My boyfriend is on medication for ADHD...has been for years, so I knew he carried the diagnosis before we began dating.  I didn't, however, realize that it would have such an affect on me and our relationship.  Or I guess that's one reason I'm here...to see IF that is a reason for the struggles we face, or if the two things are completely unrelated.

My bf constantly accuses me of looking at other men, when I am not.  I am completely in love with him and think he is the most attractive man on earth (to me), and haven't even thought about looking at others...but still, I am accused.  When this happens, it is almost always followed by hours if not days of him completely ignoring me...no calls, no texts, if I am around him and am leaving to go somewhere he won't even acknowledge my departure with a simple goodbye.  Nothing.  I really don't understand how or why a person can do this to someone they claim to love.

Anyway, I guess I'm just looking for any thoughts on if this is truly ADHD related, or if he has much bigger issues in play...

Thanks to anyone who has thoughts to share.

I am a non-ADHD spouse married to an ADHD man, we have had our share of issues but I am wondering how I can better keep the peace. I am currently a graduate student & mother to 3 under 7yrs old. My husband feels no need to help lessen the load on me and it seems as if his interest is everything but our household. Another issue we are currently facing is that I have to manage everything in the house (appts, paying of bills, shopping, etc.) and when I make a plan for us (because he just won't) he always abruptly changes plans to do what benefits him and then we argue because he seems to not remember or has twisted the initial conversation to fit what he wanted. This makes me insane to the point that I will write down what I said or text it to him for proof later that it was him and not me. My husband always commits to helping around the house but hardly follows through without me having to ask him several times and a lot of times it turns into a war because it can be a week (or more) later and the chore still will not be done. I do not know if this is an ADHD issue since he seems to perform just fine at work. I have had to beg him to take 2 days off (or else he will work 7 days with no additional pay) as he works on cars (which is also his hobby) but he feels like even when they are closed he should be there to work on his hobby (car) as he put it, despite me needing help at home with the children as well as around the house. Also, I started grad school before his job so he knew my commitment usually required 40-60 hours of research per week (not including semesters I take class) but then decided that his wants were more important. I don't mean to sound like I am bashing him but truthfully, a PhD in a science field is what is going to carry our house and hopefully if he decides to, put him through some sort of schooling. I don't care about him going (or working on the car when it is home) the issue is that he does that FIRST and then always FORGETS his responsibilities at home. Instead of being home on Monday, like we agreed, he decided himself that he would go all day (8-5/6) and work on his car all day. This time could be used to help me with things like grocery shopping, cleaning around the house or a day-date where we don't have to find a sitter. My husband is irresponsible with money (spends on what he wants and has over-drafted the acct), impulsive with money, refuses to follow-through on anything other than his likes in life and really selfish. I do not know how to deal anymore. 

Thanks!

The key is Flow Charts.  I had an epiphany last night.  It came to me in the most convoluted way imaginable but only to say it came to me.  It is my key to getting things done and I already know that it will work before I even try.  I know this because of how I think, how I see things, how I process information, how I write and think and do everything that I do.  It answers why I am so bad at one thing and turn around do the same but different thing as well and in some cases better than everyone else.  It's how I got through school as well as I did.  It's how I do art and sports as well as I do (in specific areas).  It's how I can figure things out in the moment or can pick something up that I have never seen before and figure it out and how it works and then make it work by doing it without anyone telling me how or even knowing what that thing does...but yet, I can do this without even thinking about it.  All I have to do is hold it in my hand and I can tell you what it is and what it does...and with a little practice and only a few tries.....make the thing work as it was intended to.  It explains why I did well in school.....production systems analysis. It explains why people with ADHD need structure. It explains why day planners never work for me.  it explains almost every answer that I have ever wondered about and then suddenly there it was!  It explains how I know everything I know.

