Recent Comments
- by: brindle2 - I have had a combination approach. 1) If something came up organically, say, a memory of something hurtful, then I either stopped to grieve it immediately or made a note to myself to make room for it later in the day. 2) I would carve out some alone time and purposefully think of sad things that I know regularly bother me regarding our relationship or his treatment of me. I would remember the event as thoroughly as I could and cry. I purposefully worked to let the tears flow, but I also worked at not...>>> on Forum topic - Grief - how do I work through it?
- by: brindle2 - Also, your first paragraph is so very spot on. Thank you for "seeing" my feelings immediately.>>> on Forum topic - Why am I extra angry now?
- by: brindle2 - I appreciate the thoughtful feedback. Swedish, the comment about how, at some point, our partners can't make up for the neglect really struck me. Shevrae- The possibility of fear... I will watch out for that, searching for clues that fear is behind it. Thank you, for I wouldn't have considered fear. Catterfly - I do feel that I should thank him, and I keep it to a pretty simple "thank you" and casual tone of voice. But I won't make a big deal about it, and part of my reason is that he doesn't really...>>> on Forum topic - Why am I extra angry now?
- by: LnC - Hi there, I'm pretty burned out with my ADHD husband, too, and I did wonder if the NPD was involved as well because of his strong focus on himself (his agenda ahead of those of the family). When I looked up, I found an article about the relevance: (edited - link removed) In the excerpt, it says: "We found that a significant proportion of ADHD patients suffered from NPD, and that both narcissistic grandiosity and vulnerability were associated with ADHD hyperactivity and impulsivity symptoms, but not...>>> on Forum topic - Divorce and questions on narcissism
- by: Swedish coast - I'm so sorry Catterfly that you've been through this too. Your observations are precious to me in healing.>>> on Forum topic - Integrity
- by: Swedish coast - I'm seeing so much possible neurodiversity in people nowadays, since the concept's been revealed to me with my ex husband's diagnosis. I think we are all somewhere on spectra, ADHD, autism or other. Each unique personality is complex, with talent and dysfunction mixed, and I guess I'll never quite get the whole picture even of those closest to me. I've given up trying to categorize people into diagnoses, thinking it's impossible for a non-professional. The furthest I'll go is to describe people as having...>>> on Forum topic - Divorce and questions on narcissism
- by: Swedish coast - I feel a pang of compassion at that scene with the bees by your car. Those tears are from a deep pain. On overthanking at work, that's a good observation, I do it still too. All the time! Thank you Melody for sharing. I appreciate it so much.>>> on Forum topic - Integrity
- by: 1Melody1 - I too felt like I could collapse at any moment because I was always giving and never getting back. On the flipside of what you described,when strangers were kind to me, I would feel unreasonably appreciative. Like someone merely holding a door for me would cause me to fall over myself in a flood of appreciation. I would just feel such gratitude because no one ever did things for me at home. I remember one distinct instance where bees were swarming the groceries in my car and cart. I am terrified of bees...>>> on Forum topic - Integrity
- by: BurnedOutLady - It sounds like you are in a real bind, but you also know it, so you can take the steps you need to take to protect yourself and your kids. Make a list of every single thing you can think of that would make your life less stressful, safer, more supported, more stable, and more hopeful. Include everything you might do to be more self sufficient. Then take whatever steps you can toward those goals, no matter how small. You will be turning your ship around to a better direction.>>> on Forum topic - Desperate for progress
- by: BurnedOutLady - Thank you for sharing this. I will chew on this all day. It is absolutely essential advice for someone in the midst of divorce.>>> on Forum topic - a quote that might help
- by: Catterfly - Hi Preggo, Congrats on expecting baby #2! But as for the ADHD questions, I feel for you. I have two kids, ages 12 and 14 now, and had no idea what was going on back when they were born. My ADHD husband wasn't diagnosed until a year ago. My mental health suffered tremendously. Here are some survival tips I learned along the way: - Get any help you can. Occasional housekeeping, occasional meal deliveries or meal kit deliveries, grocery deliveries, visits from friends, and find a babysitter in your...>>> on Forum topic - Desperate for progress
- by: Catterfly - Hi brindle2, Your description of your husband's efforts gets my hackles up a bit, too, and I agree with Swedish that it's a healthy reaction, as well as the second comment that it could be driven by fear. I would add that you may also be experiencing a bit of cognitive dissonance. Whether you praise his tiny effort and give him a gold star, or ignore his effort, either way you can't maintain your own integrity. In the first case integrity to your hurt and your need to express that he has to do more, ...>>> on Forum topic - Why am I extra angry now?
- by: BurnedOutLady - >>> on Forum topic - RSD is just total hell
- by: Catterfly - I love this, Roller! I remember reading it in the book and thinking that's how I've lived my life. And it's true for my professional life. But at home, today, I'm sitting here pondering how to get away from this pain. Rather better to envision the wonderful future! The trouble is that I can't see it. Have you been successful at envisioning the next thing?>>> on Forum topic - a quote that might help
- by: Catterfly - Swedish, I have the same problem in the grocery store and have been wondering for a decade what's wrong with me. I now have almost all groceries delivered directly to the house. But on the occasion where I have to go buy toothpaste, for example, I can't even enter aisles if there are other people in them. I shop early in the morning, or late at night to avoid the crowds. I've had a lot of tragedy in my life, so chalked it all up to an undiagnosed anxiety disorder. It never occurred to me that it could...>>> on Forum topic - Integrity
- by: Papajack (not verified) - Very funny. Thanks.>>> on Blog entry - Adventures with ADHD: Chakra Rock Down the Hatch
- by: Papajack (not verified) - Take it one step at a time. Go to therapy for you.>>> on Forum topic - Undiagnosed ADHD and marital problems
- by: Papajack (not verified) - WOW! This is great. My wife and I are doing this. I have ADHD. We are new to this. We have been married 52 years and discovered this just three months ago. Thanks for sharing.>>> on Forum topic - a positive note
- by: shevrae - Sometimes anger can be covering over other emotions that don't feel safe to feel or identify. I find that when my pwADHD finally starts doing something, I become afraid that as soon as I start counting on him to do the thing and think I can take it off my mental list - he'll quit and I'll have to deal with the disappointment of that. And that has happened enough times for me to know it's a real possibility. I just get so TIRED of feeling afraid that anger feels more empowering.>>> on Forum topic - Why am I extra angry now?
- by: Off the roller ... - Thank you Swedish, I always appreciate when you take the time and effort to comment on any blog post, but specifically my own. This is such a tough situation but I'm trying to change my own mind set to what I can control and the narrative I allow myself. But it all still sucks. I think of you all the time as well and wonder where you got your username from as I spent time in Sweden a long time ago and have so many happy memories from it. It's from another life too :) So any/every time you comment, it makes...>>> on Forum topic - narcissism & sadness