meant that I let his needs dominate mine; I absorbed his RSD, blame shifting and neglect, because I didn't think I was worth better and...>>> on Forum topic - Quality of life alone