Recent Comments
- by: Off the roller ... - Hi Papjack, glad you posted here and you are amoungst friends. I am conscious of telling you what to do or anything like that, but from reading your description about your wife above and her relationship/support system in the preacher, I can put myself in her shoes a bit as the non-ADHD. Melissa has some GREAT articles on this site around the similarities of narcissism and ADHD - they really do overlap. And like your wife, I too have struggled for the last few years trying to sort out if my husband (...>>> on Forum topic - Thank you for the information
- by: New to this (not verified) - If your husband is being told to leave you by a coworker \ boss \ consular through no fault of yourself why would you not snoop around. When I found out and printed everything out I confronted my wife. We agree to go to marriage consuling. We learned to talk and listen. We are happy and working our stuff out. If I had not snooped she would be gone without telling me why. I did not know she was upset and for 9 months he had been filling her head negative stuff about me. I would of killed myself. She has...>>> on Forum topic - Thank you for the information
- by: New to this (not verified) - I want to add I have stopped looking at her stuff, and we are working on it. We have been together for 55 years. Since age 14. Married 52 years. Thank you for your reply.>>> on Forum topic - Thank you for the information
- by: New to this (not verified) - Thank you for your reply. My wife and I were happy until the preacher started counseling her. We traveled in our camper a lot. I have never looked at her stuff in 55 years. The narcissist information she was given information a narcissist uses sex to control the spouse. So, withhold sex to take his power away. I have never met this preacher. Once a spouse gets attached to someone and starts talking negatively about their spouse, it starts a slippery slope. My wife has mentioned stuff that never happened....>>> on Forum topic - Thank you for the information
- by: New to this (not verified) - Thank you for your kind reply. Someone else has said the same thing about the preacher. My wife said she would retire in March so we can go camping more. But yesterday she told me she had changed her mind. I will be getting therapy next month. I have to let this run its course.>>> on Forum topic - Thank you for the information
- by: 1Melody1 - I think it's really unfortunate that someone is diagnosing you and your marriage without knowing you and possibly without having the credentials to accurately do so. This person obviously holds a lot of influence and you fear that any attempt to unseat this person from your wife's life will mean the end. Having said that, you might consider reflecting on a few parts of your story that you can control. Your wife "withholding" sex, may not be that at all. She doesn't ever owe you sex and if she was...>>> on Forum topic - Thank you for the information
- by: J - There's lots to unpack in your situation, but I can say a few things that have helped me when anxiety starts taking over my thoughts. I go through a kind of mental check list to try and get my head in the right place and bring me back to center. I find it difficult to get the sleep I need, make good decisions and do what I need to do when I'm in a state. This only becomes a vicious cycle unless I can gain control of myself. My checklist may includes thoughts like these: - I only have control of myself,...>>> on Forum topic - Thank you for the information
- by: Swedish coast - The sad thing about systems to improve ADHD executive skills, is their success depends on ADHD partner executive skills. My ex husband and I have gone through hundreds of schemes. Nothing has stuck. Everything has petered out in a few weeks at most. Even the careful plans crafted by professionals, big boards of weekly plans on the kitchen wall, digital reminders chiming day in day out, the lot. It's almost certainly not lack of love, nor is it depreciation. It's just dysfunction. To me, in the end the...>>> on Forum topic - Scheduling Challenges
- by: adhd32 - Accept that you cannot change, help, or get him to refocus. Accept this is his best. What if his plans to get a diagnosis never come to fruition? If you don't want to live in limbo consider some boundaries. Getting a diagnosis will not change much unless he is committed to the program. It would require a great deal of effort from him. So your boundaries can be about him moving forward with his own treatment. Just watch how things progress without any input from you. If he decides it is too much for...>>> on Forum topic - Scheduling Challenges
