Recent Comments
- by: swampyankee - Our accounts are all joint--although, for reasons which may become clear as you read this, I'd like to separate them entirely. We have separate (joint) accounts for different uses. So: clothes money goes in the clothes account, car money goes into the car account, "event" (birthdays) money goes in the event account....you get the idea. However, ADHD impulsivity still rears its ugly head, even in these "practical" areas..for instance my (un-diagnosed, in-denial) husband literally told me one morning that...>>> on Forum topic - Husband and I Disagree about what "fun money" should be used for
- by: AdeleS6845 - I don't see anything wrong with your husband deciding to use his "fun money" towards new clothes as long as the bills are paid. I don't see the problem with it. I'll admit this post was a little triggering for me because I have an ex husband who controlled every cent that I spent whether I was working outside the home or not. He got to spend money on whatever he wanted, but I did not.>>> on Forum topic - Husband and I Disagree about what "fun money" should be used for
- by: adhd32 - Hard and fast rules are needed if you really want change and aren't afraid to put your foot down. If you are hesitating because you are afraid this action will end your relationship consider that he is manipulating you now and not acting in YOUR best interest. If you do nothing you will get the same from him. In order for a change to occur, something must change. That change must come from you. To answer how you secure your own future, you tell him no more money. No discussion. You know it is not...>>> on Forum topic - Financial Matters and Frustration
- by: bnslr - Hey there C! Thanks for the heartwarming comment. I "C" what you mean :-) This is indeed what's happening and I started noticing this when I talked this week with my spouse. This balance really needs to be considered as it's a lot lot more healthy to go with. I'm in realisation that lately I went into depressive feelings, emotions and habits. I was sleeping a lot, had no energy left, and my moral was seriously down. I'm trying and I'm learning! Thanks again!>>> on Blog entry - 9 Tips for When Non-ADHD Spouses Just Can’t Cope Anymore
- by: c ur self - I love it when I see spouse's work together (transparency)....And as most on this site know, if one spouse has some difficulty in spending, long term planning, or impulsive action's it can cause issues, it can lead to knee jerk decisions like attempting to mother, think for, or control....Which are all highly disrespectful, and will always lead to conflict and disagreements and inability to communicate.... I suggest in the area's you can't find agreement, that you find acceptance...If there are things...>>> on Forum topic - Husband and I Disagree about what "fun money" should be used for
- by: Catterfly - That must have been so hard, Swedish. Caring has to be the most important part of a partnership and I think it was so brave of you to accept that loss. I've read some of your post history and I can really feel my courage picking up, having seen you already go through this. Thank you so much for sharing with us all.>>> on Forum topic - Clarity
- by: Swedish coast - Maybe you feel stressed by the family's economy or have experienced bad financial decisions in your husband. In that case I totally understand cold feet when it comes to fast spending. If not, I'd suggest you show generosity around your husband's wardrobe. If you encourage spending to make him look good and feel confident, that is a very personal and loving gesture. You could perhaps enjoy a little shopping together to celebrate his success and treat both of yourselves to something nice? / Read your post...>>> on Forum topic - Husband and I Disagree about what "fun money" should be used for
- by: Swedish coast - Your description of non-negotiables is crystal clear and to the point. It applies to me too. My husband scored the 2, but not 1 or 3. That's why I stayed for so long. He was extremely caring, but had no executive capacity to act. I do think a lot of ADHD marriage problems appear in other marriages too. Have realized though that I will never be able to compare really. It's so hard to understand what's in another person's marriage, even your best friends. Catterfly, I ache for you. With your clarity of...>>> on Forum topic - Clarity
- by: c ur self - I know I have been in a bad relationship from the beginning....And I agree with everything you said here...Also, when I think about you (your posts) I see a intelligent lady, a lady who see's reality quiet clearly...But like myself has experienced the unwanted arrow's to her heart.... The reason I stayed for 16 years is simple (for me)...In simple terms....16 years ago I took a vow to God, and my wife...I was the one between the two of us that was married (for better or worse, in sickness and health,...>>> on Forum topic - Overthinking; & over analyzing
