Recent Comments

  • by: Peacefull111 - 4 months 2 weeks ago
    I also loved my adhd partner so much that I made excuses for his alcoholism. I studied everything I could about adhd and gave him money to try to help and the pain never went away. Neither did the insults he gave me and disrespect. The longer you stick around in an unhealthy relationship the worst it will hurt you. I advise to distance your self now before you end up getting badly hurt as well. I also felt like the strong one at one point because I was neurotypical but over the years this will take a toll...
    >>> on Forum topic - Rage meltdown ending on physical abuse adhd partner

  • by: 1Melody1 - 4 months 2 weeks ago
    Ha ha - great minds, Swedish!  I so agree with what you've said about self respect as well as growing resentment from feeling silenced.
    >>> on Forum topic - I was critical and impatient

  • by: Swedish coast - 4 months 2 weeks ago
    I frankly don't think anyone can be a safety net for another adult's abandon for decades and not be resentful. The task is impossible. Take all the crap and not complain? Who with any self respect would? Especially if for years or decades, there wasn't even a diagnosis to explain why the non should accept it? I dislike that non-ADHD partners are told not to voice their needs. Sure, for years it may look like the non partner can handle the strain and wear. It may seem fair that they shoulder an immense...
    >>> on Forum topic - I was critical and impatient

  • by: 1Melody1 - 4 months 2 weeks ago
    I strongly believe that it's wrong for experts to call out non-ADHD spouses for "nagging." It's blame shifting to the wrong party and honestly incredibly sexist since it's usually reserved as a negative term directed at women. The responsibility should be on the party with ADHD to implement systems and address symptoms so they can be more accountable partners. The already traumatized party should not be made to feel even worse for simply communicating simple household needs that are commonplace in any...
    >>> on Forum topic - I was critical and impatient

  • by: 2lawyers - 4 months 2 weeks ago
    I am still in the thick of the despair you described prior to ending the marriage. This all sounds so familiar. I read on one of the blogs on this site that I should not nag, ever. And yet I struggle with how to do that. Instinctively I was already doing that, but how it manifests is feeling an inability to say anything at all about anything. I'm afraid it will sound judgmental. It might even truly be judgmental, in a passive aggressive way. My partner's neglected responsibilities are important. I can be...
    >>> on Forum topic - I was critical and impatient

  • by: janapal - 4 months 2 weeks ago
    I used to think reading someone's conversations was too low and an ugly thing to do... until I move in with my ADHD partner. He only really stopped with the lying and emotional affairs when I told him I WILL read everything, I will let the other person know I'm reading it and so will their significant other/family/whatever - and followed through with what I said.
    >>> on Blog entry - My Partner is Having an Affair. Now What?

  • by: Swedish coast - 4 months 2 weeks ago
    It's good that you get out of this. I'm sorry you've had to go through the strain. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse

  • by: charmingtempest - 4 months 2 weeks ago
    I want to thank everyone for their thoughtful and non:judgemental input. I am both happy and sad to report that I was forced eventually to block him   Happy because I am safe and at peace. I feel the anxiety draining Fromm  me day by day. Sad because I said goodbye several times and he just didn't get it.   I feel a bit cruel, just taking him off my Facebook and blocking him and all of that and he feels like I lied to him about caring about him and I feel terrible for that but it just wasn't livable...
    >>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse

  • by: J - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    After writing this, it brought back a few memories of my dad. It reminded me that he was very ill much of my childhood. When I was about 8 years old, the doctor told him he only had about 5 years to live if he didn't stop smoking. He'd been smoking since he was 10 years old ( according to him ) but I think it was possibly earlier than that. In the end, he did stop and started exercising.  When he'd take me to early morning swim workouts before school, he would ride his bike around the neighborhood at the...
    >>> on Forum topic - I am Scrooge

