Recent Comments
- by: 1Melody1 - My ex also adores his mom (so do I - she's a wonderful human), and he definitely expected me to fulfill gender roles of cooking, cleaning, parenting and caretaking. His dad has ADHD and his mom overfunctions big time, right down to telling him what to wear and eat. I didn't realize/see the root of the issue for years. I mistook her for being overbearing or controlling, but I see now that she adapted to survive with a husband with severe ADHD. She would not have seen divorce as an option (she's in her 80s,...>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: Swedish coast - No I'm sure this can't be easy. I hope you have some real life support too? These challenging life decisions seem to make us all so alone. And nobody can totally understand your unique struggle. Hugs to you.>>> on Forum topic - narcissism & sadness
- by: Swedish coast - That is so awful. I hurt for you.>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: shevrae - In the last couple of years, my husband admitted that he wanted me to be all the "good" parts of his Mom (every idea he has is wonderful, doesn't look to him to get her own needs met, does a lot of the chores around him so he can focus on the work of . . . whatever he is doing at the time) but none of the "bad" parts (correction, pushing him to become a responsible adult). But also lots of sex! And he also admitted that he resented me from pretty early in our marriage for not meeting those expectations (we...>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: Off the roller ... - This too has come up for me. My spouse is VICIOUS about a female sibling (but never this way towards males) and I find that there are so many unresolved mummy-issues that it's so overwhelming to even try to figure out where to start with it....but at the same time, I'm the verbal punching bag for this as I'm the closest female to him. It SUCKS.>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect
- by: Off the roller ... - Thanks to you all for posting. I have to admit that it's tough to read and even tougher to be honest with myself about how much of this I know already but haven't done anything of substance about just yet. But while I digest - becaude i have no idea which way to go or anything - I wanted to say thank you to you all for taking the time to share. It's just really really hard. And I know I have to choose my hard but this is really hard to sit in.>>> on Forum topic - narcissism & sadness
- by: Swedish coast - I'm so sorry to hear about your distress. The big sadness came over me one day too. Six months out: I'm beginning to feel there is no inbuilt punishment in every day like when we were married. I'm regaining confidence. I even feel good about myself. I'm often sad still but very rarely angry. When overwhelmed, I can soothe myself and it works. It's a miracle. Inside the marriage, there was just so much I could do to ever feel differently. I was chronically unhappy. Out, the world is once again mine to...>>> on Forum topic - narcissism & sadness
- by: Swedish coast - It's nice to know these things resonate in others - though I don't wish it for anybody. I do have children but they're in middle school. Apparently they don't feel their father has let them down. I don't know anything about their life in his house and I don't ask, because I was told children don't want to be questioned or feel double loyalties is a burden. But I think they are deeply devoted to their father. He certainly hasn't ever treated them as he's treated me. The children seem to do really well six...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner no longer “the problem “
- by: sickandtired - When you say, "my brain and body know what to do, are screaming at me to do it, but my heart just doesn't want to listen or understand. It keeps saying 'it's fine, it's going to be ok, it's going to sort itself out, don't worry about it today, nothing you can do' and now days, weeks, months, YEARS have passed" ... I have been where you are. It's miserable to stay, and it's miserable to go. You remind me of me when I was caught in an ever shrinking "comfort zone" with my ex, putting off the breakup because...>>> on Forum topic - narcissism & sadness
- by: 1Melody1 - In my 40s I couldn't stand the example our relationship was setting for our daughter. I would never want the marriage I had for her. I looked ahead and dreaded retiring with him too. I could distract myself by raising our child, but once she was grown and gone, I knew I'd have to fully face the nothingness of our relationship. And as I looked ahead, I knew my role would continue to be maid... cook... breadwinner... caregiver... yet I would probably sometimes need care myself (age-related illnesses, for...>>> on Forum topic - narcissism & sadness
- by: shevrae - I was almost 45 when I asked for a separation. This put my husband into overdrive to fix things and he was willing to try medication for the first time. Two years later the medication does mostly manage his anxiety (which was so bad the kids and I felt unsafe and why I asked for a separation) but he has not done the work to take responsibility for himself the way he promised to 2 years ago. There seems to be something about our mid-40s when we are just over. it.>>> on Forum topic - narcissism & sadness
- by: 1Melody1 - "It's like my brain and body know what to do, are screaming at me to do it..." Nothing has ever encapsulated how I was feeling before I left more than this. I ended things 3 years ago at the very age you are: 45. My body knew years earlier what I had to do but I didn't want to believe it. My advice is to listen to your body - it knows. It's warning you that it can't take this for much longer.>>> on Forum topic - narcissism & sadness
- by: adhd32 - If your spouse is not actively dedicated to improvement on a daily basis you will continue on this roller coaster of a life. One fleeting change brings hope but it all comes crashing down with the next RSD episode where you hang your head and dejectedly seek refuge from the tornado of insults. The bottom line is you have to assess his commitment to change. Is he working on himself? If he is not, you can count on this life until you walk away. His commitment to change is the indicator to his true...>>> on Forum topic - narcissism & sadness
- by: shevrae - I hate that I am in a similar place. I've been married for 25 years and my husband was diagnosed 3 years ago. So for a LONG time, we didn't know and the behaviors were so hurtful. When I would talk about the way I was treated with our marriage counselor he would tell my husband, "That sounds like narcissistic behavior, but I don't think you're a narcissist." So learning that ADHD behaviors can be similar but the difference is in the intention behind the behaviors is cold comfort. I am still hurting. My...>>> on Forum topic - narcissism & sadness
- by: Nevergoodemough - This last paragraph resonates with me. I truly feel like we have nothing in common. How is this possible? We have been together half of our lives and I feel like I have nothing in common with this man. We can't even find any interesting topic anymore to talk about. And if I hear one more complaint about me not being able to meet his physical needs.The ask for something you yourself can't deliver is just mind blowing to me. I do get though the thought process to protect the ego. If one worked so many years...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner no longer “the problem “
- by: Nevergoodemough - OMG the EGO! Anything to protect the ego. I see you know what I am experiencing. I'm sorry you had to go trhough it as well. It's so destructive.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner no longer “the problem “
- by: Nevergoodemough - Good God Dan, I have read several of your replies on this forum and I can't tell you how impressed I am about the valuable contributions you are adding to this community. So thank you for your insight. I'm not sure if he now has found "his community" but I get what you are saying and I think you are on to something. He most definitely has found support somewhere for his actions and behavior. I have been pretty bad with the acceptance part and will not lie, I do wish he was more neurotypical. But we also...>>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner no longer “the problem “
- by: Nevergoodemough - I apologize for the late reply, it has been rather tumultuous here. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I've been in therapy for a while now myself and it's such a hard road to be on when there are constant fights and arguments in the background. I'm worried for my child's mental health and what all this dysfunction is communicating to them. I often wonder how this can ever work again.>>> on Forum topic - ADHD partner no longer “the problem “
- by: Swedish coast - For both your posts above. It does make sense - depressing as it is - that language and actions chosen primarily to avoid admitting their own dysfunction can be a big part of not acting honestly. I feel a chill down my spine at "he doesn't take my feelings into account at all". It makes for a very poor treatment of the non spouse, doesn't it... I hadn't thought of this. It makes sense. It's not very attractive or easy to excuse. Morally, I'd say it's less than ideal. Im proud of you too for refusing to...>>> on Forum topic - Honesty
- by: Swedish coast - That is an interesting thought. I've actually dreamt at night my mother in law confronted me asking why I'd been such a terrible mother for her son. My shame was real. I have been a bad mother for my ex husband.>>> on Forum topic - Love and respect