- by: Swedish coast - Thank you for your support. You must be right. Others do not see the load we carry. Even the closest family members whom I've confided in still presume I'll take all hosting initiatives for extended family, and seem to think hanging out with me means being taken care of like a child. Meanwhile I whimper and shake with exhaustion. This relationship distortion is almost more threatening than the ADD marriage was in itself. I can't get rid of everyone who misinterprets my situation. On the contrary, I need...>>> on Forum topic - It depends on me
- by: Papajack (not verified) - When a man wants to masturbate, is he supposed to wait until the wife is ready for sex? My wife's sex drive is different than mine. The other night, I started thinking of my wife at 2 AM being bad. Was I supposed to wake her up or go ahead and masturbate?>>> on Blog entry - 9 Reasons Porn Hurts
- by: 1Melody1 - Really sorry you're experiencing this. I am still too. I have sole custody of my daughter, but I've been parenting for two since she was born anyway when it quickly became clear my then-husband wasn't up to the responsibilities. I have always struggled with trying to ensure she doesn't feel like she's missing out in any way because of his shortcomings. I baked all the cookies and hosted all the friends and drove her to the activities and spent extra time with her reading, playing, going on outings, etc....>>> on Forum topic - It depends on me
- by: honestly - has made me cry. I have become so strung out, so fragile, so tangled in my own head, so overwhelmed with gratitude for tiny courtesies and kindnesses. I see now why; I didn't see before. Thank you.>>> on Forum topic - Integrity
- by: honestly - Ive just been redecorating the shower room thaft he decorated several years ago as a one off - I dio 99.9% of DIY. Now before I could begin I had to clean up the crappy job he'd done - still scraping off the old colour paint from the shower tiles and screen.>>> on Forum topic - Why am I extra angry now?
- by: 1Melody1 - I really feel you here. I got so tired of getting no help 98% of the time and then whenever he did the smallest thing, even if whatever he did actually caused MORE work for me, I was expected to be endlessly grateful. (Your example of buying the wrong groceries hits home.) And the RSD... my husband didn't want to face accountability for his challenges. When I unpacked the groceries he brought home and I asked if he has the milk and supplies for school lunches the next day... it was just so much easier for...>>> on Forum topic - Why am I extra angry now?
- by: honestly - My DX OH has done exactly this. He's not medicated and has now taken on some domestic responsibility after two decades of simply not bothering and letting me run myself into the ground. The only difference is that I asked for a divorce. TBF, the efforts he makes are risible. He vacuums and the floor's still dirty. He cooks and it's inedible. He shops and brings home foods nobody likes, and sometimes specifically asked him not to buy. And I am expected to be grateful. I'm not. I pretend to be but I am...>>> on Forum topic - Why am I extra angry now?
- by: Swedish coast - Speaking openly, I agree, that would have been so helpful. Awareness. Ability to speak calmly about the facts of life. I have divorced for the same reasons exactly.>>> on Forum topic - Overthinking; & over analyzing
- by: c ur self - Step one is for her to be in a place that suits her life style...Anyone who has such a disdain for marriage responsibilities (and refuses them) shouldn't have to look at a spouse everyday...I know if I was her, I would have been gone...But, she is more concerned about the fallout, plus, she knows I'm no threat, I make her life easy...It's obvious she was expecting this day (Day I asked her to leave) she went right to work getting her empty house ready to move into...Although I know w/ her add, it will take...>>> on Forum topic - Overthinking; & over analyzing
- by: SKC - My heart goes out to you. I would suggest that you focus on getting healthy for yourself. I see that you state that you're working on your drinking issue. Do all that you can to receive the support you need. If that means meetings, mentor, anything. You already know that drinking just exacerbates the issue. But at this point, you'll have to focus on yourself. Of course, be as kind as you can. Be focused on the fact that when you immerse yourself in love and speaking with love, no matter what it is always...>>> on Blog entry - ADHD Marriage - I'm "Tired Out"
- by: Swedish coast - Trying to understand the ADHD mind certainly can make one ruminate endlessly with no conclusion. I now post divorce perceive ADD's effect on my life most of all as a void. When speaking to children's friends' parents and attending child activities, I get a notion of how our family has always differed from others, and it's the negatives that strike me. No we could never do this. No, we have never pursued that. No we usually didn't. Travel. Social gatherings. Hobbies. Sport. Now he's gone too, I'm grieving...>>> on Forum topic - Overthinking; & over analyzing