Recent Comments
- by: honestly - https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/... this is a UK charity, sorry - but your English is certainly good enough to read the content here! can I draw your attention to myths 1, 10, and 14 in particular. Alcohol is not an explanation, nor are mental health issues, and it is not a brief loss of control. You also are already blaming yourself (you didn't try hard enough to support him with his issues before). Don't blame yourself- and when someone shows you who they are,...>>> on Forum topic - Rage meltdown ending on physical abuse adhd partner
- by: Swedish coast - Thank you for your thoughts. Yes of course. It's my withdrawal of support that brings out the nastiness in him. I think your wife who seems to have acted egoistically for the most part will show this for the same reason. She has naturally been very lucky to have received all this from you, and her life will be harder now. The blame and depreciation is a bitter pill to swallow, though. Were we just a support system with no human value at all? My husband hasn't been frivolous or taken advantage with joy,...>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: J - I'll come back and fix that. Lol>>> on Forum topic - I am Scrooge
- by: c ur self - Reading you, is like a mirror in some ways...(also I have empathy for you, and respect, for wanting to face all of your feelings head on)...Summing up a lot of what you said in this post and the previous one three days ago...Attempting to simplify what you have stated in these two posts, in my own direct way....(your marriage relationship experience's, along w/ mine and many here) What jumps out overall, is the picture of incompatibility...You talk about your short comings in patience...What I experienced...>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: c ur self - When you type out your title in the top box, then put your post in the second box, it will not print...You have to skip a box and type your post in the 3rd box, titled Body...If you already have it typed in the second box, you can cut and paste it into the body box....LOL....think that's right, it happened to me a time or two....>>> on Forum topic - I am Scrooge
- by: Swedish coast - Catterfly, I would imagine none of us can create that safety. Especially when we don't get honesty from the ADHD partner, so don't know what we need to know. Thank you for telling about the book, I found it excellent. I will give it to my sons eventually!>>> on Forum topic - The stranger who now lives in my house
- by: Catterfly - Hi Tat, I went on meds in January and wouldn't have survived without them. They're giving me perspective to make sound decisions (vs fetal position and bed - what I would likely have chosen). There's definitely a place for them. But I also agree with others about taking a hard look at root causes.>>> on Forum topic - Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
- by: Swedish coast - I'm so sorry. It's heartbreaking.>>> on Forum topic - Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
- by: Catterfly - Hi J, I've seen a couple of your messages now that are blank. We've seen that happen before; make sure you're writing the body of the text into the commentary area, not the title.>>> on Forum topic - I am Scrooge
- by: 1Melody1 - I took anti-depressants for a short time. I had situational depression. My doctor said the only real way to solve it was to change the situation. She was 100% right. I tried two meds that wreaked havoc on my body and quickly saw how wrong it was for me to medicate MYself to manage HIS condition. I just had to do the hard thing and get out. I also took sleeping pills to get through the final years of the marriage. I was only sleeping an hour a night out of stress. I now have permanent cognitive decline from...>>> on Forum topic - Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
- by: adhd32 - Why are you looking to medicate yourself? That is like putting a bandaid on skin cancer. Treat the problem instead of tip toeing around it. It sounds as though you are afraid to deal with his issues since the RSD has been more intense over the last 2 years. If you are being abused please leave. He won't change without treatment. Ask yourself why you are willing to sacrifice your own happiness for someone you're only married to for 8 years with the last 25% of the marriage in misery. Get into therapy...>>> on Forum topic - Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
- by: Swedish coast - My GP said I didn't need antidepressants, I needed to get out of the marriage. The soundest advice I've ever had. Not knowing your situation in more detail, I still just wanted to pass that advice on. All the best to you.>>> on Forum topic - Non ADHD spouse, questioning if I should be on meds.
- by: honestly - but I completely recognise the choosing things out of fear. I do this too - out of fear and also fatigue. X>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: Swedish coast - That is so kind of you. I'm so grateful for your support.>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: Swedish coast - Thank you Catterfly. That's so much appreciated. I realized yesterday that I've spent a decade or more choosing most things out of fear.>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: honestly - I just want to let you know that I am standing quietly by you in solidarity. In the weariness and isolation and the blame and the loss of confidence. You may feel alone, but you are not. X>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: Catterfly - This is far from victimization or self-pity. This is your closest partner in life, someone who vowed to protect you, invalidating and dehumanizing you in the worst way he possibly can. It's using what you've shared with him against you. It's horrible, horrible abuse. But, I think about how far you've come in life with this horrible emotional handicap, and can only imagine what you'll be able to do as you heal. You are a superhero who is only now getting away from your kryptonite. My heart goes out...>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: Swedish coast - Sometimes I manage to think his behavior during divorce was just RSD on maximum volume which sort of takes away its impact. Not today though. Thank you Off the roller. I'm glad you are helped by your friends. It's vital.>>> on Forum topic - Confidence
- by: Catterfly - Hi Off the Roller, I would add to the above from my own experience: my husband admitted in couples counselling that he has never really told me his truth about anything. He was a master of figuring out what I wanted to hear and providing that. I think it was a coping mechanism he developed early in life to deal with emotional trauma from his parents. I always had a sense that something wasn't quite right, but when I pressed him he would stick to his story. So I had to believe it and move on with...>>> on Forum topic - The stranger who now lives in my house
- by: J - Off The Roller, As I read what you said, my gut reaction immediately went to trust. This is without thinking about it or taking my time to mull over any specifics, without any judgment, just a shooting from the hip gut feeling. This is a big deal for me and I imagine, for other folks who ADHD. The fact that I come to this forum and share what I share is because I've learned to trust the people I've encountered here. Without that trust, I probably wouldn't do it. I'm thinking this is probably the first...>>> on Forum topic - The stranger who now lives in my house