  • by: Swedish coast - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    Thank you for those kind words.  Assigning him more responsibilities is probably the best way forward. Or - if he's (as I expect) incapable of shopping clothes and gear at the appropriate time and thinking of haircuts - maybe I should take the children out for those things on his weeks when it suits me. Why should he have calm uninterrupted time with them just being present, while I scurry on my weeks to get everything done? It should at least be noticeable that I'm relieving him of responsibilities. I...
    >>> on Forum topic - The relaxed happy ex

  • by: Catterfly - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    Hi Swedish, This is truly awful, and frankly callous and mean of your ex.  Of course you're feeling depleted. This is one of the most stressful things people can go through in life, and having an ex who can only focus on the "now" (so can never self-reflect or apologize for the past) makes it even more heartbreaking. It's ok for your kids to see your humanity.  Once you've processed enough grief to come back to yourself, they know you'll be their foundation.  In fact I bet that they know that already,...
    >>> on Forum topic - The relaxed happy ex

  • by: J - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    I'm having a really difficult time even following this, in fact, it makes no real sense what so ever? All I hear is a lot of "you" language: you, you, you....then, I, I , ...and us...then I....then back to you. Sounds like he's trying to say everything is all your fault but mostly, it just sounds like a bunch of random words pulled out of a hat and strung together to form a sentence. Very difficult to understand what he's actually trying to say?    
    >>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse

  • by: J - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    I'd block him too.
    >>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse

  • by: Swedish coast - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    And yes, I think you should block him.
    >>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse

  • by: Swedish coast - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    An ADD person wanting to get even after a perceived injustice but not realizing their impact sounds realistic to me. I have a feeling there is very little self-awareness in and after an RSD episode. There isn't much self awareness the rest of the time either. You may be traumatized but the ADD person doesn't understand it. What's more, they think in the end they are the victim. 
    >>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse

  • by: J - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    on the playground in grade school who feels he's been wronged or hurt and hits back regardless if it's right or wrong. Fueled by anger alone. Think of a child, having a temper tantrum who's out of control. Think of a child who feels they've been wronged and feels the need to get even. Now, Think about that same child getting behind the wheel of an automobile and has road rage because someone cuts then off. This is closer to what I'm saying...using a child like logic and thinking process. As well as an...
    >>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse

  • by: Catterfly - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    What you describe is really extreme.  In the end it doesn't matter if it's ADHD; it's abuse.  You need to get away immediately.  It will escalate from verbal and emotional abuse (which this is) to even worse. As an aside, I think this sounds like a personality disorder more than ADHD.   
    >>> on Forum topic - Symptoms of ADHD or verbal abuse

  • by: J - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    "While self-centeredness usually stems from selfish motives, self-absorption is often an unintentional behavior that can be addressed with conscious effort and awareness." C.....Your comment sparked my curiosity so I had to look this up. You mentioned self centered and I immediately went to: or is it self absorbed? Apparently, there is a subtle difference which has to do with the motivation and intention behind it. This is news to me but started the wheels turning. But what if a person is both? That's...
    >>> on Forum topic - Confidence

  • by: Catterfly - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    I hear you - this has been my life too, for the past twenty years.  I'm so sorry that it's continuing even after you've made a decision to separate. Some things that resonate for me: continuous anxiety about not having the full picture of the plans, assumptions that conflicts have been resolved (by time, not talking), coming and going at will with no explanation or consideration of the family responsibilities, and continuous anxiety that he will disappoint the kids by going back on his promises, or else...
    >>> on Forum topic - I think I'm losing my mind

  • by: Swedish coast - 4 months 3 weeks ago
    ADD disability seems different than all physical disabilities. Its invisible, so no one believes it. It doesn't in my experience involve motivation primarily. The deficiency is in execution. Setting up goals, making plans, communicating them and coordinating with other people to make them happen. Making decisions. Getting to it. Getting started. Remembering. Prioritizing. Changing strategy when needed. Finishing. My ex husband also said he had no dreams, no goals, no ideas, no sense of the future. He...
    >>> on Forum topic - Confidence

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