- by: adhd32 - I honestly wish my ADHD husband cared about his clothes and appearance. He has gained considerable weight from sitting around on his phone and everything he owns is at least 10 years out of date. If you aren't stretched to the max and have some wiggle room why is the purchase of something he needs relegated to thrift stores? Buying and wearing new clothes one loves is often a positive experience and a way of outwardly expressing oneself. I'm am not sure why part of his bonus cannot be used by him to...>>> on Forum topic - Husband and I Disagree about what "fun money" should be used for
- by: c ur self - I feel for you, it' obvious by what you've written here, you see your self pretty well....No, no one deserves to be talked to like you said was happening....But, it sounds like it's coming from a person who is giving up hope...A person who feels unappreciated....In describing your weekend's your dark humor, alcohol, etc....What I am hearing is a man who is choosing to stand in the fire, while crying for help to be put out...Think about more self control, less being the life of the party, and more about...>>> on Blog entry - 9 Tips for When Non-ADHD Spouses Just Can’t Cope Anymore
- by: scoullard@outlo... - Thank you. I hope both of our spouses will see themselves for who they really are. In the meantime I appreciate your support.>>> on Forum topic - I suspect my husband has ADD but he is in denial
- by: Swedish coast - A thoughtful observation. Being somebody's crutch takes a lot of patience. If nothing is offered in return, and the helped one mainly spends their time enjoying themselves elsewhere, it's hard to keep up the help.>>> on Forum topic - Overthinking; & over analyzing
- by: Swedish coast - "We were abandoned by our spouses long ago but continued to fight for the relationship we thought we had" That moves me. That is so true.>>> on Forum topic - Overthinking; & over analyzing
- by: J - I'm an ADHD guy so your question relates to me. Your girlfriend mentioned past trauma and that does play a part in my reactions at times. It's not the only thing but for me it's very specific. As a child, I had a parent who would criticize me alot. He was relentless, and this was on going for the majority of my time living with my parents. I thought I'd learn to just ignore it ( which I did for the most part ) but really, all I did was stuff it down and not deal with my feelings at all. The effect this...>>> on Forum topic - As an ADD/ADHD person how would you react on verbal misbehaviour?
- by: adhd32 - I have been on this forum for 7 years and have appreciated your honesty. It took me a long time to realize that your approach of acceptance and boundaries, are the only sane way to go when living with an ADHD spouse. No amount of pleading, hope, or helping can change another person. One must see their spouse for who they are and ask themselves: can I live like this forever if they can't or refuse to work on themselves?? Clinging to hope while the adhd spouse feels entitled to live in their own world...>>> on Forum topic - Overthinking; & over analyzing
- by: Swedish coast - Best wishes for you and your spouse.>>> on Forum topic - As an ADD/ADHD person how would you react on verbal misbehaviour?
- by: Swedish coast - Thank you C, I appreciate so much your kind perspective. The truth is, I'm skidding along on less than full capacity. But I've lost reference points to what a good life is and how energy is conserved. I don't know how to spare myself without anguish for what doesn't happen. This is a good week though. I find spending time socializing and celebrating things really perks me up. I hope you have a good week too!>>> on Forum topic - It depends on me
- by: c ur self - My self inflicted boundary concerning my emotions 12 years are so ago...Sent me from not engaging her w/ negativity and anger, to using self talk and soliloqies to get my frustrations vented....I have worked/prayed a lot about stopping this habit, as it also just increases stress levels...When our frustrations are built around uncaring acts, disrespect, and other wrong behaviors, it's hard to put in to practice a "positivity flip", because there is nothing positive about it...But, you are right about it...>>> on Forum topic - Overthinking; & over analyzing
- by: bnslr - Hey there, just came in to say that yes that's also bad habit of me being very defensive. I need to open up more and try to learn to give her this acknowledgment. Thanks for all the info here everyone!>>> on Forum topic - Re-establiahing everything