FLOW CHARTS

As I stand on the ground and look up at the stars....all I see is endless possibilities and billions of combinations in no random order.  I see the same thing when it comes to organizing my day.....the answer is Flow Charts

It frick'in took me long enough to figure this out!  I already had the answer in all the things I just said...that's how I was able to see it.  In the galaxy of endless possibilities.....I see a linear flow chart with different geometric shapes for each thing I need to do and know exactly what to put into each shapes but no one but me knows what this looks like...it has to be exactly the way I see it in my head or it won't work:  linear not spread like a electrical schematic....  left to right.... not up and down....different colored boxes, circles,  and triangles...but now I know what it has to looks like too.  And it has to be this way or it won't work.  Now I know how to do it. The rest is academic. That's my structure.....the rest I can do in my sleep!  lol lol

Flow Charts are already in my head and they've always been there.  I just wasn't looking in the right place....instead of inside my own head .......how cool is that?

Now...I gotta run.  I know what to do but I thought it would be fun to share this with anyone was interested even if this makes absolutely no sense to anyone else (aside from possibly someone like me)........ but that's not the point.  lol

Hi. I am new in this page. And i am soooo glad that i saw this. Please guys help me. But please don't judge coz my story is really a bit weird. But your posts really help me alot.  I just really wanna help this man who is very special to me. 

I am mary, and i have a boyfriend who has ADHD. We are in a LONG distance relationship. I am 21 and he is 17. He admitted when we were still bestfriends that he has ADHD. He said he is hard on focusing. He had anger issues before which he said was now over. And i can see that. 

He is very kind. Super very kind. When i ask him to do something he does it. He admitted he is a bit lazy. But when i ask him to do something like "pls clean your room before you go out" and eat proper diet he always do it without buts. Stuff like that. He had a broken family. His mom was married again to a man but sadly broke up so now his mom has another boyfriend living together. And he is with his dad. His dad is also married again but they always argue petty things which really i can feel that it affects him alot. He takes medication once a day everymorning. He tends to forget things but not often. He sees a doctor every month. But i read mostly with you guys that your partners are talkative. But my bf is not. He is likely to keep his problems from himself. And i am lucky that my heart knows when he has a problem. Idk why but i think it's a woman's instinct. He spends his time playing xbox and watching t.v. He always stays at his room for the whole day. Well he goes to the kitchen when dinner time. But mostly he wants to be alone. Coz of fam issues. His doctor gave him strong dosage of med which has side effects of headaches and moodswings. Because he was more focused on video games which i know is not because the fact we always talk alot. Which i am worried if that medicine e is taking now affects him coz he didn't tell his doctor about it. 

My problem started after 6months. A week ago he just woke up sad. And soo dry. When i mean so dry like "yeah" oh, yup, okay.  Like that. I thought he just had moodswings so i passed it out. Then last 2 days ago. I just felt unloved. Like he doesn't talk to me anymore not like he used to.he always do the first hi's and replies before. Maybe that was the hyperfocus thing. 

Then i asked him what's wrong. He said he is confused he doesn't know why. He doesn't know what he is feeling. And i asked him if he still loves me. He said he really loves me. And he will never cheat on me which i felt that it's true. And then i tried searching clues for people with ADHD and seemed connected with what's happening with him

The thing here is, he sees a doctor but he doesn't tell what he really is feeling. Like what he feels with  his family issue. Which he only tells me. He doesn't literally open up with his parents. What he feels. He admitted me that he is having a hard time trying to open up. He isn't good at starting conversations. 

Last few months ago he had trouble sleeping because he feels so bad for himself for not helping his mom
When his step dad hit his mom. He really felt bad for himself. Which i kept telling him that it's okay. That his mom wouldn't want him to get hurt even more and wouldn't want him to urge into their argument. 

Same with his dad's step mom which they always fight because of his dad finance problems just last week. I asked him if it bothers him alot with his family. And he said he thought of it sometimes why he had a family like that

I pity him :'( that's why i wanted to help him. He is very kind and gentleman. He knows his limits. He is not that worst not like others with ADHD which i just read here. Which now i worry because if he doesn't start telling his dad about his feeling right now it might get worst. I wanted to ask him if he wants to see a doctor but i don't want to offend him. And i know he will not tell his dad. Pls anyone who can read this. Tell me what to do. Coz i love him very much. We may break up. But i will still help him as a friend. Coz he is really alone with himself. And i am the only person he is trusting. Thankyou for taking the time to read my story. I never had known a person with ADHD before.